How to deal with my girl's guy friends

[El Payaso]

You're kidding, right? lol I mean..what do you suggest I do?

Start dating and hanging out with a bunch of other girls.

When she gets mad and starts tripping, tell her "oh. I thought it was okay to hang out with a lot of people from the opposite sex while in a relationship. You do it so I figured you would be okay with it."

She will either immediately correct her behavior or she will keep doing it.

Her response and actions will give you all the answers you need.

 

[Glassguy]

This is what it boils down to.......

If these guy "friends" were genuinely wanting to be cool with you, they would be inviting you to hang out with them even when your girl isnt around. You have dated this chick for more than a minute....."true" friends would be wanting to get to know you too, just like women friends of hers would. If you bring it up, put it on them only acting a certain way if she is around. Never blame her and argue because it will be a lose/lose situation. Put it on how these guys are acting, not you or her.

Instead you paint the picture that these dudes are trying to make your relationship with her difficult and are waiting in the bushes for you two to fall apart.

What I would do would depend on where I want this relationship going. If you know for sure this doesnt have certain long term success, I would start pulling away immediately. Surely you can find a few women friends that want to get together and catch up.

"Hey hun, my old friend Lacy is in town next weekend and some of us are going to be out catching up. Just giving you notice so you can find something to get into as well. I'll try not to stay out too late".

See how she reacts to it.

 

[zekko]

True guy friends are men who have other women in their lives.

I just want to point out that just because a man has other women in his life, that doesn't necessarily make the friendship platonic. They often like to point out here that it is natural for men to have multiple sexual partners. See Ranger Mike's post.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

There are two options in this situation:

1) Suck it up and befriend her friends.
2) Get a new girlfriend.

For me it's unnatural for exes to remain friends; like, they never really completely split up. It's like, you're either romantically involved with some one, or you're not. Weird.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Read about Desdinova's High Score Theory. She's still friends with some guy she had a crush on in high school? That's gonna stay with her for the rest of her life. The fact that she broke up with you and wanted to remain friends woth those 3 guys shows that she respects their 'friendship' more than your relationship and wanted you to submit to her. Then she apologized because she regret her decision.

You aren't being strong enough. Think about this: what would a strong man do in your position? What would a true masculine male do? I know it may sound dumb, but in order to have her wrapped around your fingers, you need to ask this question, even if the answer to you is leaving her. Time to man up. Do what you gotta do. Right now, you hold the cards because she came back to you. Make your next move however you like because that will determine the future of your relationship and what she will think of you later on. Good luck.

 

[zekko]

The fact that it's three guys suggests to me that she's too far gone. If it was one guy, maybe you could get rid of him or learn to tolerate it or whatever floats your boat. But three, ugh, who needs that in your life? I know couples who work with that sort of thing, but I wouldn't. I would dump or reduce to plate status at the very least.

 

[exhausted]

The fact that it's three guys suggests to me that she's too far gone. If it was one guy, maybe you could get rid of him or learn to tolerate it or whatever floats your boat. But three, ugh, who needs that in your life? I know couples who work with that sort of thing, but I wouldn't. I would dump or reduce to plate status at the very least.

After a year together she isnt plate material. Dump her ass.

Secondly she dropped him to keep inappropriate guys around. F that and her.
Think in long term of character, what wife would do this over her husband?

Today's woman is cluless how to behave and treat men.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There are two options in this situation:

1) Suck it up and befriend her friends.
2) Get a new girlfriend.

For me it's unnatural for exes to remain friends; like, they never really completely split up. It's like, you're either romantically involved with some one, or you're not. Weird.

Ex dont have to be romantically involved. Anyway if the friends are a problem ask them what bill are they paying.

 

[The Duke]

Here's another point to consider. If you are a championship caliber football team, athlete, race car driver, golfer, boxer, etc. You don't allow yourself to be distracted by the guys beneath you. You do your thing that put you in the #1 spot and keep perfecting your game to insure you stay there. The minute you start worrying about everybody else is when your confidence slips away and you lose focus on what it is you are supposed to be doing. You can learn a lot from a winner. They think different, act different than the losers, and 2nd place is the first loser.

 

[zekko]

Here's another point to consider. If you are a championship caliber football team, athlete, race car driver, golfer, boxer, etc. You don't allow yourself to be distracted by the guys beneath you.

I disagree to a point. Just because you're #1 doesn't mean you should tolerate or ignore her spending time with other men. If she is not behaving according to her girlfriend role you have every right to address it, whatever the issue.

Some guys are okay with the opposite sex thing, and that's an individual choice, but that's a question of philosophy, not position.

 

[BeExcellent]

I beg to differ

Well in my case at no time and in no way was there an issue. All involved had solid & appropriate boundaries and mutual respect.

As a man you must evaluate your comfort level and what you find appropriate. My husband was friends with other/prior women as well. Neither of us cared or were bothered by this at all.

My larger point (which seems to have gotten overlooked), is that when you are in a healthy exclusive relationship neither the man nor the woman is going to have much volume of communication with friends of the opposite sex anyway. We saw my old lover a sum total of 5 times or so over 16 years...and the only lengthy conversation I had with him over the phone was to discuss career options in my field for his wife, so not a conversation about anything other than his spouse.

What's going on with OP is different. She is lying and justifying. That's the problem.

One of my sisters met her husband because she dated his brother (that is how they met.) After things fizzled with the brother her now husband asked her out. That brother is now her BIL and my sister is close friends with his wife. They are next door neighbors and trust me all is above board & has been for 25 years.

You have to look at individuals. I don't think the gf in OPs post is respectful...I just know there CAN exist respectful & appropriate situations...that is where individuals behavior is more relevant than trends or generalizations.

That's my bigger point.