How to Deal With Flakers.

[felony]

Fellas,

Been in the field more and more, been on the forums less and less. If there is one thing i have learnt here it is that all theory and no practice is a quick slippery slide to failure.

You may think you know pretty much everything, like i did , but trust me you never just know, you think you have game, skills, and are a DJ but you are not, until you go out there and really get those 50 number closes, 50 rejections, 50 dates, 50 Fvck closes, you've heard all the crap, you know what most women are like, you know what to do and what not to do. And even then you really are only just starting out to be a DJ.

Tonight, i had planned for a date with a older HB who i knew would be high maintenance, who i knew got heaps of attention from guys, who i knew prolly fooled with guys heads, who was prolly power tripping, who probably thought she could pick and choose guys.

I meet her out at a party, saw her a few times around, then made out with her and then called her up and requested her company for a date. Trust me, i played up to this part quite nicely i thought.

So anyway, 2hrs from the time i was going to pick her up, she MSG's /SMS and declines with a really **** lame excuse but says she'd like to do something else on another night.

Well **** that. I know to walk away now.

However there is a question about etiquette. Do i give her the silent treatment or shall i call/sms her back. Normal good manners i've been brought up with would suggest i reply to her and let her know i got the message. The night she wants to do something i am busy with another women.

My question to all you Mr. Suaves is:
Yes, Next the flaker, make yourself unavailable, don't be needy, see other women. BUT how do you initially deal with her flaking? Call her on it? Ignore it? Say No worries, i might call you if i'm free?

Post up.

f.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Don't respond to her sms, she should have called you on the phone - that was blatant disrespect!

When she calls you, gauge her enthusiasm, and don't go out of your way to please her.

 

[felony]

I've done that before. Totally ignored it. But what do you do when she calls you back later and asks did u get my SMS / why didn't you CALL or SMS back. You wouldn't believe the audacity some of these chicks have.

Most of my 'chats' like that usually end with "This Conversation is over."

Thanks for your speedy reply PRL.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Tell her that it wasn't proper protocol...and that the date was set up verbally then you should break it off verbally.

 

[felony]

OK, fair enough.. something along those lines sounds good to me.

However if the girl does have the deceny to CALL rather than SMS. And flakes on you, What do you usually do? Surely your reply must depend on your idea of her IL, the quality of her excuse etc.

But say, you think she is interested... but could be playing you...
Whatever that is too much thought for me phuck that.

If you feel her excuse is relatively lame tho... do you call her on her **** or say no probs and never call back?

I was doing some searches and sifting and i read some guy got a flakey excuse and he simply said "You can just say 'no' i won't get mad." Apparently dumbfounded that particular chick. Would be something i'd like to try. It would be more interesting calling her on her **** rather than accepting and nexting.

Cheers,
f.

 

[ali_g]

Ok I'll put my 10 cents worth since i've had a gal SMS to cancel on me before.

This is what to do:

No contact with her (no SMS; nothing) for over a week (up to 2 weeks), call her up, ask her out again and if any more of that crap happens again .... NEXT!

 

[FreeStyleZ]

whats sms.. im thinking it has something to do with leaving a msg or text messaging but dont kno what each letter stands for.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

When I was learning all this material I was religiously taught that a flake is always NEXT'D no matter what. Now that I have a good amount of field experience I've learned that flaking should be handled on a case by case basis. For instance, if I # closed a girl and called her up 3 days later to arrange a get together and she flaked, then I'd NEXT her. There was no history, no intimate moments and no attachment. On the other hand if I hooked up with a girl, hung out with her several times and she flaked out one time but counter offered to "hang out some other time" I'd give her a few more chances. If she still flaked out then I'd NEXT her. A lot of times **** does come up at the last minute. I've learned never to assume negative thoughts about girls. For instance if she flakes that means she's not interested. That's just not true all the time. You should know the situation pretty well with this particular girl.

Sounds like her interest level wasn't that high. But I'd give it a week, and try setting something up again. If she declines or flakes again...then NEXT




PIMP

 

[MisterAl]

Flakers...sigh. You just gotta walk away, without paying her the courtesy of a return call. This protects _you_.

Sometimes, and it hasn't paid off for me, you can try to call her out of the blue in a week or so if she doesn't try to reach you. No SMS, just a quick phonecall. She might go out with you again, but then you've only established that she indeed seeks attention, and you should then disqualify her.

Deep down you have to know that when you see the flaker behavior you're observing a non-negotiable aspect of her personality. Her IL in you may be low to start with. She is going to test you mercilessly. She will cancel more dates with you. She will not be a Flexible Giver. You may even be able to keep the flaker, but to what end? You're dating to find women who meet your qualifications, not ones who leave you hanging and disappoint you.

I've been with a wonderful Flexible Giver for seven months now, but I often think about a flaker I dated for a month last year. She twisted me up so bad I couldn't sleep. One-itis hurts and it's the only reason we might unwisely decide to keep pursuing a flaker.

 

[Engetsu]

Same thing happened to me, but the excuse was phony.

I didn't call her on her BS, I actually said "If you don't want to do anything, say so, don't make up excuses at the last minute."

Then I stopped calling her.

She called me back a week later inviting ME out, and we ended up making out.

keep it simple,
Eng

 

[OddTech]

Originally posted by Engetsu
Same thing happened to me, but the excuse was phony.

I didn't call her on her BS, I actually said "If you don't want to do anything, say so, don't make up excuses at the last minute."

Then I stopped calling her.

She called me back a week later inviting ME out, and we ended up making out.

keep it simple,
Eng

I concur. I always call the girl on her BS. I'm dating girls who are around my age, and I expect some sort of respect, responsibility and maturity. Girls who can't take it aren't worth dating, simple as that, regardless of how pretty she is.

 

[Zircon]

Originally posted by MisterAl
Flakers...sigh. You just gotta walk away, without paying her the courtesy of a return call. This protects _you_.

Sometimes, and it hasn't paid off for me, you can try to call her out of the blue in a week or so if she doesn't try to reach you. No SMS, just a quick phonecall. She might go out with you again, but then you've only established that she indeed seeks attention, and you should then disqualify her.

Deep down you have to know that when you see the flaker behavior you're observing a non-negotiable aspect of her personality. Her IL in you may be low to start with. She is going to test you mercilessly. She will cancel more dates with you. She will not be a Flexible Giver. You may even be able to keep the flaker, but to what end? You're dating to find women who meet your qualifications, not ones who leave you hanging and disappoint you.

I've been with a wonderful Flexible Giver for seven months now, but I often think about a flaker I dated for a month last year. She twisted me up so bad I couldn't sleep. One-itis hurts and it's the only reason we might unwisely decide to keep pursuing a flaker.

Dude, I totally agree with you. I was reading the other posts regarding whether you should give a CONFIRMED flaker another chance, and thinking to myself, What's the point here? I don't WANT anyone like that in my life...I have wasted enough time on ppl like that.

I guess the grey area comes in establishing whether she truly is a flaker or not. Case by case you say, but one needs hard and fast rules in the beginning because as we all know it is easy to get the on-itis bug.

Key thing is, once confirmed flaker, it's a no go for me. I'm also looking for givers, not takers, and when I find a taker I discard her like last week's newspaper.

 

[Zircon]

Originally posted by Engetsu
Same thing happened to me, but the excuse was phony.

I didn't call her on her BS, I actually said "If you don't want to do anything, say so, don't make up excuses at the last minute."

Then I stopped calling her.

She called me back a week later inviting ME out, and we ended up making out.

keep it simple,
Eng

well keep us up to date on that one...personally I become VERY difficuly if someone is difficult with me. She will have to try twice as hard to win me back once she pulls obvious stunts like this.

Maybe it's just a test to see if you're stable and secure = confident. I don't know...but I stand bvy the fact that takers are a waste of my time. And everybody else's on this board.