Distinctive
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2016
- Messages
- 2
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- Age
- 33
Hey guys! So lately I've become completely distraught and annoyed with my roommate. For the longest time I put the blame on myself, saying that I just need to grow and get better, that I should be able to deal with this... In other words, the problem is actually me, not him. But now he has become so insufferable that I'm not sure if it's me or him. I don't know what to do about it, I'm lost right now.
Here's some backstory:
We've been friends for a little over two years. In fact, I'd say we've become best friends, or pretty close to it. A few months ago we decided to move in together. It seemed like the logical choice because we both really enjoy each other's company and share many of the same goals. We live in a one bedroom apartment in a pretty good "game" city, and I have a car, he doesn't. We both left our other friends and don't know anyone else near where we live. So we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes all day.
One thing I've always admired about him is that he's rather boisterous. He talks with authority and has the ability to go on long monologues, and pretty much speak his mind at will. I'm sort of the opposite. I'm very good listener and know how to engage in a conversation that's focused around the other person. I'm very good about inferring and making comments about the other person and thus making them feel good. Basically, I'm very good at the classic "listen before speaking" or "strive first to understand and then be understood." But it's harder for me to go on this huge monologues.
As of Now
Now, however, I'm just getting really fed up with his loud personality. The best way I can explain this is through an example: He has been looking for a car and a job for a while now. So I'll I ever hear about is the car and job, like "Dude it's going to be so sweet, I think I this car will work because of X" or "Yo it's going to be so dope! I think I want the blue car though" or "The thing I don't like about this job is X, but if I do this, then this will happen and I might be able to make it work." Like what happens a lot of times is he just says **** out loud that in no way draws me into a conversation. The statement is solely focused on him and sounds like a thought you might have in your head, except he says it out loud and expects a response.
I'm having a hard time coming up with exact examples right now, but you get the idea. He just says a lot of sh!t randomly about himself like "I'm so excited for..." "I think...". This is where I think I sound selfish, but he never asks about me. He'll never say "Yo how was your day today?" or ask me a question about myself, or be generally inquisitive about me. Whereas I'm always responding to his random self-centered statements and asking him questions like "Yo hows that thing going...?" or "Do you think X will happen?" or "What do you think about X?". Yet, I feel like it is never reciprocated. He is always making loud statements about himself, talking about himself, never talking about me, and never asking me questions about myself. All in all, I feel like he is being a bad communicator.
You might think he's boisterous and a good and entertaining communicator if you just met him, but I feel like he's very bad at perceiving and adjusting to other people's moods and emotions...which actually makes him a bad communicator; he's very selfish and self-centered.
It's gotten to the point where it's literally affecting my mood and my day. He's putting me into a bad mood and almost making me depressed. Like, he's just so fvcking annoying. Stop talking about yourself for once. Stop being so loud and forceful. Start asking questions about the other person. Start making "you" statements rather than "I" statements. I've started counting, and he hasn't inquired about me at all in the past few days. It has all been about him. I feel like a needy pvssy as$ b1tch writing this, but it's affecting me negatively and I hate it.
A lot of times I don't even respond now. I just grunt or go "hmmm" or something like that. Like it's literally too much for me to talk abo
ut him all day everyday. I figured ignoring him a little bit might make a difference, but it hasn't.
When we go out to the bars I'm having a bad time because of him. Like his very presence and essence is just infuriating to me.
So, what do I do? I'm not sure if I'm just being needy, or if it really is him. I don't know if other people would feel the same as me if they were in my position. Do most people have a need for this sort of attention, or am I just being a b1tch. Furthermore, what do I do about it?
Thanks in advance for your help guys
TLDR: My roommate and best friend has become insufferable lately since we started living together. He's loud and boisterous, while I'm generally more chill and a good listener. He always talks about himself, making random "I" statements that in no way prompt a conversation. He never asks about me or about how I'm doing or about what I think, but always makes statements about himself and what he's up to, and expects a conversation. He might even just say thoughts out-loud in a very loud, forceful, and uncomfortable way (especially, it seems, when I'm trying to get some peace and quite). It has become extremely annoying and intolerable, and literally sets me off into a depressed mood. When we go out together I don't even have a good time because his presence alone angers me. He may be boisterous and a good and entertaining communicator, but I feel like he's very bad at perceiving and adjusting to other people's moods and emotions; he's very selfish and self-centered. At the same time, I'm not sure if I'm just being a pvssy. Am I being too sensitive? Do I need to learn to deal with it? What should I do from here?
Here's some backstory:
We've been friends for a little over two years. In fact, I'd say we've become best friends, or pretty close to it. A few months ago we decided to move in together. It seemed like the logical choice because we both really enjoy each other's company and share many of the same goals. We live in a one bedroom apartment in a pretty good "game" city, and I have a car, he doesn't. We both left our other friends and don't know anyone else near where we live. So we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes all day.
One thing I've always admired about him is that he's rather boisterous. He talks with authority and has the ability to go on long monologues, and pretty much speak his mind at will. I'm sort of the opposite. I'm very good listener and know how to engage in a conversation that's focused around the other person. I'm very good about inferring and making comments about the other person and thus making them feel good. Basically, I'm very good at the classic "listen before speaking" or "strive first to understand and then be understood." But it's harder for me to go on this huge monologues.
As of Now
Now, however, I'm just getting really fed up with his loud personality. The best way I can explain this is through an example: He has been looking for a car and a job for a while now. So I'll I ever hear about is the car and job, like "Dude it's going to be so sweet, I think I this car will work because of X" or "Yo it's going to be so dope! I think I want the blue car though" or "The thing I don't like about this job is X, but if I do this, then this will happen and I might be able to make it work." Like what happens a lot of times is he just says **** out loud that in no way draws me into a conversation. The statement is solely focused on him and sounds like a thought you might have in your head, except he says it out loud and expects a response.
I'm having a hard time coming up with exact examples right now, but you get the idea. He just says a lot of sh!t randomly about himself like "I'm so excited for..." "I think...". This is where I think I sound selfish, but he never asks about me. He'll never say "Yo how was your day today?" or ask me a question about myself, or be generally inquisitive about me. Whereas I'm always responding to his random self-centered statements and asking him questions like "Yo hows that thing going...?" or "Do you think X will happen?" or "What do you think about X?". Yet, I feel like it is never reciprocated. He is always making loud statements about himself, talking about himself, never talking about me, and never asking me questions about myself. All in all, I feel like he is being a bad communicator.
You might think he's boisterous and a good and entertaining communicator if you just met him, but I feel like he's very bad at perceiving and adjusting to other people's moods and emotions...which actually makes him a bad communicator; he's very selfish and self-centered.
It's gotten to the point where it's literally affecting my mood and my day. He's putting me into a bad mood and almost making me depressed. Like, he's just so fvcking annoying. Stop talking about yourself for once. Stop being so loud and forceful. Start asking questions about the other person. Start making "you" statements rather than "I" statements. I've started counting, and he hasn't inquired about me at all in the past few days. It has all been about him. I feel like a needy pvssy as$ b1tch writing this, but it's affecting me negatively and I hate it.
A lot of times I don't even respond now. I just grunt or go "hmmm" or something like that. Like it's literally too much for me to talk abo
ut him all day everyday. I figured ignoring him a little bit might make a difference, but it hasn't.
When we go out to the bars I'm having a bad time because of him. Like his very presence and essence is just infuriating to me.
So, what do I do? I'm not sure if I'm just being needy, or if it really is him. I don't know if other people would feel the same as me if they were in my position. Do most people have a need for this sort of attention, or am I just being a b1tch. Furthermore, what do I do about it?
Thanks in advance for your help guys
TLDR: My roommate and best friend has become insufferable lately since we started living together. He's loud and boisterous, while I'm generally more chill and a good listener. He always talks about himself, making random "I" statements that in no way prompt a conversation. He never asks about me or about how I'm doing or about what I think, but always makes statements about himself and what he's up to, and expects a conversation. He might even just say thoughts out-loud in a very loud, forceful, and uncomfortable way (especially, it seems, when I'm trying to get some peace and quite). It has become extremely annoying and intolerable, and literally sets me off into a depressed mood. When we go out together I don't even have a good time because his presence alone angers me. He may be boisterous and a good and entertaining communicator, but I feel like he's very bad at perceiving and adjusting to other people's moods and emotions; he's very selfish and self-centered. At the same time, I'm not sure if I'm just being a pvssy. Am I being too sensitive? Do I need to learn to deal with it? What should I do from here?
