How to deal with a woman that does not pay

[Thomas94305]

I was dating this woman, and things got one sided. Am looking for advice on how to deal with it more effectively "next time".

In brief, we had gotten together 3x. I had paid for almost everything. After the first time, she said i should let her pay the second time. She did not pay the second time. The third time, I said we should split the bill, her answer was "next time". I had set up the dates and arranged the details. I would contact her at times to see how she was doing, etc, but she never contacted me to ask how my day was. Things were wayyy too one sided.

I strongly believe that within the first few dates, you can tell how much of the relationship will go down. So, if there's anything bothersome, it really needs to be dealt with right there.

So... I sent her an email, said that so far, I paid xxx, she paid yyy. I took care of arranging things. She doesn't contact me to see how I'm doing. It was just factual. I asked her thoughts on this. She emails me back saying things aren't working out. I'm to give her my mailing address so she can send me the money. I emailed her back saying she's not discussing the issue with me, how's this a good thing? She replied saying it just didn't work, no discussion.

I'm going to wait a day or so, then send her my address. Assuming I get a check, I'll cash it and move on.

My question is how to handle such a thing in the future? I did the male thing of just stating the problem. The dating was one sided, and that needed to end. I want to just learn from this about how to handle this thing in the future. Would you state things factually? Would you just dump her on the spot, no discussion? Would you continue to date and refuse to pay? Would you bust on her for her behavior? What would you recommend?

 

[tosh]

If it was me, I would just ask "shall we split this one" once in a while and if she is constantly horrified and you are not willing to pay for all the dates (Some guys are), then just dump her.

Emailing afterhand was a bad idea. It makes it obvious how much you've been thinking about the fact that she doesn't pay for anything.

 

[BuckwildNYC]

Some guys may feel differently but I feel if YOU ask a girl out YOU should pay. It's the polite and gentlemanly thing to do.......... especially on a first date.

Now your first date is over. If you are the one doing all the calling and she never calls you or asks when you guys are hanging out again then maybe she's really not that interested. If you invite her out again how can you really expect her to fork up some doe?

Now on the other hand if she's showing interest and calling you...... this is your oppurtunity to maybe get her to pay. If she says "you want to go to the movies this weekend" you can say "well are you gonna treat me " in a very light casual way. 9 times out of ten she'll say sure.

Every relationship has a pursuer and a pursuee. Realize this.......... the girl you're asking out might have 4 or 5 other guys who are also asking her out. And unless you've really established yourself as a prize shes not gonna be too happy about splitting the check with you at dinner............it's just too tacky. Especially when Joe Schmoe the stockbroker is inviting her to Vegas for the weekend. Now I'm obviously talking about HB 9's and 10's here. If you are planning a vacation with your established girlfriend I definately think the two of you should split the trip. It's a bit much to expect the guy to pay for the whole trip.

These are my thoughts on the situation. I never want a couple bucks for dinner stand in the way of me and the girl I'm after.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Write it off as a life lesson well earned. Don't expect any money because she's got another AFC buying her stuff. Leave her and the memory of her in the ground.

From now on be honest. I have a woman with whom I've talked with a few times and she's hinted at the "first date" to which my reply is " I don't date. I go out and have fun. Dates set an expectation to which there will be an inevitable conclusion. Besides, spontaneity is the spice of life."

She stopped breathing for a second and went on and on about how she'd never met a guy like me before, blah blah blah . . .

If you're pride is fvckin' with you and you're dead set on paying do the coffee shop meetup. What I do is take them out for coffee at the coffee shop or light ****tails at my favorite cigar bar and teach them about cigars (which is one of my passions). It does a number of different things. 1. It shows you have something in your life which doesn't orbit around a vagina. 2. They learn something, which feeds thier insatiable thirst for knowledge. 3. It gives them a peek into your world for a slight minute.

Find whatever it is you enjoy and share that. I buy a round then she ponies up or she hits the bricks. I've yet to spend over $40 on a meet and greet and have extraordinary success.

Best of all, It sets a precedent that YOU are the leader.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by BuckwildNYC
Some guys may feel differently but I feel if YOU ask a girl out YOU should pay.

A flawed ideal, men do the asking so of course hes always going to pay, that "you ask, you pay" thing is nonsensical chick logic coined by the pioneer gold diggers. B!tches like to pretend they have something better to do than spend a night getting male attention but that aint true, in fact male attention is why she gets up of a morning.

Originally posted by BuckwildNYC
It's the polite and gentlemanly thing to do.......... especially on a first date.

Flawed ideal number 2, "gentlemen" used to pay when there were real to life prim and proper "ladies" existing and the male was the soul breadwinner. Those days are long over.

Originally posted by BuckwildNYC

I never want a couple bucks for dinner stand in the way of me and the girl I'm after.

If you have game it never does stand in the way, trust me.

 

[blinkwatt]

It seems as if you broke down into AFC mode some. Just take it as lesson well learned. If the chick is truely digging you then she will offer to part some part,like the tip or pay once and awhile. Dont stress it and just remember to NOT do what you did before. Or if you are truelly cheap you can dine and dash on her. This would be the funniest thing if you were to dine in at restuarant with a view of the car where you can call and ask her "are you picking up the check? Iam waiting in the car,make it quick.'" You will be in the car waving at her!

 

[BuckwildNYC]

Bro I've read alot of your posts and I like much of what you say. You seem like a strong minded dude who doesn't take shyt from women and I can appreciate that.

BUT, I'm not sure where you live but in New York City there are so many paid motherfukkas that you can't be a cheap bastard. Every really hot girl I know is dating owners of clubs and businesses or big time drug dealers............ they have money that you and I can only dream of. You think your taking these guys girls with some ****y and funny BS or by being an alpha male. If you think these guys aren't alpha males then you got another thing coming. They are VERY successful with women and they have NEVER heard of Sosuave.com, I can guarantee u that.

These guys take their girls on trips all over the world. That makes them AFC?............. I don't think so. What do you think you got that these guys don't. People on So suave try to preach that you don't have to be good looking or have money to get chicks. You need ****Y and FUNNY and give neg hits.............o and don't forget that kino. While I do appreciate this site cause it's given me alot of insight on women.............. there are men out there who can beat you coming and going 7 days a week and twice on Sunday. It's a dog eat dog world. Your gonna learn that VERY HOT women DO love money and DO love being taken care of. Some women are just out of your league and the faster you accept it the faster you'll find a real girl that will make you happy.

Come to NYC and tell a girl you make 10 dollars an hour and live with your mom and see if all that ****y and funny shyt in the world will save you lol.

 

[( . )( . )]

I dunno dude, the most I've spent on chicks (before nailing them) is 1 beer, 1 hotdog and 1 pair of rental bowling shoes in 30 years and never had any real problems. But maybe your right and NYC chicks are different and sh!t, but classy or not be fvcked if I'm going to spend decent money on an untapped b!tch, theyre all sisters upside down.

 

[BuckwildNYC]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
I dunno dude, the most I've spent on chicks (before nailing them) is 1 beer, 1 hotdog and 1 pair of rental bowling shoes in 30 years and never had any real problems. But maybe your right and NYC chicks are different and sh!t, but classy or not be fvcked if I'm going to spend decent money on an untapped b!tch, theyre all sisters upside down.

LOL I'm just curious where do you live.

Now I'm not saying you CAN'T get laid here. But guys think that they are gonna be broke and fat and a little alpha maleness is gonna get them Pamela Andersons and Jessica Albas. I know broke guys who get laid but they aren't banging super dime pieces. I'm just saying be realistic. There is someone for everyone. If you are gonna be shallow and think only of looks and HB 9's then you have to expect to date shallow girls who only think about how big your wallet is.

 

[Fash]

It's simple. You ask a girl out, you pay...

BUT....

If she doesn't at least offer to pay half when the bill comes..... you shouldnt waste your time with her anymore, unless you lay her that night.

Then you can bust her about it in a c+f way:

"oh my god! you're such a b!tch! you didnt even offer to pay!" ;-)

I even had a girl say to me:

her: "Most guys are glad simply to be in my company. If a guy expects me to pay, I will be so offended"

me: "Well not just any woman gets to go out with me. If I decide to spend some of my time with a woman, she should be glad and pay her own way"

and what do you know..... she paid for everything next time we went out.

Remember, don't let them think they can get away with it! Bust their pretty little asses!

 

[blinkwatt]

I like fash idea alot except the b1tch part. Please for your own sake do not say that,use golddigger or mootch(spelling?).

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I dont pay for casual dates. Hard and fast rule.

I've never had problems. I live in the 21st century. Women today EXPECT to pay for themselves.

 

[Tomatoes]

Last time i paid for a girl was over a year and abit ago. It was a romantic dinner for my girlfriend at the time. I dont mind treating a girl when she deserves it.....however when in dating/seeing girls. No way. They pay for there own ****.