How to deal with a girl who knew you BEFORE you starting DJing

[CobraDamn]

Hey guys, very interesting stuff I've read here and it has worked out well for me...thanks so much.

Let me run down a little bit - I'm 25, I got out of a LTR (3 and half years) Jan. '08, took time to deal with it and such...blahblah. I've recently taken time to just look inward and focus on myself and take care of things, but I wanted to get out there since I had focused so much of my life on one person....whatever, life goes on.

Before I knew about the DJ stuff. I've always been a natural charmer...I do have some advantages too, I am good looking, I work out daily, good solid job. It's just the trouble of being nice that hurts me...

Anyways, I would be the charming guy at work and would naturally work on some of the girls I had no interest in b/c I was more confident around them. Recently with studying how to be a DJ, I've turned it up a lot. I dress a lot better inside & outside of work (our office has a much more casual style due to the nature of our work), tease more, and turned up the sexual humor.

There's one girl at work I've known for a little over a year. She's 28, and a HB9...really hot, head-turning girl...I turned AFC around her and overly nice because I was interested in her but never really showed that interest until recently. Long story short, I asked her out before I went on a vacation, she said "yes", but flaked when I came back and spilled out a bunch of excuses (complicated situation with her ex- who is overseas, I'm "too young",etc.).

I've slowly pulled my new DJ attitude on her within the last two weeks. Honestly, I don't care what happens between us...but I've teased her b/c she's much more serious than she used to be (she says she has a lot going on) and then she said things to me like "you're a lot different lately"...saying that she wasn't used to sexual jokes from me and that they were "lame". I've told her things like "maybe you don't know me so well" and even challenged whether her perception of that was "bad" (she kind of dodged it...saying it was different from the CobraDamn she was used to). B/c of her new-found seriousness...I've even got her to doubt herself a little telling her "bring back the old you, I liked her better".

Question I got for you all I got...I still want to work on this girl with the new attitude, but she knew me when I was a AFC and it might be tough, but if anything...it is great practice for me. She does talk to me like EVERY day...and initiates those convos. Any tips or advice?

 

[spread_love]

In my experience, it's always best to not screw the crew, because when **** goes bad, it goes bad, if she has flaked on you before, do you really honestly want to see if she will do it again?...in my honest opinion, I would focus on someone else, you sound confident and that's good...move on and do your thing.

 

[bornyesterday]

Well she seems to like the new you better. So keep it up. Don't let the (memory of the) old you drag you down. Do what you like best. It looks like you have the right attitude. You are the man, you deal, you act.
And dont think about what she might be thinking about your 'change'. It doesnt matter (not to you, not to her).

 

[TheSplat]

Let her see you out with another girl. You need to do something to stir jealousy/DHV to get her to realize that you are a catch and that others are interested in you.

 

[CobraDamn]

Hey guys, thanks for the advice.

I have certainly piqued her interest a little more, but she came open and honest to me today at work. I may have to NEXT her and completely just ignore her (it'd be a good practice as well).

She said she was very confused about me (considering I changed my image and attitude)...and that the sexual humor I brought was something she was "not used to from me"...she said she liked it when "I was a humble, non-sexual joke maker". Problem is, I've always had sexual humor, I just never did it around her cause I'd go straight AFC in the past. Like I said, I think I am clearly friendzoned but she is an older chick that probably has gone through her share of geniune a-holes. She mentioned that this has "caused her to take a step back and analyze....things"...she said she has often distanced herself from male friends (another friendzone indicator) who start the sexual jokes with her b/c they made her feel weird...probably because those indicated interest and I have already clearly indicated interest in her when I asked her out when I was AFC. I told her I pulled the sexual humor b/c I was comfortable around her (which is true, I was nervous before asking her out) and she commented that I should go back to being shy. She basically says she doesn't know who is the real ME because of my recent change.

Regardless...I just wonder how I can handle this situation best. Yes, I know a NEXT is in order...and I've already stirred some DHV by telling her I have a date this weekend (which I do indeed have)...but she didn't comment about that. Any advice would be good practice for me.

 

[bornyesterday]

Couple of different things come to mind.
She is playing mind tricks on you. She says she's confused about you, doesnt know if she likes the new you better, you should become shy again etc etc. That is trying to control you. Never give into that. If you do you lose.

At the same time she is expressing something true here. Possibly she is a bit confused and maybe what you are doing isnt working on her. But she doesnt want to lose you as a 'friend'. She might also wants to protect herself against dishonest sleezy guys and lying sons of ogres.

Either way these are expressions of her wants and needs, her paradigm (other would call it manipulation, power-play, but thats to negative). Respect it, but dont give into it. Don't change to a puzzy because it would make her more 'comfortable'. You express your needs and paradigm. You show self-respect and you'll get respected.

Basically this is a test for you. You are changing, you are feeling better about your own behavior and style (more self-esteem, more masculin perhaps). So you are still experimenting a bit, trying things out, work out how they feel for you. Well keep doing that. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Allow yourself to make mistakes on her.
Don't change for her. She is not important. You like her. Big deal. What's happening to you is much more important. And don't forget to enjoy the tension and learning that comes with change.