I-am-someone
Senior Don Juan
This was sent to me a few days ago by someone - I thought it might be helpful for people on here.
How to create instant attraction and make anyone like you
"Mastering the 'hidden' secrets of instant rapport"
By Leo Kiesen
Copyright 1999 by Eden's Research
All rights reserved
Have you ever meet someone and felt an instant connection or
attraction with him or her before they even said a word and you
didn't know why? Or perhaps you just meet someone and you
instantly trusted him or her even though you didn't really know
them?
And, have you ever known someone who seems to be able to
connect with and make friends with practically anyone? Or do you
know someone who everybody likes…but you can't understand
why?
And finally, what if you could harness this magic secret of attraction
and create it with anyone you meet regardless of your looks or
background.
Sound unbelievable?
Well in this report I'm about to show you how to do just that. Once
this skill is mastered you will be able to create this magic
connection with virtually anyone you meet…make tons of friend and
win the respect of your enemies.
This skill is a basic common denominator with every successful
person. Anyone who has attained any level of success with people
either unconsciously or consciously has mastered this skill.
What am I talking about?
The magic of instant rapport…
What makes someone like and trust you has nothing to do with
you…it has everything to do with the way you make that person
feel. And how you make that person feel has to do with one
thing…they way and what you communicate both consciously and
unconsciously.
What will most people do when trying to gain rapport and trust with
someone? They will try to find something in common…right.
Maybe they both went to the navy…maybe the are both pilots etc.
This creates an instant common ground and understanding and
some level of trust. However this level of rapport has major
weakness…
What if you don't have anything in common? What if you don't
know anything about that person? Plus, this level of rapport
requires you to actually talk to that person. I'm going to show you
how to do the same thing much more quickly, powerfully, and best
of all instantly and with anyone…no need to have common
backgrounds and although beneficial it is not necessary to even talk
with them.
Here is the secret…
If you communicate a message that says, "I'm the same as you"
and you communicate that message in the same way that that
person communicates to themselves then they will instantly like
and trust you and not even know why.
But, there's something you must know…over 90% of
communication happens at an unconscious…almost psychic level.
The words you use, although important, make up the smallest
segment of communication.
The trick is to communicate with them in the way they communicate
with themselves. So the first step in real communication is to enter
into that persons world. To do that you need to understand how
they communication…
Communication levels…
Communication happens at many levels. Here are a the major
aspects of communication…
Physiology…
- Body Language
- Breathing patterns. Both speed, tempo, depth of breath and location of breath in the chest.
- Muscle tension or relaxation in every part of the body
- Eye patterns
- Dilation or constriction of pupils
- Motion of eyes
- Length of eye contact
- Predominate "eye accessing cues." (more about eye
- accessing cues in a minute)
Voice…
- Tone
- Pitch
- Volume
- Speed/tempo
- Resonance
- Timber
Speech patterns…
- The words and phrases they use
- Pauses and intonations
- "Color of language"
Internal representations…
- The pictures, sounds, and feelings they create in their own mind.
So how to you match someone's communication…?
Matching or mirroring, the key to instant rapport…
What is matching and mirroring? Well, it’s a process of mimicking
aspects of communication. Doing this skillfully and elegantly
enables you to "enter their world of communication".
The closer you match their physiology and voice the closer your
internal representations will match theirs. In fact when you are "in
tune" and in rapport with someone on a deep level you set up a "bio
feedback loop" where you communicate with them on a psychic and
unconscious level.
In fact, if you were to match someone perfectly in every
way…breathing patterns, muscle tension or relaxation, eye patterns
etc. you would set up such a strong "bio-feedback loop" and
communication on a unconscious and psychic level you could
literally read their mind. You would think the same thoughts as
them, feel the same feelings as them. I know this sounds crazy,
but it's true.
Skillfully mirroring someone is the secret to achieve instant rapport
and trust. And it is the secret to truly understanding their
communication.
The most important aspect of communication to mirror is
physiology. Words are communication on a conscious level.
Physiology is communication on an unconscious level and that is
why it is so powerful.
7% of communication is through words, 38% is from tone of voice
but 55% is from physiology (facial expressions, gestures, quality
and type of movements etc.) Physiology makes up the bulk of
communication.
There are an infinite number of possibilities to mirror but where you
should start your foundation is breathing patterns and physiology.
Breathing patterns and physiology is so powerful because they
happen on an unconscious level. When you are matching
someone's breathing and physiology you are communicating to that
person on an unconscious level. The message you're sending when
you do this is, "I understand you…I'm like you…I'm on the same
level as you."
How to mirror elegantly…
There are two important skills that are absolutely essential if you
want to become an effective mirror. They are…
- Sensory acuity (Being able to pickup on all levels of
communication accurately)
- The ability to become a "chameleon". What I mean by
that is the ability to be flexible and change your
communication styles to match their own. That means
flexibility of communication far beyond what most people
have attained.
Attaining these two skills takes a lot of practice. The best way to
gain this skill is to "keep an external focus" at all times when you
are communicating with someone.
What do I mean by that?
Well, when you have an external focus your senses are focused on
that person…your not "doing internal negotiations" with yourself.
Your not thinking…How do I look to them? What are they thinking
of me? What do I sound like to them? Did they think that comment
was cleaver? What am I going to say next?…etc.
Instead your focus is on them completely. You're noticing their eye
accessing cues…your picking up on their breathing and muscle
tension…you're consciously noticing levels of communication that
would usually only happen unconsciously. And you're doing it
naturally and subtly, almost unconsciously.
Example…
Have you ever been so intensely interested with someone or what
they were talking about that you "stayed completely outside of
yourself"? You never thought about yourself…your focus was
completely on them and what they were saying.
Well, keeping an external focus will help you do the same thing with
not only conscious communication but communication that happens
on an unconscious level.
Counter example…
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and the only thing
going through your mind is what to say when he or she stopped
talking. You have a half-hour conversation. By the end of it you
have no idea what the other person said. In fact, you could have
just as easily been talking to a manikin.
How connected did you feel with that person at that moment? Well,
that is the opposite of what I'm talking about.
Keeping an external focus will help you gain sensory acuity.
Becoming a "chameleon" with your communications styles will take
a lot more practice. To do this you need to understand…
Representational Systems or communications styles…
What are representational systems?
It is a term that describes the way in which someone primarily
communicates with himself or herself.
There are three primary representational systems….
- Auditory (sounds and words)
- Visual (pictures and images)
- Kinesthetic (feelings and emotions)
You communicate in all three at some time or another but you
specialize in one. Most of the communications you have with your
self are in one primary representational system.
Representational systems are one of your most powerful tools for
"entering someone's world". By understanding the way someone
communicates with himself or herself you can instantly
communicate on their level in their own language.
We are all different in the way we "see" the world. By
understanding how someone else sees the world the more
effectively you can communicate with him or her in a way they
will understand and respond to. Representational systems are
like a compass that help you navigate their communication territory.
Lets look at the different representational systems and how to
recognize them in a person…
How to create instant attraction and make anyone like you
"Mastering the 'hidden' secrets of instant rapport"
By Leo Kiesen
Copyright 1999 by Eden's Research
All rights reserved
Have you ever meet someone and felt an instant connection or
attraction with him or her before they even said a word and you
didn't know why? Or perhaps you just meet someone and you
instantly trusted him or her even though you didn't really know
them?
And, have you ever known someone who seems to be able to
connect with and make friends with practically anyone? Or do you
know someone who everybody likes…but you can't understand
why?
And finally, what if you could harness this magic secret of attraction
and create it with anyone you meet regardless of your looks or
background.
Sound unbelievable?
Well in this report I'm about to show you how to do just that. Once
this skill is mastered you will be able to create this magic
connection with virtually anyone you meet…make tons of friend and
win the respect of your enemies.
This skill is a basic common denominator with every successful
person. Anyone who has attained any level of success with people
either unconsciously or consciously has mastered this skill.
What am I talking about?
The magic of instant rapport…
What makes someone like and trust you has nothing to do with
you…it has everything to do with the way you make that person
feel. And how you make that person feel has to do with one
thing…they way and what you communicate both consciously and
unconsciously.
What will most people do when trying to gain rapport and trust with
someone? They will try to find something in common…right.
Maybe they both went to the navy…maybe the are both pilots etc.
This creates an instant common ground and understanding and
some level of trust. However this level of rapport has major
weakness…
What if you don't have anything in common? What if you don't
know anything about that person? Plus, this level of rapport
requires you to actually talk to that person. I'm going to show you
how to do the same thing much more quickly, powerfully, and best
of all instantly and with anyone…no need to have common
backgrounds and although beneficial it is not necessary to even talk
with them.
Here is the secret…
If you communicate a message that says, "I'm the same as you"
and you communicate that message in the same way that that
person communicates to themselves then they will instantly like
and trust you and not even know why.
But, there's something you must know…over 90% of
communication happens at an unconscious…almost psychic level.
The words you use, although important, make up the smallest
segment of communication.
The trick is to communicate with them in the way they communicate
with themselves. So the first step in real communication is to enter
into that persons world. To do that you need to understand how
they communication…
Communication levels…
Communication happens at many levels. Here are a the major
aspects of communication…
Physiology…
- Body Language
- Breathing patterns. Both speed, tempo, depth of breath and location of breath in the chest.
- Muscle tension or relaxation in every part of the body
- Eye patterns
- Dilation or constriction of pupils
- Motion of eyes
- Length of eye contact
- Predominate "eye accessing cues." (more about eye
- accessing cues in a minute)
Voice…
- Tone
- Pitch
- Volume
- Speed/tempo
- Resonance
- Timber
Speech patterns…
- The words and phrases they use
- Pauses and intonations
- "Color of language"
Internal representations…
- The pictures, sounds, and feelings they create in their own mind.
So how to you match someone's communication…?
Matching or mirroring, the key to instant rapport…
What is matching and mirroring? Well, it’s a process of mimicking
aspects of communication. Doing this skillfully and elegantly
enables you to "enter their world of communication".
The closer you match their physiology and voice the closer your
internal representations will match theirs. In fact when you are "in
tune" and in rapport with someone on a deep level you set up a "bio
feedback loop" where you communicate with them on a psychic and
unconscious level.
In fact, if you were to match someone perfectly in every
way…breathing patterns, muscle tension or relaxation, eye patterns
etc. you would set up such a strong "bio-feedback loop" and
communication on a unconscious and psychic level you could
literally read their mind. You would think the same thoughts as
them, feel the same feelings as them. I know this sounds crazy,
but it's true.
Skillfully mirroring someone is the secret to achieve instant rapport
and trust. And it is the secret to truly understanding their
communication.
The most important aspect of communication to mirror is
physiology. Words are communication on a conscious level.
Physiology is communication on an unconscious level and that is
why it is so powerful.
7% of communication is through words, 38% is from tone of voice
but 55% is from physiology (facial expressions, gestures, quality
and type of movements etc.) Physiology makes up the bulk of
communication.
There are an infinite number of possibilities to mirror but where you
should start your foundation is breathing patterns and physiology.
Breathing patterns and physiology is so powerful because they
happen on an unconscious level. When you are matching
someone's breathing and physiology you are communicating to that
person on an unconscious level. The message you're sending when
you do this is, "I understand you…I'm like you…I'm on the same
level as you."
How to mirror elegantly…
There are two important skills that are absolutely essential if you
want to become an effective mirror. They are…
- Sensory acuity (Being able to pickup on all levels of
communication accurately)
- The ability to become a "chameleon". What I mean by
that is the ability to be flexible and change your
communication styles to match their own. That means
flexibility of communication far beyond what most people
have attained.
Attaining these two skills takes a lot of practice. The best way to
gain this skill is to "keep an external focus" at all times when you
are communicating with someone.
What do I mean by that?
Well, when you have an external focus your senses are focused on
that person…your not "doing internal negotiations" with yourself.
Your not thinking…How do I look to them? What are they thinking
of me? What do I sound like to them? Did they think that comment
was cleaver? What am I going to say next?…etc.
Instead your focus is on them completely. You're noticing their eye
accessing cues…your picking up on their breathing and muscle
tension…you're consciously noticing levels of communication that
would usually only happen unconsciously. And you're doing it
naturally and subtly, almost unconsciously.
Example…
Have you ever been so intensely interested with someone or what
they were talking about that you "stayed completely outside of
yourself"? You never thought about yourself…your focus was
completely on them and what they were saying.
Well, keeping an external focus will help you do the same thing with
not only conscious communication but communication that happens
on an unconscious level.
Counter example…
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and the only thing
going through your mind is what to say when he or she stopped
talking. You have a half-hour conversation. By the end of it you
have no idea what the other person said. In fact, you could have
just as easily been talking to a manikin.
How connected did you feel with that person at that moment? Well,
that is the opposite of what I'm talking about.
Keeping an external focus will help you gain sensory acuity.
Becoming a "chameleon" with your communications styles will take
a lot more practice. To do this you need to understand…
Representational Systems or communications styles…
What are representational systems?
It is a term that describes the way in which someone primarily
communicates with himself or herself.
There are three primary representational systems….
- Auditory (sounds and words)
- Visual (pictures and images)
- Kinesthetic (feelings and emotions)
You communicate in all three at some time or another but you
specialize in one. Most of the communications you have with your
self are in one primary representational system.
Representational systems are one of your most powerful tools for
"entering someone's world". By understanding the way someone
communicates with himself or herself you can instantly
communicate on their level in their own language.
We are all different in the way we "see" the world. By
understanding how someone else sees the world the more
effectively you can communicate with him or her in a way they
will understand and respond to. Representational systems are
like a compass that help you navigate their communication territory.
Lets look at the different representational systems and how to
recognize them in a person…