How to correctly pursue

[jpsp2009]

Hey guys, just became a member of this site . . . have a question that i think applies to a lot of people: a freshman girl in college with a boyfriend

Heres the scenario, im a senior, shes a freshman, we met in yoga class. I play D1 sports for this university and work as a bouncer at a bar, i would say i have a high social value. On the looks side i would consider myself very good looking, judging by the type of girls i seem to attract are 7s and above.

So, first class i dont really notice her, second class she comes and sits next to me (empty room she could have sat anywhere) and starts a conversation. Shes def an 8 if not higher. (For future references i get to class early the rest of the time and she always comes and sits next to me). So during class theres always a lot of eye contact, smiling, so the next week i ask if she wants to come with me to grab a bite to eat after class and she seems excited - the next couple classes we hang out afterwards. By the way, i know she has a boyfriend but she doesnt know that i know thanks facebook

So, one day while were eating i tell her about this concert i have tickets to and i ask if she wants to come along, she is very excited. So it was me, her, my roomate, and 3 of our friends, but we all sat in different places during the concert and me and her went late b/c she had class. So we meet up and she looks amazing, all made up with cleavage and everything . . .very different from how she looks in class. We have an awesome time, both initiate kino and everything.

So, i asked her out to dinner tonight and she said she would love to but she is away for a bachelorette party for her sister-in-law (not BS i remember her telling me this earlier). I made a ****y little joke about how if she needed a stripper tonight for the party to let me know and she completely ate it up, told me i was too funny blah blah.

So, she mentioned the boyfriend to me once, but hasnt said much about him and i never bring him up when we hang out. One thing was when we were going to the concert we met this married couple and they were like "you guys are so cute together how did you meet," and she said we met in yoga class, and then they asked how long we have been dating and i said "haha no were not dating, just friends." She told the couple her boyfriend is at west point and she would feel too bad if she cheated on him.

So, my question is, i generally dont do the whole "friends first" thing becuase i really dont want female friends, i see no point. If i like a girl i make a move, definatelyt dont hesistate. The actions of this girl indicate she is interested, but shes a good girl and i def dont think she would cheat on her boyfriend, although you never know.

I definately dont want to come across as trying to steal her away though, then she might get defensive and think i would be coming across as too up front. Should i just wait out the ship and stay friends with her, and let things go where they must? Her bf is a freshman at west point (1 hr away) but im pretty sure first-years dont get weekends off. I spoke to a female friend of mine about it and she said the girl is prob debating whether to be in a long distance relationship or not . . . any of you guys been in a similar situation? thanks

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

What sport is it you play? Honestly, you probably don't need much advice at all. One thing I realized is to never mention another guy. A bouncer and athlete at a D1 school is respect and clout. Especially for a mesmerized freshman girl. If she gave you the subtle hints then by all means proceed. Just don't pressure, don't lie, be nice, and tell her the truth about what you want. C'mon partner you know how it goes

 

[IOS]

Quite simply, you've been "friendzoned", and it is very hard to get out of the friendzone after you've already been trapped in it. She may be hanging out with you because she has fun with you, but don't expect anything to happen regardless of the "signs" that she is showing.

The fact that she has mentioned her boyfriend to you should be an indicator that she just wants to stay friends.

Although on second thought, you really have nothing to lose at this point. Might as well go for it and tell her your true intentions, no use getting deeper and deeper into the friendzone.

 

[jpsp2009]

Quite simply, you've been "friendzoned", and it is very hard to get out of the friendzone after you've already been trapped in it. She may be hanging out with you because she has fun with you, but don't expect anything to happen regardless of the "signs" that she is showing.

The fact that she has mentioned her boyfriend to you should be an indicator that she just wants to stay friends.

Although on second thought, you really have nothing to lose at this point. Might as well go for it and tell her your true intentions, no use getting deeper and deeper into the friendzone.

We've been hanging out for only a few weeks and she is in a relationship now, so the fact that im "friendzoned" doenst bother me one bit. I really think coming out now and indicating im interested or at the very least physically escalating towards a kiss would come off as abrasive and shed be like "what are you doing? You know i have a boyfriend" I think shes been with him for 5-6 months and shes not going to leave him for some guy shes met 3 weeks earlier, i think i need to build more comfort and attraction and let her be the one to escalate. I mean, shes a college freshman, just rushed a sorority, bf rarely if never available, i figure she must get horny at some point and reconsider the whole long distance thing. Besides, she was the one who approached me, she was the one who asked for my number after class . . . and this was BEFORE we had ever hung out. So why would a girl, who from what i can tell not and attention ***** and not a slut, be the one to do these things first?

 

[IOS]

Here's the thing: Getting out of the friendzone is nearly impossible. Yes it can be done, but the chances of that happening are slim. Girls do give misleading signs all the time, and now you're in an unfavourable position. Right now, you're thinking of taking a passive approach which is also not a good idea. You're just relying on her for things to work out, and thats not good. You're going to be spending so much time thinking about her and worrying about her, and you could be waiting for a point in time that may never come. I'd just move on.

 

[jpsp2009]

Here's the thing: Getting out of the friendzone is nearly impossible. Yes it can be done, but the chances of that happening are slim. Girls do give misleading signs all the time, and now you're in an unfavourable position. Right now, you're thinking of taking a passive approach which is also not a good idea. You're just relying on her for things to work out, and thats not good. You're going to be spending so much time thinking about her and worrying about her, and you could be waiting for a point in time that may never come. I'd just move on.

You do have a point about the friendzone, but you are mistaking 2 types of friendzones. The first one is nearly impossible to get out of, the one i am assuming you are referring to, is when you go out/hook up with a girl a few times, then act AFC and she stops responding to your advances and gives you the LJBF speech. In this case, it is difficult to change her opinion of you, and the only possible way out is to forget about her and be seen happy with other girls.

In the other "friendzone" i refer to is the one where the girl must tell herself that every guy is "just a friend" to protect herself from feeling like a slvt for thinking about cheating. Girls very may well have feelings for other guys or start to develop feelings. The high school sweetheart scenario is THE classic example. After living your life in a small bubble of people you move 2,000 miles away and meet people you never thought you would meet.

To this girl, i am a male with high social value and who has taken her out and shown her how much fun i am. The concert, even though we met up with my friends, was pretty much the 2 of us 99 percent of the time. She knows i have options (she knows i have been dating this other girl and asked why i took her instead of the girl) and often times i chat with different girls after the class is over. I am in the "friend zone" simply because i have no other place to be. i am the farthest thing from AFC and have yet to do or say anything that could possibly put me in that category. By stating my intentions now I definately come across as too stong and it will give her more reasons to stay with her bf.

I mean, she has been the one who put in the effort to get to know ME in the beginning, i could have given two shvts about who she was. I'm definately not a guy girls meet and go "i can definately see myself being just friends with him" becuase i dont put out that vibe. I am taking the class with a teammate of mine and she hasnt made any effort to get to know him, in fact she couldnt even remember his name when i brought him up at the concert.

I'm just saying, I dont think i am in the traditional friendzone and hard as it may be if anything is going to work out between us i just need to play it cool, see other girls, and let her do the chasing, which is what i am pretty much doing right now . . .