How to conquer my fear ?

[UnluckyGuy]

Hey, I am new here and have no clue when it comes to girls. Anyways I have a huge fear of approaching girls due to my looks and size(skinny). I think my biggest problem is making eye contact with girls that I see near by. Its like I try not to make eye contact and i dont know why. I almost feel like im desperate or something if i look their way. If eye contact is good then it paves the way to more paths, from what I have taken in. The more eye contact a girl makes with you a public the more she is saying come over to me and say something, right?

So would anyone have any tips, doesnt even have to be about approaching girls but just getting their attention and making eye contact. That would be nice start, even though I think im hopeless I have not given up completely but almost. I want to do this so I am trying to stay determined.

 

[Dogfish]

read the bible.

(dj bible that is)

 

[UnluckyGuy]

I did read most of it, I just wanted to know if anyone had any tips that would like to personally give.

 

[Bourne]

Accept the fact that the road ahead will be hard and perhaps long, but worth every step. Do a search and read the articles in tip section. Specially the ones with 4-5 stars, that way you don't read crap.

There is no quick fix. Never was, never will be.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

I can only give you one advice through an image, you're trying to get into a pool but the water is too cold,if you try to get in slowly you are most likely to get out,only way is to dive in.

 

[MagikDude]

Well, a good hint is not to dwell on size or looks much, one of my old best friends during my AFC days was a small wirey dude, and he could get the girls better than I could, and I'm a large 6'3" monster who'd been told he's good looking by just about everybody. Looks don't matter that much, attitude and confidence are more important, however efforts can be maintained to change certain things if you like.

Sure I know it's hard, but keep working on Eye contact, you'd be surprised how far it can get you sometimes.

 

[Nexxus]

if you don't approach you won't get girls
if you don't approach but want to you're a *****
if you don't approach you won't improve with girls
you fail at everything you don't give a chance

 

[white cloud 8]

if you don't approach you won't get girls
if you don't approach but want to you're a *****
if you don't approach you won't improve with girls
you fail at everything you don't give a chance

people..this person seems to get it (claims to be 16 yrs. old), you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

[Jariel]

The surest way to gain confidence is to give yourself something to feel confident about. You stated being skinny as one of your insecurities. Well, you can do something about this!

Head over to the health and fitness forum and check out Diesel's bulking guide. I was also pretty skinny, and weak, and insecure, then 4 months of following that guide, everything changed!

 

[T Money]

You have to feel good about yourself. You have to believe that you're the catch, not her. She should WANT you to come talk to her from one glance with the confidence and posture you express. You're the best thing to happen to women since the vibrator. You're the man.

 

[far from average]

Maybe a visualization exercise? Every day for like a half an hour or so, sit down in a comfortable place and imagine yourself making approaches and imagine the girls all up on your jock. I mean, imagine that they can't get enough of you. Try to make it realistic and as detailed as possible. That's important. A lot of famous people use visualization techniques. One was dennis rodman. He did it before each game-imagined himself grabbing rebounds, and he was amazing at it.

Eventually you will start to believe it can happen. Read up on psycho-cybernetics to learn more.

 

[KingBeef]

Hey, I am new here and have no clue when it comes to girls. Anyways I have a huge fear of approaching girls due to my looks and size(skinny). I think my biggest problem is making eye contact with girls that I see near by. Its like I try not to make eye contact and i dont know why. I almost feel like im desperate or something if i look their way. If eye contact is good then it paves the way to more paths, from what I have taken in. The more eye contact a girl makes with you a public the more she is saying come over to me and say something, right?

So would anyone have any tips, doesnt even have to be about approaching girls but just getting their attention and making eye contact. That would be nice start, even though I think im hopeless I have not given up completely but almost. I want to do this so I am trying to stay determined.

how about this for a tip :trouble: :trouble:

If you think of yourself as good, caring human being YOU SHOULD HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO APPROACH. Because if you don't, how would you like to see her weeks later with some FAT, UGLY, MOFO BASTARD LOOKING...if the thought of that gets you MAD then it should!!!

Now go out there, approach and simply TAKE YOUR WOMAN!!!!

-kingbeef

 

[AudiTy]

I like the way Mystery described it.

He says, there are only to states when it comes to picking up women. An AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) or a mPUA (Master Pick-Up Artist). He goes on to make you visualise two islands surrounded by nothing but water. You are only safe on the islands, and once you jump into the water it's a long, struggling swim to the other side. This is of course an analogy of the time you spend becoming a PUA being, and how it is where you are most vulnerable to the fears and insecurities that you will eventually shed at the other island.

I think the first step for you is doing research on Inner-Game. Just by your name you communicate you're communicating your negative outlook on life. Seriously, register again, but this time under a less negative name. It may seem unnecessary but it's your first step towards your goal.

But I must warn you now, there is no quick fix for your problem. For a lot of the guys here, including me, we're lifers. I'll never stop in my pursuit for an exceptional life. Prepare for an exciting yet troublesome battle ahead, but be safe in the knowledge you will come out a better person all round if you stick it out till the end.

-AudiTy =o

 

[Socialreject]

Just start by challenging your fears. It's the best way to get rid of them. You don't have to go all out and just jump in the water if that's to big a step.

Start with just waving or smiling, nodding, whatever, some form of affirmation, when a girl makes EC.

Then move up to extending your hand and saying hello, just hello, there doesn't have to be any conversation if you don't feel comfy with that just yet.

Then move up to EC, hello and conversation. One step at a time.

There is nothign weird about it, you're just being sociable and polite. Just start with simple conversations. Once you're comfy with that, move up to making moves!

But, whatever you do, always keep MOVING, don't stay stuck in just nodding or smiling, or making every day conversation, you have to keep putting the ladder higher for yourself, it's the only way to evolve.

If you go to fast to soon, you will end up with a lot of screw ups and coming off weird or unnatural. There is nothing really wrong with that, but it maybe very confusing at first. Sarging is just like any other skill, it's a process. Think of swimming, first you splatter around a bit, swallow some water etc, then you actually start to float a bit and move around and gradually you evolve into pulling lanes!

You could just run up to the pool and jump in the deep end, that's one way, but it's a very uncomfortable way that might end up in the ER ;-)

 

[xblitz44x]

Some good advice on this thread, but I think you should also examine the fears that fire-up when you're trying to lock eyes with that cutie across the room. What exactly are you feeling? Are you feeling skinny, ugly, desperate? And why? If you notice, the 'hotter' or more perfect you perceive a girl, the more vulnerable you feel and the more you become reminded of your own imperfections. "Damn, she's hot. Her body is smoking! Man, I'm skinny and scrawny, she'd never want me. She probably dates those muscle heads."

Face down your fear and realize how silly it is. Realize that she is going through the same exact thing that you are. She's facing down her own perceived imperfections. And when you've seen through the bullshyt that is flying through your head, you can walk up to a person and talk to them without it being a traumatizing experience. It's just conversation.

 

[white cloud 8]

Some good advice on this thread, but I think you should also examine the fears that fire-up when you're trying to lock eyes with that cutie across the room. What exactly are you feeling? Are you feeling skinny, ugly, desperate? And why? If you notice, the 'hotter' or more perfect you perceive a girl, the more vulnerable you feel and the more you become reminded of your own imperfections. "Damn, she's hot. Her body is smoking! Man, I'm skinny and scrawny, she'd never want me. She probably dates those muscle heads."

Face down your fear and realize how silly it is. Realize that she is going through the same exact thing that you are. She's facing down her own perceived imperfections. And when you've seen through the bullshyt that is flying through your head, you can walk up to a person and talk to them without it being a traumatizing experience. It's just conversation.

it's all in your head..so true, just go and do it *NO EXCUSES*