the_stig
Senior Don Juan
Her calls/texts aren't as often, as enthusiastic, she isn't as eager to see you or please you. What's the most effective move a DJ can make to salvage the situation?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
How to combat a declining IL?
- Thread starter the_stig
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
5string
Master Don Juan
Let her contact you. Distance yourself. She'll wonder what's up and her IL will most likely go back up. Another thing is that she needs to know that you have, or can have other options besides her.
Mantis Toboggan
Master Don Juan
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Back off.
Attention is currency. If she's not earning the attention you give her, then take some back. Give her a pay cut, if you know what I mean.
Either your lowered level of attention sparks interest in her or it causes her to leave entirely, which would have happened anyway.
The lower level of attention will spark interest by making her wonder if you've become interested in another woman or if you're losing attraction to her or whatever crazy thoughts enter a woman's head.
So that's pretty much your only tool. You're not going to raise her IL by being MORE attentive and more loving. It's gotta be the opposite.
Attention is currency. If she's not earning the attention you give her, then take some back. Give her a pay cut, if you know what I mean.
Either your lowered level of attention sparks interest in her or it causes her to leave entirely, which would have happened anyway.
The lower level of attention will spark interest by making her wonder if you've become interested in another woman or if you're losing attraction to her or whatever crazy thoughts enter a woman's head.
So that's pretty much your only tool. You're not going to raise her IL by being MORE attentive and more loving. It's gotta be the opposite.
charlie647
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I'm in a similar situation - my question is how much to back off? I mean, you can go all the way from just flat out waiting for her to contact you, to maybe sending her a text every few days just to say "hi". If you completely back off, will she get the impression that YOU have no interest and in return lose interest herself?
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
No truer words were ever spoken.Mantis Toboggan said:
PapiChulo
Master Don Juan
charlie647 said:
Search Ganji Games. Just be aloof, disinterested and BUSY! You can always slip some teasing after a week or two if you see her on a regular basis.
That works %100 if you made your intentions clear and she has/had interest at some point. If the two arent met it is like beating a dead horse but you should be moving on for real anyway.
nismo-4
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Keep your distance, spin more plates, don't chase, and be busy with your goddamn life.
Case closed. Point blank.
Case closed. Point blank.
Duracell_Bunny
Senior Don Juan
As others have said backing off is the best thing to do this situation. If its just dating or a relationship this will conclude to either:
From previous experience, trying to gain a chicks interest by being very giving is the worst thing to do and will possibly make a fool out of you.
- She has interest in you this will not push her away when she realizes she hasn't "got you". May think you have lost interest, lined up someone else etc. Begins to miss your attention and will begin thinking what she did wrong, or even ask you something on them lines. She will do anything she can to get your attention.
- She may have someone else lined up. If she doesn't contact you, or contacts you being non-flirty/non-enthusiastic/doesn't make any effort to see you,you've saved yourself a whole lot of time. Oh, and if it doesn't work out with her other option its very likley she will come back to you at some point later on - of which you don't go there and move on, your not second best and you do not take sloppy seconds, right?
From previous experience, trying to gain a chicks interest by being very giving is the worst thing to do and will possibly make a fool out of you.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
charlie647
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Great thoughts
bukowski_merit
Master Don Juan
Falcon got it right.
Yes, backing off, giving her space, acting busy/aloof, and generally doing the same to her that she's doing to you - CAN (sometimes) make her come begging back into your life... But, if her IL is down - there's a reason, and you need to figure out what that reason is, and MAKE SURE you work on that with the next one! There's generally 4 reasons a girl loses interest: 1) You're too nice/too much of a push over. --- 2) You're too available to her. --- 3) You're not leading the relationship (letting her make all the choices.) --- 4) You're too needy/crowding her!.... There's also a 5th reason, and that one is ANOTHER GUY! (i'd say this is 50% of the time, but is' out of your control; the other 4 are in your control.)
In short - you're not a challenge to her.
Falcon said to make her jealous. And honestly, in all my years - that is the only sure fire way to get things done. IF she sees you with another woman - the beast will be unleashed! You will not see a gradual increase in her IL, you will see a huge increase in her IL. ~Field Tested~
The only thing that scares me about telling younger/inexperienced guys this, is - sometimes she will throw tons of sh!t at you and you must be ready for it! Be ready for anything... From tears, to "I never want to see you again!" If you're not ready for that - don't even consider playing these games.
If you're looking for the perfect answer, that will fix things perfectly - there isn't one.
Yes, backing off, giving her space, acting busy/aloof, and generally doing the same to her that she's doing to you - CAN (sometimes) make her come begging back into your life... But, if her IL is down - there's a reason, and you need to figure out what that reason is, and MAKE SURE you work on that with the next one! There's generally 4 reasons a girl loses interest: 1) You're too nice/too much of a push over. --- 2) You're too available to her. --- 3) You're not leading the relationship (letting her make all the choices.) --- 4) You're too needy/crowding her!.... There's also a 5th reason, and that one is ANOTHER GUY! (i'd say this is 50% of the time, but is' out of your control; the other 4 are in your control.)
In short - you're not a challenge to her.
Falcon said to make her jealous. And honestly, in all my years - that is the only sure fire way to get things done. IF she sees you with another woman - the beast will be unleashed! You will not see a gradual increase in her IL, you will see a huge increase in her IL. ~Field Tested~
The only thing that scares me about telling younger/inexperienced guys this, is - sometimes she will throw tons of sh!t at you and you must be ready for it! Be ready for anything... From tears, to "I never want to see you again!" If you're not ready for that - don't even consider playing these games.
If you're looking for the perfect answer, that will fix things perfectly - there isn't one.
nismo-4
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I had to bold big all of those reasons!!! That sh*t needs to go in the bible! For the perfect answer that will fix things perfectly; Fame and fortune.bukowski_merit said:
charlie647
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Since "there's another guy" is say 50% of the time, is there anything you can do in this situation? Or do you just next her?
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
It has already been alluded to above:
The Cardinal Rule of Relationships
Either way (either declining IL or another dude) chasing her will not work.
Here's a good read on the subject:Rollo Tomassi said:
The Cardinal Rule of Relationships
Either way (either declining IL or another dude) chasing her will not work.
best way to sum it up.
STOP GIVING A SH1T.
Just do your thing. If it works out, fcking awesome you get to fck a hot girl. If it doesn't, who fcking cares. Not the end of the world - we have more important sh1t to worry about, right? (fcking hope so man, women should never be a priority unless you're about to marry her. Even then she's there to help YOU, not the other way around)
STOP GIVING A SH1T.
Just do your thing. If it works out, fcking awesome you get to fck a hot girl. If it doesn't, who fcking cares. Not the end of the world - we have more important sh1t to worry about, right? (fcking hope so man, women should never be a priority unless you're about to marry her. Even then she's there to help YOU, not the other way around)