How to calm/talk people down

[mpimpin]

For example when facing bullies, a friends in a dangerous situation, your about to fight etc.

Do any of you know any good books, articles, or styles? There is something specific I was told once that the FBI teaches their agents that is along these lines, but I can't remember what it is.

 

[CaptainJ]

Bully:"I'm gonna punch your face in."
You: "My wall's not four feet high?"
Bully: ?!?!?!

 

[speakeasy]

If someone truly has it in for you, trying to talk them out of it ain't gonna work. In that case, it's fight or flight. If it's a situation where you stepped on someone's foot or unknowlingly was trying to mack up his girlfriend and he gets mad, saying, "sorry, my bad" will relieve the situation 99% of time.

 

[Da Realist]

With some people, if you stand up to them while talking in a calm voice, it defuses a lot of the situation. There are times when the other person is going to swing at you anyway. In that case, talking may throw them off a little and buy you time, but you better have something planned after the words stop. Then there is time when its best to shut up and either run or defend yourself.

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

Try to make them talk. Just repeat what they say in different words and ask them questions. Don't worry if they say stuff like "I don't want to talk about it" or "I don't care".

A: Rawr! I am angry because of blah blah blah. Raaa!
B: So you're angry because of bleh bleh, and bleh? I see where you're coming from.
A: No you don't! You never did and you never will! This whole thing is bad because of blah blah! Raaa!
B: So you think the whole thing is bad because of 'blah blah'? I see what you mean.



Don't try to actually talk them *out* of whatever they're saying, or try to prove them wrong.

Just say what they're saying and tell them you understand how they feel. Nothing else.

 

[coolf1r3]

You tell them that your cat just won the lottery and while they're like , you punch them in the face.

 

[mpimpin]

I was wondering from an outsiders point of view as well.

This summer if all goes right I'll be an adviser for some youth and maybe even some inner city troubled home types and was looking for advice to give kids if they have problems with each other. Or ways to talk two of them out of a fight etc.

 

[PRMoon]

Who doesn't carry and extra tranq gun around with them these days?

 

[Heart Break Kid]

For example when facing bullies, a friends in a dangerous situation, your about to fight etc.

Do any of you know any good books, articles, or styles? There is something specific I was told once that the FBI teaches their agents that is along these lines, but I can't remember what it is.

While I'm sure non sequiturs and nouning their phrases back to them work for some situations, you might better find what you're looking for in hostage negotiation books. The whole premise of these books are defusing conflict in dangerous scenarios. If you understand the dynamics involved here, you should have no trouble applying it elsewhere and calming anyone down. As I'm sure you're aware, taking a police course or something would be much better but I doubt you have the time (especially with all the modding we've had to do recently ! )

If you're going to look these up on amazon, you might want to start here. I have a friend who brings the "On-Scene Guide for Crisis Negotiators" with him when he gets called down. Might be worth a look.

 

[DJDamage]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdU-dcouUrk&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shPj5xidsQo&feature=channel_page

 

[mpimpin]

Thanks HBK. Exactly what I was looking for

Thanks for the videos DJDamage.

 

[Moose_God_II]

Well if you're standing your ground but not being the aggressor, then sometimes you just gotta square up and fight.