How to build a social circle

MacAvoy

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Alright, we all know that I rely heavily on my social circle for my hunting success. But you need a circle to draw upon, so at the request of legolas, I'm writing a how to thread.

The most important thing about building a social circle is that you have to be social. So if your not social, that is step one.

I'd recommend reading "How to Win Friends & Influence People" as a good start. I think I also read a similar book about marketing your business that is very similar.

Another key aspect to successfully building a social circle is the ability to tell stories and or jokes. I find this is also imperative to the success. In every social gathering there are absorbers and absorbed: The absorbed are people who offer value and energy to the group by telling positive stories or jokes. Who are you? Are you the one that gets absorbed or the one that absorbs?

If you want to build a social circle then, from times to times,*you* must be the one that brings people together. You must be the one that calls people up and proposes: "Hey we are doing this and that, do you want to hook up?".

Be the spider. Make your network.


Another aspect is to have multiple social circles that are separate from each other. Its about diversity and having different options, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket.

Another important factor in building your social circle will be getting outside your comfort zone. Early while your building, your going to have to go to events and START conversation with people. Your not going to have anyone friendly in some NEW environments and you've got to force yourself to not only fit in, but to strive to be a leader so that people will want you around.

I find I start by mirroring people, aka matching their emotions / tones, then I'll try telling a relevant story, expanding on a point they have made earlier or going with a tangent but something you know they can relate to.

You also want to number close and get contact info.

I've built a new social circle twice, the first time I found a group that was designed for new people moving to a city, even though I lived there my whole life, it was perfect, it was a social circle in a bottle. The second time I had to do it from scratch, I didn't know anybody. I recommend that you pretend your in a new city and explore your options.

Be a tourist in your city, this is even a great idea for dating. People from all over the country seek out certain aspects of your region, they are in your backyard, use that to your advantage, you can find people with common interests at these places.

When you meet new people, accept every invitation. You might not even be interested in something, but it could lead to new opportunities that you are interested in. It never hurts to broaden your horizons. (it helps that I'm adventurous and will try almost anything once).

Don't be picky at first who you do stuff with, just focus on practicing your friend building and social circle building. Use the less interesting people as stepping stones.

If your not naturally a great conversationalist or good with small talk, prepare a list of topics ahead of time that you can bring up. I still do this when dating new women, I hate talking on the phone or just small talk, so I'll often have a list of things to talk about during quiet times or when I feel like I haven't participated.

Thats another thing, be conscious of how much you partake in conversations in group settings, don't listen to much, and if you take the lead, make sure your interesting, nobody likes a guy that likes to hear his own voice. I find the best way is to really develop your story telling or jokes.

Expanding on this, in all of the above situations, be positive. No matter where you are or what your doing, if your positive, you'll stand out above the crowd. Go the extra mile in being positive, be cheerfully, almost sickly cheerful. For example if someone asks how you are, don't say good or fine, that is SO BORING. Say I'm awesome, or SPECTACULAR and say it with conviction, bring up the level of energy and people will follow you, they'll mirror you basically. This is a huge factor, lead and people will follow.

Alright so those are some of the ways to build your circle. Now lets look at some of the places to build your social circle.

Work / Networking

This is straight forward. You share common interests with people at work, work in similar fields, you can go for drinks with people after work, you can attend work functions. You can develop friendships and meet friends of coworkers.

You can host an event for coworkers and be the center of the party, this is very easy to do. It also boosts your image at work. Depending on your job, there might be associations / workshops etc... that you can attend to meet similar minded people as well.

Dating

This should be a given, but you can build your circle through the women you date. I'm always very careful not to burn bridges of women I date. Why because I see them as a valuable resource in a potential work network and I've found it to come in handy. But you can also use the women to build your network, befriend her friends. Be careful not to alienate her though by coming across as trying to pick up her friends. Befriend her male friends.

Hobbies

This is the most important and best place IMO. By getting out there and getting involved in hobbies that you enjoy, you will meet like minded people. From there, you can get to know them, and likely find other common interests. You know what you like, get out there and do something that you enjoy. You have a lot more interests than you realize, think about them, here is a list of hobbies

For example when I moved to Halifax, I built a large social circle through poker. I read in the newspaper about a poker club in the region, found their website, I went to a game. I think it was the day before NYE, so I ended up meeting up with a couple of them for NYE as my other plans fell though. From then on, I played with them regularly, found some people that I had more in common with, slowly started spending more time with them and it blossomed from there. One friend at a time, then you meet friends of their friends, then I met people that were also in my field of work and you just keep building. One friend at a time. From there I entered into hockey pools with people. I just kept expanding on my circle from within my circle into new circles.

Online Forums

This was another great avenue. My roommate (another avenue) told me about this site called locals, it was all people in Halifax, they talked about music, local stores, current events whatever. Then they had meet ups, a lot of people knew each other from being members for so long, but they are open to new people. So you start off by just posting in the community, then once your handle / persona gets known and you've got a bit of a reputation, you meet up with others.

Do a google search to find a forum in your city that will interest you.

Residence / Neighborhood

Get involved in your neighborhood, say hi to your neighbors, find out what is going on at the community center / arena / ball park, where ever people gather. Say hi to your neighbors, get a roommate.


Bars / music

Straight forward, find a bar that interests you, whether it be a sports bar or a bar that plays your favourite music, go there when its not jam packed and strike up conversation with the bartender or people there. Find venues where their is music and strike up convos there.
sports

Clubs

This is another great way, its basically an extension of a hobby. Join a club that interests you. You'll meet like minded people and be involved in things that you enjoy. There are culture clubs ie an Italian club, there are service clubs, like Kinsmen, Lions, the Lodge, toastmasters, Sierra Club (hiking is a great way to meet people for some reason)

Again do a google search or look in your phone book.

Classes / courses

Take a class or a course that intrigues or interests you. Of if nothing floats your boat, try something totally out of left field. You'd be amazed how trying something new can be interesting. Take a dance class (it will come in handy). Again taking a class in something that your interested in will get you in touch with like minded people.

Get a p/t Social job (bartender)

Find a job where your forced to be very social and meet people constantly. This will give you extra money which you'll need because a lot of the above costs money and with more money, you get more options. But don't let that hold you back, you can still do a lot without a tonne of money.

Couchsurfing.com

This is something that is pretty interesting, depending on your city, sign up and you basically allow people to crash on your couch while they are passing through town. Its an interesting way to meet a lot of different and interesting people.

I also met different people on Plenty of Fish, in the forums section, there were groups of people that were not on the forums to date, but they planned regular events in the city so that they could just get together.

The point is, your options are limitless, you can build a social circle from anywhere, you just have to be committed and persistent.


editors note: italics = stolen from google search, no point in reinventing the wheel
 

GeorgeStrom

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very bump worthy.

I suggest you join a league that plays a sport that you want to play.

They usually have a beer night/BBQ's and other gatherings.

Also, maybe consider doing some volunteer work. The people you meet there are interested in things, besides themselves, so they will make excellent friends.
 

Moon Ram

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Summery: Go out...Do new things...Expand your horizon...
 

Dirty D

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Here´s my take on Social Game:

The MOST COMMON way to WASTE ****loads of your mega valuable time and energy is by getting rid off women who are NOT interested in you, or who YOU aren´t interested in romantically speaking.

We, as men, have an ugly tendency to start talking and keep talking to the cuties we have a love interest in..but the SAME moment it turns out they aren't into us or don't seem like dating material, we LEAVE.

If you're guilty of this crime...slap yourself silly, and the moment you come to your senses..slap yourself again. Because if you would STOP and think about what you're doing, then you would see you were being a dumb #ss because..

Here's a juicy secret: if you befriend a woman and become near best friends with her, not only can you learn stuff from her..but she can also introduce you to all of the girls SHE knows.

Think about it: she has female relatives, neighbors, colleagues, classmates, acquaintances, study buddies, friends, and more..

Do you understand what this means?

It means that by NOT dating 1 woman, you can date MANY women, so apply some friggin' strategical thinking to your dating destiny the next time you meet a woman will you?

And say those women you meet through female friend number 1, say some of them are fun but not dating material TOO..make a female friend number 2 out of 'em and you could meet the females THEY know too, creating a whole pyramid like structure of Social Game!

How can you get a woman to introduce you to who she knows
you say?


Three things:

1. Women absolutely LOVE to play match makers, to act like Cupid and bring two people together in love..so when you're using this method don't tell them "Hey, introduce me to all your cute friends now" (it doesn't work smarty pants), tell them you have a crush on this or that girl they know..and they can't resist being a stand-in for Cupid…

2. Make it worth her while, and make a deal with her that for every hot, interesting woman she introduces YOU to…you'll introduce HER to a hot, interesting guy in return. This way, she'll keep on introducing you, AND all the women you don't wanna date or that don't wanna date you..can be
befriended and used to repeat the whole damn Social Game cycle!

3. Make it FUN for her, and play around with it: go out and make a bet around who can seduce more people for the other sex (where you need to convince men that she's all that and she has to do it with women), go out and let her tell you which hotties are interested in you (you'll be SHOCKED doing this), and on and on..
 

Solomon

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Dirty D said:
Here´s my take on Social Game:

The MOST COMMON way to WASTE ****loads of your mega valuable time and energy is by getting rid off women who are NOT interested in you, or who YOU aren´t interested in romantically speaking.

We, as men, have an ugly tendency to start talking and keep talking to the cuties we have a love interest in..but the SAME moment it turns out they aren't into us or don't seem like dating material, we LEAVE.

If you're guilty of this crime...slap yourself silly, and the moment you come to your senses..slap yourself again. Because if you would STOP and think about what you're doing, then you would see you were being a dumb #ss because..

Here's a juicy secret: if you befriend a woman and become near best friends with her, not only can you learn stuff from her..but she can also introduce you to all of the girls SHE knows.

Think about it: she has female relatives, neighbors, colleagues, classmates, acquaintances, study buddies, friends, and more..

Do you understand what this means?

It means that by NOT dating 1 woman, you can date MANY women, so apply some friggin' strategical thinking to your dating destiny the next time you meet a woman will you?

And say those women you meet through female friend number 1, say some of them are fun but not dating material TOO..make a female friend number 2 out of 'em and you could meet the females THEY know too, creating a whole pyramid like structure of Social Game!

How can you get a woman to introduce you to who she knows
you say?


Three things:

1. Women absolutely LOVE to play match makers, to act like Cupid and bring two people together in love..so when you're using this method don't tell them "Hey, introduce me to all your cute friends now" (it doesn't work smarty pants), tell them you have a crush on this or that girl they know..and they can't resist being a stand-in for Cupid…

2. Make it worth her while, and make a deal with her that for every hot, interesting woman she introduces YOU to…you'll introduce HER to a hot, interesting guy in return. This way, she'll keep on introducing you, AND all the women you don't wanna date or that don't wanna date you..can be
befriended and used to repeat the whole damn Social Game cycle!

3. Make it FUN for her, and play around with it: go out and make a bet around who can seduce more people for the other sex (where you need to convince men that she's all that and she has to do it with women), go out and let her tell you which hotties are interested in you (you'll be SHOCKED doing this), and on and on..

BINGO

This works not a 100% of time, but it can work and it has worked
 

shock

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Son that was solid. Very motivating. Thanks man.
 

Maxtro

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Guys you may want to noticed that he's been banned when you thank him.

Either way The content is still good and I will look more into it.
 

cool dude

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yea great post.I am having hard time meeting people probably I do not try hard enough but that is all changing.You have great ideas and your right the possibilities are endless.
 

Thelma89

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I move all the time because my husband is military. I currently do not know any spouses and we are all separated due to the lack of military housing. It took me a while but there are groups of people out there that do something that you like to do. I would find something you like to do. Then find other people who are doing it in the area. Approach them and start a conversation. It's almost like dating. You know by talking to someone you can find out when they come are what they do. Then you can show up a few times to these events or places and make a few buddies that way.

In my case I have 2 kids so I engaged the scout parents. I started a fit and fun moms club that will meet 1or2 times a week. It is good because we all want to get out of the house and we all have school aged kids.
 
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