btownbuck2012
Master Don Juan
So I'm back in Indiana where I grew up for the holidays with my parents.
I've been on this forum for a while now. I've had 2 LTRS in my life with some short term flings in between and 1 one night stand that I didn't really enjoy that much. The first LTR was in college and lasted close to 3 years, the second ended just recently after a year and half.
A little background on myself: I was a real shy kid growing up and the pain of being that way led me to this site. Over the years, hell the last decade, I have been pushing myself to improve socially, physically, mentally and with women. There definitely have been setbacks but I feel like I've really hit a wall here.
I moved to the East Coast from the Midwest 3 and half years ago and spent the last 2 years working at a start up company in NYC. Well it's not a start up anymore. I was the 21st employee and when I left this past September we were just at over a 100 employee headcount and I played a big part in helping build out and scale their inside sales team. I was even promoted into a manager role and really enjoyed having a team of people to help and coach.
This girl I dated in NYC was dominican and she really seemed to be head over heels for me. For the first year I held a pretty strong frame with her and felt like she really adored me but there were red flags there (dysfunctional family, she had poor views on relationships and men in general) but I didn't care because this was the first LTR I had been in in over 3+ years since I left college and to be honest I still REALLY struggle with accepting the fact that I don't need an LTR to be happy. I think this stems from the shy years as a kid and wanting a relationship so bad that it hurt and not being able to "figure girls out".
Long story short the relationship ended with this girl just as I was really starting to fall for her and it hurt like hell. I remember the girl I dated in college, when we ended things it was mainly because we were graduating and she was moving to another part of the country but to be honest the spark had faded and I did feel as if she was losing interest. So while that was hard to get through it wasn't anything like this last breakup. This girl pulled a complete night and day personality change and dumped me quick. It hurt like hell but I push through it.
About 30 days later I got fired at work. It wasn't performance related, it was due to "several people coming forward and admitting they felt uncomfortable about the 'sexist' comments I had been known to make from time to time". Again, I'm from Indiana and have a conservative view on things and that doesn't always mesh well in NYC. Am I a sexist? No. Did I say things that liberal folks in NYC whom during an election year might take out of context? Probably. But at the end of the day I got canned. So I lost a girlfriend and a job back to back.
On top of that, about 3 weeks ago my 67 year old Dad had a complete nervous breakdown and had to be committed to a psych ward in my hometown. This wrecked my Mom and has changed the way her life will probably be moving forward. My Dad is on a slew of meds right now and at one point during his psychotic episode actually told my Mom that he was gay and had always been gay...not sure if this is true or not and I'm also not sure whether or not this CAUSED the nervous breakdown (can you imagine keeping in a secret like that for 30+ years?) but my mom and family members have pretty much hushed it as "that can't be true, obviously". Since he's been in the hospital he hasn't spoken about it but you can't help but wonder.
I've still got a place in NYC (paid my rent for December and January) but no job right now and the money is getting a bit tight. I'm definitely going back out there but I just feel really down about my situation right now. Lost a girl, a job and now am having to help my mom with the issues my dad is having. When I got fired at work all the 'friends' I thought I had at the company basically shunned me. The Ex GF has been ice cold as well. After I got fired I called her up and asked her if I could just talk to her as I needed to speak with someone after this traumatic event went down and she had been the person I was closest to out there for the past 2 years and she basically just told me to leave her alone. Very cold. Couldn't believe it.
I guess I just feel like I was at the top of the mountain, all those years of hard work had paid off and then I lost it. All of it. And I've always been too much in my own head so I've overthought this all to the point of a really hard depression.
So my question to you older guys is this: What have been some times in your life where you felt completely down and out and weren't sure you'd be able to recover but did? How did you do it? How did you summon the inner strength?
I've been on this forum for a while now. I've had 2 LTRS in my life with some short term flings in between and 1 one night stand that I didn't really enjoy that much. The first LTR was in college and lasted close to 3 years, the second ended just recently after a year and half.
A little background on myself: I was a real shy kid growing up and the pain of being that way led me to this site. Over the years, hell the last decade, I have been pushing myself to improve socially, physically, mentally and with women. There definitely have been setbacks but I feel like I've really hit a wall here.
I moved to the East Coast from the Midwest 3 and half years ago and spent the last 2 years working at a start up company in NYC. Well it's not a start up anymore. I was the 21st employee and when I left this past September we were just at over a 100 employee headcount and I played a big part in helping build out and scale their inside sales team. I was even promoted into a manager role and really enjoyed having a team of people to help and coach.
This girl I dated in NYC was dominican and she really seemed to be head over heels for me. For the first year I held a pretty strong frame with her and felt like she really adored me but there were red flags there (dysfunctional family, she had poor views on relationships and men in general) but I didn't care because this was the first LTR I had been in in over 3+ years since I left college and to be honest I still REALLY struggle with accepting the fact that I don't need an LTR to be happy. I think this stems from the shy years as a kid and wanting a relationship so bad that it hurt and not being able to "figure girls out".
Long story short the relationship ended with this girl just as I was really starting to fall for her and it hurt like hell. I remember the girl I dated in college, when we ended things it was mainly because we were graduating and she was moving to another part of the country but to be honest the spark had faded and I did feel as if she was losing interest. So while that was hard to get through it wasn't anything like this last breakup. This girl pulled a complete night and day personality change and dumped me quick. It hurt like hell but I push through it.
About 30 days later I got fired at work. It wasn't performance related, it was due to "several people coming forward and admitting they felt uncomfortable about the 'sexist' comments I had been known to make from time to time". Again, I'm from Indiana and have a conservative view on things and that doesn't always mesh well in NYC. Am I a sexist? No. Did I say things that liberal folks in NYC whom during an election year might take out of context? Probably. But at the end of the day I got canned. So I lost a girlfriend and a job back to back.
On top of that, about 3 weeks ago my 67 year old Dad had a complete nervous breakdown and had to be committed to a psych ward in my hometown. This wrecked my Mom and has changed the way her life will probably be moving forward. My Dad is on a slew of meds right now and at one point during his psychotic episode actually told my Mom that he was gay and had always been gay...not sure if this is true or not and I'm also not sure whether or not this CAUSED the nervous breakdown (can you imagine keeping in a secret like that for 30+ years?) but my mom and family members have pretty much hushed it as "that can't be true, obviously". Since he's been in the hospital he hasn't spoken about it but you can't help but wonder.
I've still got a place in NYC (paid my rent for December and January) but no job right now and the money is getting a bit tight. I'm definitely going back out there but I just feel really down about my situation right now. Lost a girl, a job and now am having to help my mom with the issues my dad is having. When I got fired at work all the 'friends' I thought I had at the company basically shunned me. The Ex GF has been ice cold as well. After I got fired I called her up and asked her if I could just talk to her as I needed to speak with someone after this traumatic event went down and she had been the person I was closest to out there for the past 2 years and she basically just told me to leave her alone. Very cold. Couldn't believe it.
I guess I just feel like I was at the top of the mountain, all those years of hard work had paid off and then I lost it. All of it. And I've always been too much in my own head so I've overthought this all to the point of a really hard depression.
So my question to you older guys is this: What have been some times in your life where you felt completely down and out and weren't sure you'd be able to recover but did? How did you do it? How did you summon the inner strength?
