Hey guys, I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and it seems as though her interest level keeps changing, at times its in the 70's/80's and at others, it seems to be 60's. She keeps telling me I'm the one for her but i find myself often initiating contact and feeling as though im not as much of a priority as I used to be to her and she often replies to her friends and ignores my texts (can see this on whatsapp). We also seem to be having quite a few ddiscussions recently about trivial and ridiculous things like jealousy and her not compromising with me as much as she should. How can I boost her interest level to keep it in the high 80's consistentlt? I dunno if it's relevant but she had a bad previous relationship so this might cause issues of trust etc... but idk, any suggestions would be much appreciated!
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
how to boost my girlfriends IL
- Thread starter ukboy1
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Dgwizdal
Master Don Juan
Samspade nailed it. Very simple.ukboy1 said:
Yes this is exactly what you want her to think so she starts to WORK FOR YOUR INTEREST and when you reciprocate that interest: she VALUES IT instead of taking it for granted.
The more you make a woman INVEST in you to earn your affection, the higher value you are to her, and the more INTERESTED she becomes.
Valentino14
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2013
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- 80
- Reaction score
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You can't boost IL when she doesn't have it anymore. Pulling back only does so much then it will lower again when you're spending time with her again. Her IL will decrease and you will be right back to where you started from. When she loses IL its best to start looking for someone new because she is already doing that.
Everyone pretty much nailed it. Don't chase, always invest less than her, work on your attractiveness (fitness, style, charisma, etc.), and talk with other women. All of these are things you should be doing regardless.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Dgwizdal
Master Don Juan
Lol. Self medicating for your own failures with women??asa_don said:
funny how these guys make lame insults when you speak the truth. when sexual attracton is gone, you can't get IL back. that is the truth. average men aren't going to be walking around with 9's. period.Dgwizdal said:
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
goldengoose
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 479
- Reaction score
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Why don't you find a new girlfriend who has real interest that doesn't keep changing? She sounds confused and doesn't know what she really wants. Those are girlfriends you want to AVOID because you are doing more work for nothing because she will leave you when she finally decides she wants out.
So after a long "discussion" last night (basically me listening to her) she told me that she was scared of losing me recently and because she knows she's upset me a lot, she thought if she spoke to me she might upset me again. To be fair, i pulled back for just 1 night and got about 4 messages from her and 2 phone calls. Valentino, i'm one of those people who believes that when something is broken, you fix it, you don't throw it away. And you can deffo raise an IL. and asa_don, where does it say she lost sexual interest?
Dgwizdal
Master Don Juan
I agree with your interest/sexual interest logic. That's 100 level.asa_don said:
In regards to your comment regarding average guy with 9's - define average... A guy that screams average in every facet of his life or a guy of average looks with nothing else considered?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
the_stig
Senior Don Juan
Excellent advice above.
If their interest level drops to the point where they no longer desire to be intimate or sexual with you, you'll be money ahead to invest your time looking for the next girl because this seems to be the point of no return.
I was dumped once and played everything by the book with being generally unavailable and spinning new plates. She came crawling back right quick, but once you start getting back in that familiar routine, their interest level tanks again, and who wants to constantly play silly games or mind tricks to keep a girl around. Once the interest level is compromised, it's just about always the beginning of the end.
If their interest level drops to the point where they no longer desire to be intimate or sexual with you, you'll be money ahead to invest your time looking for the next girl because this seems to be the point of no return.
I was dumped once and played everything by the book with being generally unavailable and spinning new plates. She came crawling back right quick, but once you start getting back in that familiar routine, their interest level tanks again, and who wants to constantly play silly games or mind tricks to keep a girl around. Once the interest level is compromised, it's just about always the beginning of the end.
backseatjuan
Banned
It's ok to raise her IL, etc, keep her interested. But the question you should ask yourself, does she fits and satisfies you?
Does her family alright, because she will be like her mother with time. Does she gives you freedom you want. Does she clean good, does she cook good. All those things, sit down and ask yourself. If something does not fit you, remember, she won't change, and you can't change her, so unless you live with it, or you find another one.
In any case, a 6th month relationship is too young to say anything. After year and a half you should know tho.
Does her family alright, because she will be like her mother with time. Does she gives you freedom you want. Does she clean good, does she cook good. All those things, sit down and ask yourself. If something does not fit you, remember, she won't change, and you can't change her, so unless you live with it, or you find another one.
In any case, a 6th month relationship is too young to say anything. After year and a half you should know tho.
sylvester the cat
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2012
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Mind games and manipulation (aka Black Magic) will work to a degree but as has been mentioned her IL will only fall again. You can spin plates and try and seek high IL from other sources but don't be surprised to find yourself in the same boat. Fluctuating IL that goes from high to low is wont of human nature.
Rather find that eternal and everlasting source of IL that never wanes. When you are in a position where you couldn't care less for the fickle 'love' of another human then you will have found real love and real power.
Rather find that eternal and everlasting source of IL that never wanes. When you are in a position where you couldn't care less for the fickle 'love' of another human then you will have found real love and real power.
Well we had sex 4 times last night and an argument because she was looking through my phone! Any suggestions now? It's a pretty weird case in my eyes, I've dated a fair few girls and had a long term relationshio before but this is really weird behavioir to me!asa_don said:
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.