How to bed and avoid attachment

[bitteorca]

Hey all,

Went on a date with this girl tonight. Went well, got on well, made out with her a couple of times. However, I know she isn't relationship material. Too childish, probably likes male attention a bit too much, etc etc.

However, I do want to bed her. How do I go about this? Usually girls I date, I see them as at least semi-relationship material. I've never been out with a girl who I know instantly probably isn't relationship material, so don't really know how to approach it? She said she'd contact me again and do something again. Do I invite her around to mine or something? Invite her round for a drink?!

And, even though I know she isn't right, I am prone to get attached to girls a bit too much. More the idea of what they provide me, which I am afraid of happening with this girl as well, regardless whether I know from the outset that I shouldn't get involved with her like that. How do I avoid this?

Thanks

 

[JLW]

One thing to consider here:


1. Is the drama worth the sex? If this girl really is as immature as you say, and really not relationship material, then she may cause a huge fuss when you pull the pump 'n dump. Think about whether you want to spend your time with a low quality woman simply for the purpose of a 10 second orgasm.

A good way to avoid this would be to make it fairly clear that you don't want a relationship right now (while that may not necessarily be the case, all that matters is that you dont want a relationship with HER).



As for good ways to avoid attachment:

*avoid contact with her.

*Do not cuddle after sex. You don't have to suddenly turn away from her and go to sleep immediately afterwards (this would be a bit rude) but usually just laying on your back is best.

*Have other options available. This is definitely #1. Be actively seeking out other prospects with the confidence of having a backup.



This is more of an ethical thing, and a lot of the guys on this forum will disagree, but I personally do not like sexing girls that arent GF material unless I make it clear that I am not interested in a relationship with them. This way, everyone knows what the intentions are, and everyone is less likely to get emotionally hurt.

 

[bitteorca]

Yeah I don't usually try to bed girls just for sex sake usually either, that's why I've asked for advice. I don't think she's relationship material because I think she's 'involved' with others. Not like that, but guys texting her etc. She defo likes the attention anyway. Don't think it would be too hard to just 'pump'ndump' either, not sure whether she is expecting relationship either, which would kind of get rid of the drama aspect. She told me tonight that she liked me but didn't know what she wanted (defo not relationship material material) but she's got such a good figure, I feel it's my duty to go for it if possible. She's got a body like cheryl cole man! I met her in a skimp dress as well!

I am keeping my options open. Im actually going out with a girl on Wednesday who is a friend of a friend. Organised that since original post. She seems like relationship material. I'm glad that I did that.

I suppose my dilemma is that how do I show the pump girl that I'm interested without contact etc? Surely I have to show interest to get it? Then I could just bail if I wanted to? When she asked me tonight what I was after, I just said I dont think like that, and I just take things as they come. I think it was a good thing to say, as I didn't sound so crude as to say that i just basically wanted to **** her, which would of turned her off, nor did I say I was after more, which would have probably equally turned her off

 

[Credos]

Just tell her that you aren't ready for a relationship yet. If she doesn't agree you avoided alot of emotional trouble from her side and if she does agree, well then you can go on from there and see how it goes...

Just try: to be honest about it... She'll dig it because:
1) You're hard to get
2) You got the balls to tell her instead of pump and dumping...

 

[runner83]

Hey all,

Went on a date with this girl tonight. Went well, got on well, made out with her a couple of times. However, I know she isn't relationship material. Too childish, probably likes male attention a bit too much, etc etc.

However, I do want to bed her. How do I go about this? Usually girls I date, I see them as at least semi-relationship material. I've never been out with a girl who I know instantly probably isn't relationship material, so don't really know how to approach it? She said she'd contact me again and do something again. Do I invite her around to mine or something? Invite her round for a drink?!

And, even though I know she isn't right, I am prone to get attached to girls a bit too much. More the idea of what they provide me, which I am afraid of happening with this girl as well, regardless whether I know from the outset that I shouldn't get involved with her like that. How do I avoid this?

Thanks

Your problem is caused by focusing on one woman and putting her needs before your own.

It appears you've bought into the feminised bs agenda that says that it is wrong to just be with a girl for sex - and that you have some obligation to consider being in a relationship once you've slept with her.

Put your own sexual needs first, and make sure you are also pursuing other women.

That way, your focus will not be too much on any one girl.

Read this (an excellent post by Rollo Tomassi) for more details

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90482

Also, do not bring up relationship status until she does. Mentioning it first will only make you look like a needy loser (regardless of whether that is true or not).

It should be assumed by both parties that until discussed, both are seeing and banging other people.

 

[bitteorca]

So Credos thinks I should tell her that I'm not after a relationship, and runner83 thinks that I shouldn't bring it up....

I was going to just not bring it up. Although we have kind of discussed it already (no one bought it up, and I kept joking saying 'how are we having such a serious conversation already?!' trying to avoid the situation) I think I said the right thing by saying I don't have any expectation in such situations. It kind of keeps her guessing?

Also, I get the impression with the 'male attention' thing that guys give her a lot of attention. I think she may reciprocate attention, like answer calls etc, maybe even do stuff with them, but not necessarily see them as alpha. As a result, I've come to the conclusion that I should maybe play a bit hard to get, to differentiate myself from the others that are obviously kissing her feet. That and the fact that I don't think she is relationship material and probably wouldn't turn into AFC anyway!

I am going out with another girl next week. Not got much expectations about that either, might even be as friends, but we don't know each other, so it probably is a bit of a date. So I am spinning plates/keeping my options open, I'd do this anyway on account of former girl not being LTR material.

I think she isn't LTR due to her being younger than me, she seems a bit....'dizzy', she seems involved with a number of guys, I haven't asked her - but she seems like she has a...'vivid' past, she doesn't know what she wants, and she seems easy. Having said that, she is smoking hot so I would like to bang her, and due to the above, I don't think she would throw up too much drama if I were to tell her after I was only after something casual. I also get on with her a bit so wouldn't mind putting a bit of effort to get to that point, spend a bit of time with her etc, which I see I have to do to some degree to get to that point. I just don't want to take her out for meals and spend loads of cash-moneyzzz on someone I don't see a future with. But also got the impression she enjoyed that and wasn't used to it

My opinion for the best course of action:

-contact, but sporadic - make her work a bit, differentiate me from the guys who are her lapdogs, but also enough to make her realise I have interest in her.
-Don't bring up relationship status. If asked - 'something casual'.
-If she wants to do something else sometime, then I'm down, but no meals, maybe cheap dates.
-Try to escalate to a date involving sex asap.
-Keep options open naturally due to her not being LTR

What do you think? Sound gooood?!

 

[JLW]

My opinion for the best course of action:

-contact, but sporadic - make her work a bit, differentiate me from the guys who are her lapdogs, but also enough to make her realise I have interest in her.
-Don't bring up relationship status. If asked - 'something casual'.
-If she wants to do something else sometime, then I'm down, but no meals, maybe cheap dates.
-Try to escalate to a date involving sex asap.
-Keep options open naturally due to her not being LTR

What do you think? Sound gooood?!

Sounds good overall.

You have to be the judge of contacting. A good rule is to contact her just a little bit less often than she contacts you. Only exception to this would be setting up a date.

If you are worried about spending too much money on her, you could just split the bill. Most girls I have dated are willing to do this.

Now that you are with a girl you have to give the extra effort to find others in order to avoid oneitis for this one. I have found myself getting oneitis for a girl who I KNEW wasn't good for me simply because I did not have any options at the time. Do not let this happen to you.

 

[KnockoutJM]

If she isn't relationship material it is good you know about it before entering anything. I assume at this point you are talking regularly enough with her to be able to say "hey ____ I'm going out with a few people this night to this place if you want to meet up." Without it being unexpected

My recommendation for "dates" or ways seeing her without it seeming too serious would be the simple meeting somewhere you are going with friends or just floating an invitation to a meet at a bar for drinks or some place similar. This way it doesn't imply you are taking her as a date or you are together in any way, and don't pay for her, it gives the wrong signal. It seems she likes to play around with a bunch of guys which gives me the impression she knows that guys think shes an asset and uses it to her advantage. Plus drinks always make it easier for things to go smoothly.

Joke around with her, push the kino, get her thinking about sex, close the deal on the spot. Once you get it, it won't be difficult to keep her around just for sex, and if the point comes where she questions your relationship status tell her you enjoy what you are doing but do not want to be in a relationship at this point in your life. (for some reason that "point" is always acceptable as an excuse.)

 

[bitteorca]

Thanks for the good advice.

You have to be the judge of contacting. A good rule is to contact her just a little bit less often than she contacts you. Only exception to this would be setting up a date.

Yeah this is the bit that I struggle most with. Face-to-face I usually have no problem. I come across as flirty, test them, ****y, witty, etc etc, I do this naturally, don't really need to make a conscious effort. After all, I got the make-out before the goodbye. Made out with her like 3 times. But I think I struggle to know when to contact them - text, facebook, etc.

But this advice is good - little bit less often than she contacts me, but set up dates (she's the type that expects this). Just need to stick to that.

I think she is involved with others, and I think she is in the process of 'arguing' with her ex (who she will see at a party this weekend). All of it is iffy, and I know that I can't get attached to this girl.

About the fiscal elements of dates! - I actually joked to her about paying for half the meal, and she asked me whether I wanted her to, but I just said nahhh its ok. Also joked about putting a U OWE ME in her purse. Glad I teased her a bit about it, maybe sets up a splitting of the bill if there is a next time.

I'm not sure what will go down now. She said she probably wants to do something again, and when she told me to contact her again, I told her to contact me when she wanted, so she said she would at the weekend. She also sent me a FB message saying thanks for the night...I'll just have to see where it takes me, and bear in mind that if it goes nowhere then its not really a loss, due to her non-LTR status! I hope she just wants to come round to mine one night or something, then I can get it on!