How to become a better judge of character?

[Squiggly Sponge]

The company we keep is such an important aspect of our lives, and sometimes I feel like I have not at all grasped the concept of being able to accurately judge people from the very moment you meet them.

My fear and insecurities have made me settle for "less than stellar" friends. Not the type to drag me down, but AFC's if that's the correct word. I didn't really want to go on the other extreme either. I'd just like to find the kind of people on this site (people with a purpose who are in control of their lives), but in real life I guess.

The problem being that as difficult as it is to find a quality woman, it's just as difficult to find a quality group of friends. A lot of the people I've met are "friends by convenience". How do you go about finding quality friends, and what are some good ways of being able to tell if they are genuine before it's too late?

Thanks

 

[Max Power]

You need to meet people who are "connectors." These people aren't necessarily the coolest people or party animals, but they seem to have a lot of friends or know a lot of people. They could be AFC, they could be Alpha.

If you and your friends are on facebook then it's easy to figure out who the connector is.

Start hanging out more with your connector friend and you'll meet more people and take if from there .

 

[DavenJuan]

well you mention " like people on this forum"... but "people on this forum" also struggle with AFCism from time to time.

being able to judge a persons character from JUST meeting them (women or men) is pretty hard to do IMO.

what i think you need to do is find out what SPECIFICALLY you are looking for in individual friends. what i mean by this, is that i have "certain" friends that i can call up and play golf with, certain friends i go to bars/clubs with, other friends i can tell certain things about me that i cant tell others.

i guess it sounds to me that you are trying to find these type of people and wrap them up in one little cute bow. but thats the beauty of friends. your group of friends arent suppose to produce the exact same traits, beliefs, etc as you all the time.

same with this board. many of us have different views on different things, when it comes to friends you have a common interest, but dont have to always get there the same way.

 

[everywomanshero]

There's actually a ton of research on this subject. Being a good judge of character has several variables, but I think cognitive complexity is one of the most important. Basically, your constructs of people should not be simple.. ie "all woman are sluts or angels", kind of thing. Cognitive complexity can be tested and you can actually test yourself fairly reliably.

The other thing to watch out for is the halo or negative halo effect, assuming because someone appears attractive that they are also nice and so on. For example, I've banged a super hot, blonde goddess looking chick who was loaded and claimed to be becoming a vet, that turned out to be a cokehead, stripper.

As far as applying to guy friends, I have only very few outside of those of utility. Sure there are guys I do business with that I go to games with and such, but male friends tend to have a specific purpose or activity associated with them. To be honest, if my life included lots of time for male friends, Id probably try to stay busier, but to each his own.