How to be respected?

[Punisha]

Hey guys.

Yesterday while talking to a friend of mine I noticed something bad is probably going on with me. I can't seem to get any kind of respect from people that around my age. It's kind of...I dont know. Older and younger people respect me but guys/girls around my age dont.

My classmates, for instance, they didn't insult me or anything (some of them feared me for some reason) but they didn't show any respect either unless I got slightly mad at them.

Why is this? School starts again in one week and I want to change before that but I just cant see where the problem is.

Peace

 

[BlakeW5]

For one, what do you consider respect? Secondly, what do you have going on with yourself that is worthy of that respect?

Your problem might be that you get angry with people to make them respect you. Respect is something you earn, not something your strong-arm out of people. If getting physical/mad is how you try to gain respect you're gonna be in for a long respectless ride. People that do that are "respected" to their face but hated and made fun of when they aren't around.

You've gotta tell us more about yourself if we're to figure out why you don't get respect (or you think you're not getting respect).

 

[daring wraith]

Be sensitive to others feelings, be sociable and act maturely. That should be a good start.

To clarify be that guy everyone secretly hates but has to respect because you never do wrong...... ever.

Blake WS: makes a good point, when he asks what is respect? Question is what do you want? How do you feel people should treat you?

 

[gooberofdeath]

confidence and posative energy while still being "chill" and funny is always respected. the second you get mad at somone thats being disrespectful to them. maybe you should start showing respect to respectful students and you just might get respect in return.

 

[Punisha]

BlakeW5: What do I consider respect? Good point really. Ill try to explain with a simple example. While my classmate and I were talking about my trip I told him that I saw some horses and he just started messing around like (this wont sound very ''good'' in english) Punisha you really like the horse...or maybe you liked the horse's material (he meant his d!ck).
This is what I dont like. This kind of retard stuff. Happens all the time thou.

Now about getting angry. I'm a very peaceful person by nature and never been in a fight for the last 10 years( im 17 now) but sometimes i do turn up the volume when something that i hate is done (like making fun of people in bad situations). I dont do that to get respect but because its sometimes the only way.
I really dont know what more to say about me that could be important but thanks for the point.

daring wraith: I get your point and I try to but I am wrong sometimes. Very rarely but it does happen.

gooberofdeath: I have those traits but sometimes I just dont show them. Is it that bad?

 

[SinJester]

Hey man, I went through a time of wondering that myself too. I got fairly upset for a decent amount of time about it too. Here's what I learnt:

-If you ever want to be respect you have to let go of needing or wanting to be respected. It sounds paradoxical but it is true. If you are looking for respect that means you are looking for other people's approval, which is very respectable. You should just let the whole need and looking for respect thimg drop.
-You know how they say you have to earn respect? You can't buy it, you can't ask for it and you can't demand it. It's not something you can work on getting directly. It's basically a lost cause.
-Being respected isn't based on what you do but who you ARE. If you are a certain way and try to act a different way to get respected it wont work. You have to change yourself. This will take a long time, and perhaps the best way to do this is to keep acting in a different way. It sounds like I contradicted myself again doesn't it. What I mean is act like someone who should get respect but don't expect respect for a long time. Become someone who deserves to be respected.
-Respect is overrated. Someone can respect you but hate your guts. If people fear you they will respect you but not like you and wont want to be around you. There are also many different types of respect, so it's like confidence - it doesn't really exist it's just a perception. I would rather be liked any day.
-When people put you down the best way to get respect isn't to get angry (most of the time), the best way to be is to just let it go. This takes time and you need to work on it. You have to be unreactive, so if someone says something bad about you if it doesn't effect you at all you will get respect. Unfortunately ignoring it and secretly getting worked up doesn't work because people can still tell.
-If you are thinking something don't ever change what you are doing/saying/feeling/thinking because someone is around you. You know how when you are around people cooler then you, you change how you act to try and act cool and fit it? Don't do it. No one wants you to and it is actually losing respect.
-Work on not caring what people think of you. This will get you respect. In order to do this you need to stop looking for respect.

You probably seen the same message a few times. Just give up on trying to get respect. Work on developing yourself instead. Build both physical and inner strength, learn how to take life less seriously and relax, find out how to like yourself and stop caring what other people think and most of all just have fun.

If you have any more questions just ask. It's harder to go deeper for you personally because I have no idea how you act in those situations emotionally/mentally/verbally. The above advice applies to everyone.

Remember I learnt all of this myself from experiance because I've been there.

 

[Interceptor]

Our body language reflects our inner state.
Unless you are dealing with highly psychic, mind reading people, they dont know exactly who you are, and how you feel, and what you're thinking unless they get a sense of it from your body language.
This includes posture, tone of voice, speech patterns, eye contact and even your grooming and manner of dress.

If you think you are below people, you will often reflect that.

When you want your narcissistic ego validated you will go to great lengths to get it validated, and if not, you will then build anger and resentment towards those who dont give it to you.
Respect is different than ego validation.


YOu must look into your mindset. And your attitude about yourself.

If you havent observed yourself be successful in any areas of life, it becomes hard to form a concept of yourself being succesful.
Thus, if you see a LACK of success, and a LACK of a positive self image, many strange self defeating things start to happen to our psyche.

Be aware of your mental state and attitudes.

Respect yourself by not NEEDING to FEEL Respected.

This is very important to understand.

 

[Punisha]

Nice reply SinJester. Very good points but really not helping. Maybe its because I didn't expressed my problem well. Ill try again.

I want people to respect what I say/do. Maybe its because I do what I want even if its against my classmates opinion but lots of times i get sh!tty and totally useless comments about my actions/words.
Not caring about what people think is something im very good at and no I dont change because of other people's opinions but I do change when I feel it makes me better