How to be more well spoken and less rough around the edges.

[harkkam08]

Most of my life I grew up with tough guys around me, who cursed and used slang and what not. So I say curse and just have a like a crude way of communicating at times.

Whenever I try to speak clearly and pronounce my words in a clear and clean manner I feel effeminate.

Like I grew up around lots of African Americans in elementary school and lots of Brooklyn Italians in high school. I grew up in Brooklyn and Queens of New york.

So I tend to speak like "F*ck that sh*t man" or "That was wild sh*t" or "What the F*ck was this bit*ch talking about" or like "Man shes a pain in the ass forget that noise" or "Forget about it, sh*t happens you know"

I feel like if I speak like "Wow she annoyed me so much, thats the last time Im ever talking to her"

I feel less of a man, like it doesnt feel right coming out of mouth. I feel ashamed and cringe even when I speak like that. That valley girl kind of clarity and that urban hipster fluency of words. They literally sound like chatter boxes talking about how delicious their kiwi was. In my head im thinking to myself "Who the f*ck talks about fruit for two minutes" but now that I want to approach women who talk like that Im finding myself out of element.

Now that Im hanging out with the older crown Im 24 now, I notice alot of people are well spoken and dont curse as much and speak using longer well constructed sentences.

I can write well but when it comes to speaking it tends to be rough or too gruff.

I cant seem to speak in a less rough and more intelligent manner even though I can write better than I speak. I have this hang up of being less of a guy by speaking intelligently and clearly.

Like I feel like men shouldnt have to speak much and that if they look at a woman and give her good eye contact and walk over there and say "hi, my name is ...." and just be strong that she should open up and then you say "you looked like a lady i needed to meet so I came here"

Thats what my natural instinct tells me to do

But when I hear guys open girls in the lounges I cant seem to keep up they might say

"Hey isnt the view so beautiful, imagine having this in your bedroom window. Oh hey Im Carl btw...etc"

I would say "Isnt this nice, its something to look at your not gonna forget this, hey my name is XX, whats yours"

I heard a guy say that at a party once. If I said that I would feel like I wasnt being me and when i have tried to talk in that manner It comes out rough and doesn't flow well.

Even my brother who grew up with me in Queens and Brooklyn agrees, people from the city and suburbs talk differently.

Anyway my way of speaking is making me feel insecure and I'd like to know how I could polish my speech a bit more and tackle the issue of feeling like I was talking like a homosexual. No offense to any but I have a fear of being perceived as being gay if I talk like that.



thanks guys

 

[harkkam08]

Anyone?

 

[Hearth]

Firstly, I'd say that you have to stop giving a damn about what other people think (in a sense) with regards to the fear of being perceived as gay.

Now that Im hanging out with the older crown Im 24 now, I notice alot of people are well spoken and dont curse as much and speak using longer well constructed sentences.

Most people are going to respect you more if you stop dropping F-bombs in every sentence and start speaking maturely, which you should be doing by now since you said that you're 24. I'm guessing that perhaps you're confusing how your African American and Italian homeboys in Queens and Brooklyn would react to you speaking properly, and how most normal people would react to it. Are you afraid that your homies would call you gay if you spoke properly around them? If so, then it doesn't sound like they're worth your time anyway. Normal people aren't going to think that you're gay purely based on the fact that you're speaking properly. If you speak with a feminine voice then perhaps they will, but it's probably just your imagination that's telling you that you're speaking effeminately when you speak properly.

You're going to be able to get along with and communicate with a much wider audience if you're speaking properly than if every other word out of your mouth is a curse. Good luck.

 

[maqnetik]

thats not instinct thats brainwashing-- you were trained like a dog to act stupid because other people felt threatened by it. eventually you have to shine or never reach your full potential.

 

[harkkam08]

Thanks guys. I guess its more of an identity crisis thing. Im used to being one type of person an then changing myself would feel incongruent to what I have been thinking about myself for all these years.

I dont hang around with people like that anymore. Most people I hang around are college educated kids. But its just the speaking intelligent part that has me bothered.

I feel gay, and less of a man when Im not dropping the F-bomb and just being clean with my words.

I guess its going to take some time to adjust into thinking of myself as a different person and not needing to be that kind of person anymore.

 

[BobMo']

Avoid watching "Trailer Park Boys."

 

[Ease]

Dont change it, go with it.

Something different like this is almost always favourable. The only time it would really be usefull to tone down is during work/formal occasions.

Dont make your self into a faggot for other peoples approval. You will gain more respect from them by not caring.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

thats not instinct thats brainwashing-- you were trained like a dog to act stupid because other people felt threatened by it. eventually you have to shine or never reach your full potential.

This is what it boils down to.

If someone called you a faggot or implied you to be effeminate when you speak intelligently, what they are really saying is "Hows come youse don't talk stupid like me? You think you're smarter than me!?"

As if how you speak has anything to do with his dumb a$$.

The path of the righteous is beset by the inequities of evil (stupid) men.

 

[SoldMySoul]

There is a time a place for everything my mom used to say. If you were trying to sound like a bada$$, you would come across goofy as hell talking all proper when you were trying to get your point across. It really depends on your intended audience. If you were trying to close on something very important and business like you would not want to sound like a macho not proper speaking individual.

Reading and listening to proper speaking people will increase your persona of being well read and intelligent. Of course this would not mean too much to someone trying to kick your arse! I like the thought of being versatile being able to do both if need be.