How to be more decisive?

[Tomo]

I think it comes from my personality and who I am. I am too carefree, wishy washy and laid back. I lack that aggression and decisiveness you see in people who are more competitive and driven. Anyone know how I can work on this? I know it is a mindset thing but I continue to struggle to warp my change.

Take the other night post concert, I bumped into a HB as I was heading home yet I ended up being roped into dinner. She paid (I always pay the first and tell a chick she can pay the next so it makes for an easy next date). Thing is and particularly I've noticed with this HB is that I am very indecisive. She asks what we should eat, I say I'm not fussed. She teases me about it. I forget where I parked, she takes the piss out of me. Yet it was her that wanted to catch up. Bear in mind I did not escalate either as we are purely friends (I've got other girls with romantic interests in).

Playing sports, again this appears. I lack that aggression you see between guys when playing sports. It's just that 1% I guess that shows you're committed and you're ready to take someone on.

The funny thing is the summation of the above then spills into my other life as I have to push my self that much harder to put effort into studying etc.

Anyone with tips on changing ones mindset?

 

[FairShake]

Stop caring what people think about you.

That includes whether they think you are decisive or not by the way. Of all the things to tease you about this isn't a bad one.

If you have a laid back approach to life than own it.

The only caveat is that you have to figure that you do it because you enjoy group harmony and want everyone to have a good time. Not because you want people to like you. The difference is subtle sometimes.

Personally I don't think being pliable is a bad thing as long as you don't let people get over on you. Know your limits and hold them.

 

[BeDJ]

She paid (I always pay the first and tell a chick she can pay the next so it makes for an easy next date).

Never do this, you are not guaranteed the next date.

Decisiveness is something you develop over time. You can not simply become "decisive," especially in a group of new people you have met. In a new social group, you always want to be that fun guy who introduces ideas. New ideas. If you are able to portray a sense of FUN, every single member in that group will easily follow what you have to say. I'm very sure that people will advise you on a variation of AMOG, but it does not work in moving the new social circle to follow as planned. Do not try to get the AMOG status, a much more efficient strategy is to get everyone to like you and propose that fun idea you had in mind. Don't think of it as decisiveness, more along the lines of - How can I make these people want to participate in what I want to do.

Stop caring what people think about you.

Absolutely not.

The easiest way for people to follow through for your own benefit is for them to like you. It is a genuine effort, you can't simply fake that interest for the other person. The most effective way is to not be interesting, but be interested. There is a HUGE discrepancy on being successful in your attempts and being that guy. Always be fun, social and positive. It will ALWAYS set you up for making people do what you want to do, subtly - of course.

 

[Tomo]

Cheers guys. Yeah I come off as that likable larrikin so which ever circle I end up in, I do pretty well. It's more that I want to be something more - having those aspirations to achieve big goals I want to tick off.

I can see where your coming from FS but I want to be more than that. I want to actually achieve goals rather than be a keyboard warrior continually saying how I am on a path of 'constant self improvement'. The dates where I've absolutely killed it or taken a girl home are the ones where I've taken the lead and been decisive. I think there is a time and place where I can let the laid back'nes out and knowing when to draw the line of stepping up to the plate. This is where I lack the ability to get going.

BeDJ, how do you do dates then bud? I normally screen a female i.e. get to know them with a coffee etc first before a proper date when I then pay. I find the monetary part of things always hard to decipher. Will look up AMOG but I agree that being liked in any setting is a major advantage.

 

[BeDJ]

BeDJ, how do you do dates then bud? I normally screen a female i.e. get to know them with a coffee etc first before a proper date when I then pay. I find the monetary part of things always hard to decipher. Will look up AMOG but I agree that being liked in any setting is a major advantage.

First date happy hour. Do not be an AMOG'ing faggot, please don't even try. Get it out of your vocabulary,

 

[Luscious]

It sounds like you at least understand what the issue is here, and you're able to describe it clearly, which means that you know what needs to be done to fix it: just do it.

What I mean is tuning out your first instinct, that wishy-washiness, and taking a split second to consider what you actually want to do. You want to be ****y and joke on her a bit? Don't hesitate, just decide to do it, and take the plunge. Embrace the risk! You gotta feel alive, man.