How to be hard to get naturally

[PathGoer]

This site (of which I am a loyal reader) keeps mentioning: do NOT be too available and needy.

This is how NOT to achieve it:
-- do not ask a girl out, do not call her back, play "cool", surf internet for pictures the whole night instead.

How to ACHIEVE it:
Overbook your social calender. I can go out 2-3 times a week, so I plan 3 things every week. When somebody cancels on me, I feel relieved. If it's a boring buddy's drinking party, go for it, bring them some joy of your company; if it's a concert you always wanted to hear, do it. Make sure you are overbooked.
Still have more time than you know how to deal with? Watching Bachelorette, daydreaming about boobs and blond hair?
Go to gym, go grocery shopping and cook yourself a healthy meal, take an extra (fun!) class in college. Do what your heart desires NOW, as long as you are single and have time for all your dreams! Put yourself under time pressure -- and you will be glad if an 8-woman has relatives in town and it's their responsibility to entertain her this time.

There is a huge difference of you playing cool (it's fake!) and your time being valuable, taken, busy with things of high priority (that's genuine, makes sense and improves your life)

And I am not a jerk: I do not cancel myself unless I am sick or something real happens. I do not have backup girls / backup obligations for the same day. I think it's wrong.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

In a nutshell, avoid one-itis. Have interests other than just one woman. That could be seeing several different women, hanging out with buds, other hobbies, whatever to keep yourself busy.

Not being readily accessible is the best way to play hard to get without even trying.

 

[xblitz44x]

The more you have to TRY to not be needy, the more you look needy. It's not the "being available" itself that kills you, it's the sappyness that it conveys. But if you're putting JUST as much effort into appearing busy, that same weakness is leaking through.

To have true strength is to be able to do what you want, because you want to. If you want to see her 3 days in a row, fucck it, do it. If you want to buy her flowers, buy her some flowers. But make sure it's because YOU want to and not because you think it's what SHE wants.

I am seeing a girl tonight for the 4th night in a row. You think I'm going to let an online "bible" made up of internet dudes dictate when and how often I'm going to see a girl I like?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by xblitz44x

I am seeing a girl tonight for the 4th night in a row. You think I'm going to let an online "bible" made up of internet dudes dictate when and how often I'm going to see a girl I like?

This thread was meant for guys who want to play hard to get. I don't think PG meant it as commandment to anyone. What makes you think it was directed at you anyway?

 

[xblitz44x]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I don't think PG meant it as commandment to anyone.

Well when he said How to ACHIEVE it: it sounded pretty concrete to me. But maybe not.

I never thought it was directed towards me. I am stating that it's fine to see a girl 4 nights in a row if he wants to, and that it's not the frequency that you're seeing them that tips the interest scale.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Of couse if you are doing something that's working for you why would you change it? If you want to see your girl several nights in a row and she's willing too, that's great. The post was for guys that want to play hard to get for whatever reason.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
The more you have to TRY to not be needy, the more you look needy. It's not the "being available" itself that kills you, it's the sappyness that it conveys. But if you're putting JUST as much effort into appearing busy, that same weakness is leaking through.

that reminds me the times in the past when i would go out and do something and call up a friend and he'd make excuses. It's obvious, the way they respond you can tell theyre lying. i think we've all been there...

 

[thejuice]

I noticed that youre placing much emphasis on "trying" to be hard to reach. Dont.
It wouldnt make you happy; you need to learn how not be dependent on the company of others. Sure, company is great, i enjoy it myself, but if they werent there, you wouldnt be an emotional mess either.
If you want to go out with somebody, go out. If you dont, dont. The moral here is to learn to change your behavior so that you dont have to pretend not wanting to be there.

juice

 

[PathGoer]

not a commandment, experience

This was NOT a commandment, this is how it works for me.

BECAUSE I overbook my calendar and BECAUSE I have plenty of other things to do, it happens NATURALLY that I do not fix my attention on any particular girl and that they have just a little less of my time than they rather would.

To the person who sees his girlfriend 4 days in a row: I think when you get married, you better start seeing her 7 days a week. You are in a relationship, and that's different. Otherwise I agree with you

 

[Ladiesssman]

Playing hard to get makes it good that you are in control.
On the other hand if you desire so much and she wants you even more, why delay.

Don't you want to fyck the **** out of that hot babe??? Why waste time. If you're not planning to marry her ( know most guys here don' ), playing hard to get is just a waste of time. Get the most juice out of your precious time.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

I think Pathgoer makes a really good point.

Not only does his "overbooking" keep his mind focused on other things instead of one-itis... but it also makes him a more interesting person. He has not only a full social calendar but an engaging one. Women will be interested in him, not because he's unavailable but because he is interesting.

 

[thefonz]

I think alot of these "commandments" we're talking about are set out for the RAFC who is still looking to find his knack in the dating world.....it's directed at the guy just climbing out of a black hole looking for some direction to go in......pathgoer is obviously not one of these people and SHOULD feel free to contort and sculpt his gaming skills however he sees fit because it's his world.

 

[englishman]

Originally posted by PathGoer
This site (of which I am a loyal reader) keeps mentioning: do NOT be too available and needy.

There is a huge difference of you playing cool (it's fake!) and your time being valuable, taken, busy with things of high priority (that's genuine, makes sense and improves your life)

.

So what your saying is dont play (act/fake) being hard to get..actually BE hard to get!
Makes sense to me.. ;-)

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

The two most interesting guys I've dated (that is, the two who could hold my attention the longest) were not the coolest or the hottest or the ones with the most "game"... they were not the ones who waited to call me the longest or the ones who were always busy...

They were the ones who could hold a conversation; the ones who knew things; the ones who were educated (not that they had "degrees" but that they were knowledgable); the ones who had traveled; the ones who had skills (not "skills" but actual SKILLS, like talents); the ones who had interesting hobbies; the ones who liked to do a lot of things; the ones who were fun.

You don't want to play hard to get by sitting around doing nothing wasting your time (ahem) online. Because you might *seem* like you've got a lot going on until you get that first date/conversation... and then it becomes clear that your only interests are picking up chicks. You want to be hard to get because you're busy DOING things, experiencing things, learning things, LIVING LIFE. The point is not just that you'll be unavailable, but that you'll be desirable.