How to be comfortable with a new girl?

[TheTraveller]

To build on a previous thread, I have no issues with getting with girls that are interested in me. It's just when we want to advance things in the bedroom that I need a certain comfort level that probably involves me being more comfortable with myself and my abilities. When in committed relationships I have no issues with performance in the bedroom or my body, and girls are all for it.

Any recommendations on how to gain more rapport with a new girl prior to advancing on the intimacy?

 

[sd.boi69]

just trust your gut.. stop seeking approval, i guess thats the answer for everything.. spontaneity. just a piece of advise from me..

 

[TheTraveller]

I've got a fix for this original post I made. This is not a cure but it's a stopgap measure.

One word... Cialis.

 

[Colossus]

Ha, whatever works man.

The comfort thing takes time. 1st dates are always awkward, 1st kisses can be awkward, and first lays can be awkward. But----if you are more relaxed and comfortable with yourself, it mitigates that. Then after the ice-breaker you're golden.

 

[Powerlifter]

From my experiences all new is awkward but once the shaft is in it all cums together nicely.

Powerlifter

 

[Powerlifter]

ddd

 

[SharinganUser]

PowerLifter, can you rewrite that in English?

 

[Powerlifter]

ddd

 

[SharinganUser]

Are you telling me you don't understand stiff fingers that rub women thighs?

What would you like me to explaiin to you?

In laymans terms don't be a chicken butt with women especially if you know your dealing with an experienced one and that doesn't take a DJ to figure out.

That is the interpretation of my english discern the kind of woman your with but be good to her not nice.

Powerlifter

Is English your first language? You can't seem to be able to formulate a coherent sentence.

 

[Powerlifter]

ddd

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Traveller,
One of the great advantages of On-Line Dating is that a Ladies profile,will give you some idea of her background,interests and passions.The Movies she likes,her music,perhaps her food tastes...So when you meet you will have done a little Homework,and researched areas close to her heart...With Women you only need to keep the conversation rolling with open ended questions,usually the problem becomes shutting them up...Of course many Ladies today have no interests except shopping and talking about their kids....As being able to relate to someone intellectually means a lot,these ladies seldom get to first base....Asuming that you have met someone cold,say at a Dance,or a Party,in a grocery Store.It is not so easy to keep things rolling,here you are dependant on having listened to a lot of music,read a lot of books or seen a lot of movies,been to many Countries...Remember though Traveller a lonely Lady,and they are the best sort,loves to talk,and once she has a receptive audience it's rather like water going over Niagara Falls...Unstoppable...once they get going,they can talk under two feet of wet concrete.

 

[Colossus]

.Remember though Traveller a lonely Lady,and they are the best sort,loves to talk,and once she has a receptive audience it's rather like water going over Niagara Falls...Unstoppable...once they get going,they can talk under two feet of wet concrete.

Haha!! :crackup:

Yeah it's true. I find that asking them more open-ended stuff like "what kind of ____ do you like?", or "do you think that blahblahblah is better?" is better than interview-style questioning. Most women LOVE to talk about what they like, the details of their job, food, etc. Just give them an opening and soon you'll find yourself daydreaming while they go on. You dont even have to really listen if you dont want to, just look at them and nod thoughtfully.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Collossus,
"Just give them an opening and soon you'll find yourself daydreaming while they go on. You dont even have to really listen if you dont want to, just look at them and nod thoughtfully." Precisely,only thing you missed Collossus.......Once they get their engine rolling,they will become animated,just imitate their gestures and body language,it is really amazing how close you can go to mockery without their seeming worried at all.....At this stage if you fancy them,then start touching while never losing eye contact......Initial seating arrangements are most important,if at a table then you sit at the end,never good policy to sit opposite,how can you get touchy feely?If sitting in the lounge,always sit next to them but adopt a sideways posture...never use separate lounge chairs.....The move to intimacy is just so clumsy and obvious.

 

[TheTraveller]

Well this has gone in a slightly different direction that I had thought but thanks for the replies.

I get all the convo and mirroring stuff. It's when things escalate to the bedroom. My cialis experiment showed that it's definitely psychological, as it was not nearly as effective with the girl.

So, it's back to a psychologist for me. I don't see what else will help. It's not a function of the level of attraction as this would happen w any girl. She's a give 'er and obviously gets upset about this but clearly isn't going anywhere else at this point. It's just how much patience does one have? Avoiding girls would really be a bad situation.

 

[TheTraveller]

enough with the self-pity here. I decided to take a 'chance' and start seeing two girls at once. Well let me tell you, the feeling after tonight makes me totally not care about either of the girls from an anxiety/overthinking perspective. Sure, I might not be totally over whatever it is I need to deal with but I will tell you all this: dating two girls that dig you big time is freaking amazing.

Guys, spin plates.

 

[Retro1]

Be interested to know how you get on Traveller. Recently come out of a LTR and initial intimacy with new partner may be an issue for me too - not sure. Had probs with a new woman the other day but as she was a lot older than me I'm putting the age thing down to the passion killer. She came on to me.

 

[TheTraveller]

Retro1, the way I now see it is pretty simple - it's a numbers game. Sometimes you pick the right one, sometimes you don't.

In my case, it seems like I have a baseline for determining if I find a girl physically attractive, but that's not all there is to the equation for me. What I'm finding is that if the girl is unintelligent or I otherwise can't see myself enjoying her personality outside of the bedroom, I really can't get turned on easily. It essentially almost turns me off.

It's like I need the complete package otherwise it just won't happen - or happen poorly and slowly build up over time. But this never amounts to anything but an eventual failed relationship. It could also be that initially the girl is just not good in bed and it does not turn me on.

Sometimes I wish that I could just tap it and that's it but for me it's not that simple. Don't get me wrong, physical beauty is really important, but I need to feel a mental connection as well as a physical one prior to success in the bedroom.

Anyone else in the same boat?

 

[Retro1]

If it's not happening in the bedroom Traveller how do you leave it with the girl? The other day I just said I not ready, give me some time (LTR finished a few months ago), but I think it was her age which did it for me and kissing her turned me off.. I should have left it there but she got naked pretty damn fast!

 

[TheTraveller]

Apart from doing other things to make her happy, I'll brush it off and tell her I need some time before I'm fully into it. The girl will usually understand or take it personally. But it doesn't matter what they think because you have options right?

Find a girl that turns you on.