How to be attractive to women

[Atom Smasher]

1) Learn to convey social ease.

2) Convey that you are in control of your environment and time itself.

3) Pay tribute to Atom Smasher for finally solving all your girl problems.


How:

1) Keep on small-talking with strangers (men and women alike). Be concerned about their welfare when you speak with them. Be conscious of making every interaction fun. REQUIRE fun in your interactions. Think about that.

2) Take up space. When you sit down, spread out and put your keys down at arm's length and not closer. You are pissing on your territory like an alpha when you do that. VERY attractive. Slow down in all your moves and in your conversation. Don't be overly emotive. Don't move your head a lot when you talk. You are in control of time itself. The word to keep in mind is "Deliberate". Everything you do is deliberate.

Social ease. That, sir, is the key to conveying confidence. In fact, women don't realize it but when they say "I am attracted to confidence", they are saying precisely, "I am attracted to a man who is at ease socially because he puts me at ease and makes me feel safe".

Good body language helps you to develop an endless feedback loop. It supports social ease, which in turn supports good body language, and on and on it goes until you are almost as highly developed as Atom Smasher in your interactions.

Takeaways:

Develop social ease, which is confidence itself.

Burn these two words into your brain:

Fun

Deliberate

I will now entertain your outpouring of gratitude for solving your dating issues once and for all. Don't grovel, as that would make me feel uncomfortable. Just pay a polite tribute and go your way, putting my field-tested findings into practice.

 

[D.J. King Allister]

You sir, are worthy of royalty. Thanks for the advice. I will very much put it in to practice.

 

[JohnChops]

reading this because I was taking a break from psyc reading . I have some free time in about an hour , time to try this out . The point about caring about the other persons welfare is important because if your speaking to someone and you dont care subconsciously youll give signs that you dont give a sh1t about what the yare saying and theyll know. That goes hand in hand with being a good listener.

Small talk is my favorite .

-JohnChops

 

[Kbomb]

also, big penis is a must! =0)

 

[SoSuaveDude]

In before special height requirement

 

[backseatjuan]

My natural wing man does that. The way he explained number one to me was to always make people around me enjoy my company.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have racked my brain over the past few years trying to figure out, "What exactly is confidence?"

The concept has never been properly defined in my opinion. We're always admonished to "be confident" but the definition of confidence has been sorely lacking. Understanding the concept of confidence in its purest form is very elusive to most men, even those who have confidence. Grasping the concept in a quantitative, non-abstract sense has been like trying to grasp the wind. I finally came to the conclusion that confidence (as relates to women) is nothing more than social ease.

I think of myself as the lubricant in the social machine. Since women get all their social cues from external sources, if I make for an interesting, fun, yet challenging experience, she will get hooked on me very rapidly.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Your check is in the mail. Might take a while to get to the 7th dimension...

 

[DonJuanabe]

Ten or twelve years ago I was at my cousin's wedding. His brother, who was in his mid-20s, was the Best Man. During Best Man's speech (to a couple hundred people) I overheard a middle aged woman next to me who was talking to her friend say something along the lines of "Oh, he is owning this place. Now that's a man." My cousin was confidence incarnate, spoke slowly, strongly, and with ease. Made eye contact with groups of people. Being tall and good looking probably didn't hurt.

 

[btownbuck2012]

1) Learn to convey social ease.

2) Convey that you are in control of your environment and time itself.

3) Pay tribute to Atom Smasher for finally solving all your girl problems.


How:

1) Keep on small-talking with strangers (men and women alike). Be concerned about their welfare when you speak with them. Be conscious of making every interaction fun. REQUIRE fun in your interactions. Think about that.

2) Take up space. When you sit down, spread out and put your keys down at arm's length and not closer. You are pissing on your territory like an alpha when you do that. VERY attractive. Slow down in all your moves and in your conversation. Don't be overly emotive. Don't move your head a lot when you talk. You are in control of time itself. The word to keep in mind is "Deliberate". Everything you do is deliberate.

Social ease. That, sir, is the key to conveying confidence. In fact, women don't realize it but when they say "I am attracted to confidence", they are saying precisely, "I am attracted to a man who is at ease socially because he puts me at ease and makes me feel safe".

Good body language helps you to develop an endless feedback loop. It supports social ease, which in turn supports good body language, and on and on it goes until you are almost as highly developed as Atom Smasher in your interactions.

Takeaways:

Develop social ease, which is confidence itself.

Burn these two words into your brain:

Fun

Deliberate

I will now entertain your outpouring of gratitude for solving your dating issues once and for all. Don't grovel, as that would make me feel uncomfortable. Just pay a polite tribute and go your way, putting my field-tested findings into practice.

I think a-lot of guys worry about how to actually get started. "what should I say? How should I approach?" Not just with women but people in general.

The key, to becoming more socially at ease, is to just get out there and do it. It's like playing golf. Just get out there and play. You're gonna get better just by the sheer fact that you're out there playing. Just get out and ATTEMPT to socialize. Don't worry about people who tell you that you're doing it wrong, because at the end of the day you're gonna have to learn for yourself and get comfortable around and talking with other people yourself.

But again, the key is just to get out there and DO IT. You're gonna **** up sometimes and some people are gonna look at you like you're a weirdo, but that's all part of the process.

Just get out and talk to people because like Atom Smasher said, being completely at ease and comfortable being around and socializing with others is very attractive to the opposite sex no matter what you look like.

 

[The Gambler]

God damn. This is good stuff.

The Gambler

 

[perseverance]

I tip my hat to you. *Tips hat*

Steller advice this, absolutely sterling!

 

[zekko]

Social ease. That, sir, is the key to conveying confidence. In fact, women don't realize it but when they say "I am attracted to confidence", they are saying precisely, "I am attracted to a man who is at ease socially because he puts me at ease and makes me feel safe".

I've said this before, but I like your definition of confidence. And I say this as someone who, like yourself, has puzzled over the meaning of "confidence" for literally decades.

When you say social ease, I don't think that means that you have to be a big social guy with a zillion friends. Although when you are interacting with others, you should be calibrated. But at the least, it's important that you are at social ease with her. Comfortable with her presence. Comfortable with your own presence (some might say comfortable in your own skin). Not nervous and awkward.

As BtownBuck2012 says, you accomplish this by getting out and doing it. Practice and learn your social skills, and how to be at ease with people. This is what I think is important, I'm not a big fan of all the "gaming" techniques, I just do what I want. Although I do confess I use that "take up space" body language. Partly because it's comfortable.

 

[Brighty]

Great post. Glad to see topics like these are still being made here.

 

[ArcBound]

Good post Atom Smasher, I figured this out years ago. Now when I look at people who are twitching their legs nervously I see how silly it looks. You really can tell from body movements whether a person is comfortable, nervous, or whether he owns the place.

 

[Stagger Lee]

The way I see confidence is, that it must be signaled and perceived by the female. It doesnt matter if you are objectively confident or not as long as you appear confident. You could be confident and not convey it or not confident and convey confidence.

Rather than strutting around with a puffed out chest and spreading out your limbs etc, I believe confidence is mostly subtle non-verbal visually clues of you face and body (smiling, expressiveness, lack of appearing tense).

Either you are naturally confident or you are not. If not then it requires good acting. People only know and believe what they see. Confidence is really just good non-verbals. If you don't naturally have that, it can be hard to accomplish. Conveying good non-verbals can maximise the potential of your fundamental looks. Conversely, bad non-verbals can certainly minimize your potential.

 

[zekko]

The way I see confidence is, that it must be signaled and perceived by the female. It doesnt matter if you are objectively confident or not as long as you appear confident. You could be confident and not convey it or not confident and convey confidence.

Right, I agree with that. Some gurus talk about women having some sort of supernatural instinct that can sniff out any trace of lack of confidence in a guy, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I don't think that's true because when I was in my 20s, I was never really confident, but even back in the stone age you always heard women liked confidence. So I faked it. I've always been able to hide my feelings pretty well, so I've been told, and apparently I faked it pretty well.

Rather than strutting around with a puffed out chest and spreading out your limbs etc, I believe confidence is mostly subtle non-verbal visually clues of you face and body (smiling, expressiveness, lack of appearing tense).

I agree with this also, especially the lack of tension thing. If you really know you are capable of something, you will feel very relaxed, just like you were taking something off a shelf.

I do think there is another component of confidence that "social ease" might not quite cover, however. It has to do with the "protection" component of attraction. One reason women tend to like big guys is because they rely on them for protection. If a guy has a certain intimidating air about him that says "Yeah, I know I can kick your @ss", you might call that confidence, and it plays into women's need and desire for protection.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The way I see confidence is, that it must be signaled and perceived by the female. It doesnt matter if you are objectively confident or not as long as you appear confident. You could be confident and not convey it or not confident and convey confidence.

Rather than strutting around with a puffed out chest and spreading out your limbs etc, I believe confidence is mostly subtle non-verbal visually clues of you face and body (smiling, expressiveness, lack of appearing tense).

Either you are naturally confident or you are not. If not then it requires good acting. People only know and believe what they see. Confidence is really just good non-verbals. If you don't naturally have that, it can be hard to accomplish. Conveying good non-verbals can maximise the potential of your fundamental looks. Conversely, bad non-verbals can certainly minimize your potential.

Disagree. Artificial confidence cannot be sustained. The only way to appear confident is to speak with fluidity and self-assurance. A man's confidence is highly verbal in the way it is conveyed.

Social ease (my definition of confidence) certainly entails the qualities you parenthetically mentioned. But the non-verbals are eclipsed byt the verbals. Women are turned on by words and they apply great weight to them. Or perhaps I should say the style of delivery of those words.

Things that I mentioned, such as not nodding when talking and taking up lots of territory, of projecting that you are in control of both time and space convey relaxed social ease and they set the stage for the verbal, which is the lubricant of the interaction.

It's good to fake it till you make it, but nothing takes the place of developing genuine social skills with daily conversational practice.

Regarding Zekko's observations on protection, there is something to that, but I guess I would call it an expression of attitude, which is mostly conveyed through the eyes. When I'm with a woman men can always see that messing with her is not an option. My eyes definitely communicate that.

 

[BeDJ]

This not only apply to women, but all aspects of your life. Friends, family, co-workers...everyone. It will improve the quality of your life and further your career.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Disagree. Artificial confidence cannot be sustained. The only way to appear confident is to speak with fluidity and self-assurance. A man's confidence is highly verbal in the way it is conveyed.

Social ease (my definition of confidence) certainly entails the qualities you parenthetically mentioned. But the non-verbals are eclipsed byt the verbals. Women are turned on by words and they apply great weight to them. Or perhaps I should say the style of delivery of those words.

Things that I mentioned, such as not nodding when talking and taking up lots of territory, of projecting that you are in control of both time and space convey relaxed social ease and they set the stage for the verbal, which is the lubricant of the interaction.

It's good to fake it till you make it, but nothing takes the place of developing genuine social skills with daily conversational practice.

Regarding Zekko's observations on protection, there is something to that, but I guess I would call it an expression of attitude, which is mostly conveyed through the eyes. When I'm with a woman men can always see that messing with her is not an option. My eyes definitely communicate that.

I disagree that word content has any meaning outside of the context of your non-verbals (I'm leaving physical looks out of this because that's a separate issue). It's not what you say within reason but how you say it and how you sound saying it. A good actor can convincingly portray "James Bond" or a prototypical loser regardless of the script or words by alterating his body language and non-verbals. Is he really mentally as confident or unconfident as the character he is convincingly portraying? It doesn't matter. What matters is that it was convincingly conveyed.

When research says that communication is 80 or 90 percent non-verbal there is something to that.
People especially women don't believe or care what you say, they care more about the non-verbal visual cues they see.

Confidence by my definition is merely the lack of unconfident body language and facial expressions, tension and nervousness. That's not to say words and your script aren't important but they are not much of a factor outside of the non-verbal visual cues. Confidence without good non-verbals is label as creepy by females.

Right, I agree with that. Some gurus talk about women having some sort of supernatural instinct that can sniff out any trace of lack of confidence in a guy, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I don't think that's true because when I was in my 20s, I was never really confident, but even back in the stone age you always heard women liked confidence. So I faked it. I've always been able to hide my feelings pretty well, so I've been told, and apparently I faked it pretty well.

Yes good point. Lots of people especially as teenagers and early 20's aren't really confident, yet they are able to attract the opposite sex and have plenty of sexual experiences. On the flipside, a lot of guys in their teens and early 20's pumped with testosterone and a hard on are confident by any measure but never have success because I'd argue that their non-verbals aren't very good.

I agree with this also, especially the lack of tension thing. If you really know you are capable of something, you will feel very relaxed, just like you were taking something off a shelf.

Yes if you go into a situation you never been in before that couldpose physical or emotional danger you might feel unconfident and your body and face may convey the tension. And of course if you were doing something that you have successful done many times before the tension would not be there. My main point isn't that you should fake confidence, only that women are not mind readers and can only percieve what they mostly see and to a lesser extent hear.

I do think there is another component of confidence that "social ease" might not quite cover, however. It has to do with the "protection" component of attraction. One reason women tend to like big guys is because they rely on them for protection. If a guy has a certain intimidating air about him that says "Yeah, I know I can kick your @ss", you might call that confidence, and it plays into women's need and desire for protection.

I think this actually is a great example of what I'm talking that confidence needn't be an objective mental state or quality per se. While it's easy to be more confident feeling and therefore confident projecting if you're big and strong and don't feel much physical threat from other guys, a lot of big guys that act intimidating are internally insecure. But the women interpret his size and intimidating look as confidence. She feels confident because she has physical strength on her side. This ties into mirroring. People feel what they see and perceive from someone else. They feel sadness and depression looking at a sad face, just as they feel confidence or lack of tension looking at a confident appearing face. Words aren't even needed.