how to be agressive

[yngad]

any have any tips on how to be agressive in different situations like work ... hanging out w/ friends ... w/ a girl ....

 

[Jay Jay]

Seems that a lot of people about think aggressive is the way to go.

I don't agree.

ASSERTIVE is what you are looking for.

When you are assertive you are in control and fearless.

Aggression is spawn from fear and powerlessness.

The best way to be assertive is to be confident in yourself and believe you deserve what you want, then it comes naturally.

 

[yngad]

what are some acts you can do to show you are assertive or agressive ... need some ideas

 

[Freddy1]

Here Dude read my old post:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=110500

 

[Jay Jay]

Don't know about aggression.

Assertive is pretty easy. Keep your cool. Have relaxed confident body language and steady eye contact. If you want to say something say it in a decisive voice. If you want to do something DO IT.

Examples of ho I see Assertive, Aggressive and Weak.

Mechanic tries to scam you.

Weak: Ah... okay... how much extra will it be.
Aggressive: **** you arsehole, I'll sue your arse.
Assertive: With all due respect that was not the agreement we came to. I need my oil changed not a new gearbox. I will be paying the agreed price. If you wish to take it any further I will see you in court.

Example 2:

You've got a girls number and now trying to get her out. She's trying to flake.

Weak: Give in easily and lets her go.
Aggressive:Stalks her like a freak.
Assertive: Perserves with a confident smile.

Tho the most important point is that its how you doing things. Thats why working on your inner game is paramount. If you have your **** together Assertive will come easily.

JJ

 

[oakraiderz2]

I disagree with you guys saying that being aggressive is bad. On a few occasions ive had girls tell me i need to be more aggressive. Being aggressive doesnt equate to stalking a girl, not by any means. In this context i suppose aggressive and assertive are slightly interchangable.

 

[Jariel]

What I think you need overall is to get in touch with your masculinity. Forget the acts and pretences, the best way to do this is to boost your testosterone.

Work out, eat well, sleep well, don't drink or smoke, and you are on your way to being a much bolder, more assertive, more dominant male, the natural way.

Tried and tested by myself and many other guys in this forum.

 

[Freddy1]

I disagree with you guys saying that being aggressive is bad. On a few occasions ive had girls tell me i need to be more aggressive. Being aggressive doesnt equate to stalking a girl, not by any means. In this context i suppose aggressive and assertive are slightly interchangable.

What others are trying to say is that "agressive" is different than being "assertive". They are not really the same but are easily confused.

Being agressive may make you look like an a-hole.
Being assertive tells them you know what you want, what your rights are and you wont settle for anything less.
Being pasive means you take whatever someneone throws at you without a complaint.

 

[Freddy1]

http://www.management-issues.com/display_page.asp?section=opinion&id=2697

Are you assertive - or aggressive?

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24 Oct 2005
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Too often, people who think they're acting assertively are really acting aggressively. The mistake is often accidental. In reality, such people are simply trying to get their needs met, but a huge gap differentiates the two behaviors and a mix-up can bring unintended consequences.

The Oxford English Dictionary tells us that the word assertiveness derives from the verb "to assert," which, according to those Oxford folks, means "to state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority." They go on to say that if you assert yourself, you "behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance, or power, and earns you respect from others."

Let's differentiate that from aggressiveness, which means "characterized by aggression: inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion."

A huge difference can exist between claiming a right and being actively hostile. Which approach brings better results? Your answer may depend on your personality, but those who would like to be seen as aggressive might benefit from learning that Machiavellian management styles are much less effective in the long term.

Essentially, think of assertiveness as being firm, but polite. It's a mindset that says "I want to win, but I'm not going to walk over you to do it - I'm going to respect what you want and work to help you win also."

Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is firm but impolite. The aggressive person says "I'm going to win, and I don't care if you get what you want." Milder forms are more ambivalent: "I don't care whether or not you get your needs met." Full-court press aggressiveness wants the other person to lose no matter what.

By the way, non-assertiveness is polite (considerate of other people's perspectives), but not firm - that is, unwilling to stand up for one's own needs. Non-assertive people need to understand the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness so that when they do step forward to get their needs met they don't go overboard and step on everyone else.

Usually it's here where the formerly uninitiated says, "Oh, I get it now!" If that's you, congratulations and welcome to the club. To further your understanding, here are a few more differentiators to help you choose assertiveness over aggressiveness:

Aggressive conduct: Glares or stares at others
Assertive conduct: Makes friendly, considerate eye contact

Aggressive conduct: Intimidates others with body language
Assertive conduct: Shows confident body language that matches the message

Aggressive conduct: Has an air of inflexibly—"my way or the highway"
Assertive conduct: States one's needs, but genuinely considers other perspectives

Aggressive conduct: Strives to control others
Assertive conduct: Strives to listen to and work with others

Aggressive conduct: Considers other's perspectives only when demanded to do so
Assertive conduct: Considers other's perspectives without needing to be asked

Aggressive conduct: Values one's self more than others
Assertive conduct: Values self as an equal to others

Aggressive conduct: Will intimidate or even hurt others to avoid being hurt
Assertive conduct: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

Aggressive conduct: Reaches goals usually on the backs of others
Assertive conduct: Strives to reach goals, and help others reach their goals, too

In many ways, assertiveness means standing up for one's self without walking over other people. Those who have been aggressive can gain assertiveness by exercising higher levels of consideration for other people's point of view. This means developing a genuine desire for listening, and not trying to figure someone out by osmosis.

For those who have been non-assertive, assertiveness can be gained by standing up for your own point of view - politeness combined with firmness. This is seeking to get your needs met without backing down like Caspar Milquetoast, yet not crossing the line of walking on other people's needs, which is falling into aggressiveness.

Patience must be developed. Human nature must be considered. The big picture must be seen. Then, with a professionally firm but polite approach, the assertive person earns the respect and cooperation of others much faster and with more commitment than does an aggressive person.

Take it from our friends at the Oxford Dictionary: Assertive people are better able to state an opinion, claim a right, and establish authority. Have a go at it!

 

[Jay Jay]

Wow!

Freddy1. That was an awesome post!

 

[Freddy1]

Hey thanks Jay Jay