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How to be a better Conversationalist?

Zimbabwe

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I'm noticing that one of my biggest issues was that I'm simply not very good at keeping people engaged with conversation and that my story telling skills are garbage. This problem has only gotten worse since the pandemic and I notice it when i talk to team members through video chats.

How can I get better at conversation/small talk, i sound way too laid back/robotic with my tone as well. People note that i am very monotonous in my tone but I'm not sure how to sound more interested without coming off as too fake?
 

GreatHornedOwl

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One thing I can tell you is that you don't want to be a story teller with women. You want them to wonder what your opinions, feelings and thoughts are. Keep conversation light, playful, slightly flirty, and try to let them do most of the talking.
 

Zimbabwe

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One thing I can tell you is that you don't want to be a story teller with women. You want them to wonder what your opinions, feelings and thoughts are. Keep conversation light, playful, slightly flirty, and try to let them do most of the talking.
It works fine when I'm dating, eventually during the relationship they introduce me to their friends or we try to talk other times. That's where the issues come up for me.

Practice with family members and close friends. These are people that you don’t have to “try” with. Find one you can have a fun, hour long convo with.
Thats the only real social interaction I've had these past 4 months of lockdown, while it does help i just feel different around girls im dating or new people. Unless they are talking about me specifically I don't sound at all interested when speaking to them.
 

devilkingx2

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I'm noticing that one of my biggest issues was that I'm simply not very good at keeping people engaged with conversation and that my story telling skills are garbage. This problem has only gotten worse since the pandemic and I notice it when i talk to team members through video chats.
Story-Telling:
1. Embellish the details to make a better story. Like how Disney always edits the fairy tales for their movies.

2. Only tell stories that people would care about, that have a punchline or a shocking twist or are outright unbelievable; something like that.

Engaging conversation:
1. Ask questions and talk about topics that not every single person is going to mention or ask about.

2. Keep an eye out for topics of conversation that pass by you whether on the news or related to your hobbies. For example currently there is a conspiracy surrounding why southwest airlines cancelled 2000+ flights this week. They claim it's the weather but why does the (warm and sunny) weather only affect one airline?

3. Sometimes if you say too much you leave no room for a response, intentionally leave room for followup questions. For example I mention that I'm going on a vacation soon offhandedly and casually with zero details when talking to let people ask me about it. If they don't ask they probably don't care.
 

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crowolf

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The best conversationalists are actually the best listeners. Always listen more than you talk. Be genuinely interested in the other person.

And, of course, educate yourself on different topics, which interest you. That way you would always have value to add to another people and be an intriguing person. Wide knowledge on different topics will make things so much easier for you.

Read the right books, consume only worthy content, develop and embrace your personality - the real you, and in a matter of time you will notice your whole paradigm elevating, and with that - your communication skills, conversations and relationships.
 

Fruitbat

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You work in IT or data science is my analysis.
 

RangerMIke

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It's actually easy.

(1) Listen to what people are saying.
(2) Don't interrupt people, let them complete their thoughts.
(2) Respond to what they are saying.
(3) Ask clarifying questions.
(4) Don't worry about what you are going to say, or if the conversion goes in a different direction. Just go with the flow.
 

Barrister

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It's actually easy.

(1) Listen to what people are saying.
(2) Don't interrupt people, let them complete their thoughts.
(2) Respond to what they are saying.
(3) Ask clarifying questions.
(4) Don't worry about what you are going to say, or if the conversion goes in a different direction. Just go with the flow.
This is spot on. The bottom line is to get the other person talking about themselves. People love to talk about their own interests and stories. You can get by with saying very little once they open up and they will think you are a great conversationalist despite saying next to nothing. Read some Dale Carnegie sometime for a full exploration of this.
 

Zimbabwe

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It's actually easy.

(1) Listen to what people are saying.
(2) Don't interrupt people, let them complete their thoughts.
(2) Respond to what they are saying.
(3) Ask clarifying questions.
(4) Don't worry about what you are going to say, or if the conversion goes in a different direction. Just go with the flow.
Thank you, i definitely think i can do this instead of forcing myself to be interesting. I'm going to focus on being a good listener
 
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