How to balance validation and disinterest, and how to validate

[Paarth Shah]

Women typically get a sense of it right away. It is usually implied and is just a process of confirmation from there. How quickly this impression is established or how it is confirmed will depend on the qualities of the man himself. Obviously, a very good looking, charismatic guy will be perceived relatively quickly as one who is wanted by other women, whereas an average looking, awkward, anti-social guy is much less likely to leave the same impression. But actions also convey/confirm this impression as well. A man who regularly dates women, particularly attractive women, is not going to act thirsty/desperate around every pretty face who gives him the time of day.

It is in how you look and carry yourself. It doesn't need to be brought up and discussed overtly by a man (though it can be at times). It is more often brought up and discussed overtly by a woman who has decided she does not want to share such a man.

When guys tell you to wait this long to do this, wait that long to do that, they are giving you nothing but a very generic, contrived formula on how to create the kind of contrast I spoke of earlier. But this is advice that completely ignores the dynamics between an individual man and a woman. It is advice that focuses solely on curbing the enthusiasm of desperation in the man himself. If you are finding that women perceive you as losing interest in them after 2 days of no contact, then you are already displaying, naturally I might add, a lack of desperation even before those 2 days of no contact, which is why it comes off more like a loss of interest rather than the behavior of a busy man with options.

I'm a very busy man myself, genuinely, so much that I often have to schedule dates 2 weeks in advance sometimes. That is enough for me to get away with texting a woman back within minutes whenever I want to, and as often as I want to. I don't have to follow any timeline rules. Women love the fact that I am responsive even though I am very busy. But If I were always available every single day, the same, quick response time all day every day would likely leave an entirely different impression.

Do you think you can explain this in further detail? So is it bad to wait 2 days to contact if she perceives it as losing interest? Wouldn't the interest pique right back up again when you re-initiate contact on day #3?

 

[Paarth Shah]

The point is that these timeline rules are intended to curb the enthusiasm of a man who does not see a lot of action. It is more about stopping repetitive bad behaviors that typically turn women off, far more than it is about increasing the attraction of a woman directly.

In other words, if you're not conveying this problem to begin with, applying artificial timelines to correct a non-existent behavior is like trying to fix something that isn't broken. It is like an anorexic woman going on a diet because she thinks she's fat.

I can respond to 10 texts a woman sends me in a single day, yet I can do no wrong. Why? Because she already understands I am not a desperate, needy man. I can pick up my phone and set up a date for tomorrow. I do not have to curb any behavior to get a message across that has already been delivered. As a result, my behavior is not a turn off, it is a turn on, because I choose to communicate with her when I could just as easily spend that time communicating with 5 other women instead.

This is true of practically everything. If you have clearly established an extremely solid level of confidence, for example, you can expose your greatest weaknesses without fear, which will even further reinforce a man's perceived confidence and comfort with himself. She will like me more.

Rules correct. They fix. But they can also overplay things and have adverse effects when applied unnecessarily. You have to learn who you are and how you interact with women in order to understand when you need to apply some self-correcting behavior and when you can let it all go and be entirely unapologetic.

Damn, spoken like a champ. So that's the key huh. My eyes hurt, I never seen the light before until now...

 

[Lynx nkaf]

thanks devilkingx2, I feel this is the status quo and must be indentured to this abuse(force myself to like being a cuckquean)to have my next LTR and I know marriage will be permanently out of the question.

I think some people take this too far and make it sound like all women are closet cuckold fetishists (or rather the female variant, cuckquean)

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I'm not talking about your preferences on competition with other men. I am talking about the woman herself. How often are you attracted to the type of woman that other men find undesirable? It is a simple question.

Nobody WANTS to compete, and it is your free choice not to compete. You are free to go find yourself a fat, ugly, b1tchy, undesirable woman and live in your uncompetitive bliss right now, never to worry that anyone will steal her away, but to argue that such a view is typical of men or women in general is foolish. Most people, men and women alike, most often find themselves attracted to people that others consider attractive as well. It is not a theory. It is a fact of life.

Yes, there are variables, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and such, but no one truly sets out to seek the undesirable. Most people who end up there are typically settling for less against their true desires.

yes and no

The man I got engaged to looked like the nerdy, weird office space movie guy.

He still cheated ffs.(a setup he lied about that he had before me and refused to end when I found out)

I can't succeed in finding a loyal man, even an ugly one, so maybe I should endure being a cuckquean officially. Forced, planned exposure until I start actually desiring this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The "non competition" was about they liked you enough not to monkey branch.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

well it depends on if you mean wanted by other guys in theory or in practice

I like a girl with big boobs, big boobs are popular with men, so in theory every time I hit on a girl with DDs I am talking to a girl theoretically desired by other men (because you can only speculate on what she does when you're not around so you don't know if she's lonely from being ignored by men and you're the only guy talking to her or if she has 10 sideguys and gets hit on daily) so in that sense I agree

however most of my examples are obviously in the practical sense, you'd want to be on the bachelor not the bachelorette, you don't want to be competing with 10 other guys for this one girl and having to do so makes her less desirable

a girl I would like is likely to be liked by other guys too, however once she's so desired that I need to beat the other guys off her with a stick and she can replace me in an instant my d!ck goes soft

Its HER job to like you enough that there's nothing to beat back with a stick.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Wow this was over two years ago. Talk about back from the dead. It was interesting looking back and seeing where I was then, and seeing the progress I have made since then.

Trying to recall back to the girls I was seeing at the time, and wondering what would have triggered me to ask this question, I think it was likely due to, at the time, my not being dismissive enough with medium interest women, and also my being active in Online Dating (I think I was just getting out of OLD around that time).

Another component that has helped me with this is that, as my game has improved, I stop questioning myself as much when things don't work out. Especially since I have had a date or two where I just KNOW I did everything "right," and the girl seemed to have very high interest at the end of the date, we made out, but then didn't respond when I would reach out a few days after that awesome date. I made a post about this in response to a question a guy posted here a few days back...... I summarized that when you first discover game/TRP/DJ/etc, all failures with women are going to be your fault. But once you improve, get the fundamentals down, etc, you realize there are going to be times where you did everything right and the girl just isn't compatible with you, you aren't on the same wavelength, or it's just the wrong time/place for her. You can't blame yourself.