I was thinking about this last night after I briefly talked to a girl I'd like to ****. Anyway I like hanging around with this girl but at the same time I'd like to **** her in the future. There's no chance of getting with her right now because she has a bf that she's be with for years (way before I met her) and while they seem to be having problem for the last few months she seems to want to make it work (which is cool, her choice). I still would like to chill with her, and I know she wants the same. But I'd like to keep her as an acquaintance because I think that's my best bet to getting with her in the future (just to add, she told me that she's attracted to me and she likes being around me). What are your thoughts?
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
How to avoid getting to close to a girl while still hanging around with her?
- Thread starter Kal0051
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
The best way to avoid getting close to her is to have other options. In addition you must limit the time you spend with her. Men have a habit of getting attached to women they spend a lot of time with.
Why not just make a move now instead of waiting for her relationship to end? You said she is attracted to you.
The vast majority of relationships end in these ways.
1. She finds a "better" guy and leaves her BF.
2. Her BF does something stupid or wussy and she moves on to the "better" guy she knows.
3. Her BF does something stupid or wussy and she leaves him and is single.
The problem with 2 & 3 is that you have to wait for something to happen. And then there is always the chance that she will completely skip you and find a new guy.
Why not just make a move now instead of waiting for her relationship to end? You said she is attracted to you.
The vast majority of relationships end in these ways.
1. She finds a "better" guy and leaves her BF.
2. Her BF does something stupid or wussy and she moves on to the "better" guy she knows.
3. Her BF does something stupid or wussy and she leaves him and is single.
The problem with 2 & 3 is that you have to wait for something to happen. And then there is always the chance that she will completely skip you and find a new guy.
Sorry Maxtro, don't want to be a **** or anything but I'm not gonna take your advice.Maxtro said:
She's been with this guy for a while, plus add the fact that she's pretty young, so I don't think she'll leave him easily. Eventually it will happen but it could be a while. So in the meantime I'd rather not become her friend but still chill with her.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
:crackup:Kal0051 said:
When did I say to become her friend
Chilling with her from time to time is fine. Just make sure you don't spend too much time.
Did you even really read my post?
If you want to possibly wait a year or more for something to happen between them, go ahead. Don't be surprised if she hooks up with a new guy.
----------------------------------
Edit: Bah out of posts
Below is my response to Kal and TLP.
So tell me. Is my advice actually bad. Or should it be ignored simply because of who I am? Before you attack me, try to figure out if the advice is sound.
Has it ever occurred to you that one way to really learn something is to try and help somebody else?
Pretty much the same thing I said to LP. Do any of you think that I have learned nothing from my experiences?
Hell if you want to do the opposite of what I said because it was Maxtro who said it, then fine be my guest. Spend every day with her, have deep private conversations with her.
The Logical Player
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2 things wrong with this thread:
1) Why is Maxtro giving anyone advice about how to get girls? Maxtro dude, you need to be TAKING advice, and LEARNING, and ONLY that - you should not be giving anyone advice due to your current patheticness (which I have figured that you are not even trying to get out of)
2) Why is the original poster hanging out with a girl who is in a long time relationship?? That is such a p$ssy approach, so AFC-like trying to sneak up on a taken girl like that. You will reap what you sow, and if her boyfriend finds out about you, he might kill you (AFC's kill for p$ssy, and her bf is no doubt an AFC). You need to ONLY go for girls who are single - no damn exceptions
1) Why is Maxtro giving anyone advice about how to get girls? Maxtro dude, you need to be TAKING advice, and LEARNING, and ONLY that - you should not be giving anyone advice due to your current patheticness (which I have figured that you are not even trying to get out of)
2) Why is the original poster hanging out with a girl who is in a long time relationship?? That is such a p$ssy approach, so AFC-like trying to sneak up on a taken girl like that. You will reap what you sow, and if her boyfriend finds out about you, he might kill you (AFC's kill for p$ssy, and her bf is no doubt an AFC). You need to ONLY go for girls who are single - no damn exceptions
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Yeah, I did read what you wrote. She's most likely going to do the 3rd option you wrote. I said I wouldn't take your advice mainly from your track record with women, so sorry 'bout that. I might make a move depending on how she acts with me and if her current relationship keeps going downhill.Maxtro said::crackup:
When did I say to become her friend
Chilling with her from time to time is fine. Just make sure you don't spend too much time.
Did you even really read my post?
If you want to possibly wait a year or more for something to happen between them, go ahead.
I'm not really hanging out with her. She's the friend of a girl I was seeing a few months ago and me and her started talking more after I was done with her friend. Right now we IM/text/talk on the phone once a week at most. We've tried to find time to hang out but our schedules conflict. While I like talking/chilling with her I also don't want to become her friend since I know her relationship probably isn't going to last much longer, and I'd like to try getting with her when it's over (I'm not hanging out with her to get in her pants, that would be AFC). And her bf's not gonna kill me, I've met him and he wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with me (I used to complete in martial arts at the world level).The Logical Player said:
The Logical Player
Banned
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Kal0051 said:
AFC's dont fight fair, you can't fight back if the guy has a knife or a gun - its likely he doesnt, but do you want to take that risk over a piece of azz? Also, how many other girls are you hooking up with right now? Because if you ARE going to waste energy on a taken girl, then you better already have several girls that you are seeing - in which case, the taken girl that you are trying to game is just there for "diversity" of p$ssy, but you still need OTHER p$ssy to be there for you at all times
Igetit!
Moderator
This thing you say about IM/texting/calling each other on the phone while at the same time trying not to become her friend is a contradiction in terms. It's like saying that you want to jump into a pool to go swimming,bit at the same time,you don't want to get wet. You can't do both of the at the same time. If you two contact and hangout with each other,you two are ALREADY friends. Just the fact that you guys are attempting to hang out when the hanging out is a non-romantic get-together means that you're friends. This thing you're trying to do can't be done. What you don't realize is that women "feel" something from you simply by being in your presense. I said the exact same thing in Maxtro's thread:There is no "pause button" on attraction. It's not,"We hang out,hang out,hang out,hang out with each other with absolutely no kind of feelings for each other at all for a few months until she and her boyfriend split up,then once they're no longer together,NOW we can start being romantic/sexual with each other. Now we can start having sexual chemistry towards one other". It doesn't work that way.Kal0051 said:
I don't know how long you two have been in contact with each other,or how long you been trying to spend time together but couldn't because of your conflicting schedules,but if it's been for a while,like a 2 or 3 months,or possibly as little as one month,then more than likely,it's already over with.
You made a mistake. If you like this girl and want to date her,the BEST thing you could have done to increase your chances with her would have been to COMPLETELY STAY AWAY FROM HER. And I mean 100%,absolutely NO CONTACT. This way,she can't EMOTIONALLY form an opinion of you. But now,by you being in her presense,EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING,she has some sense of who you are,and since you've been "friendly" with her all this time,that means she feels an "absence" of attraction. Why? Because you haven't been doing or saying anything sexual towards her because you're waiting for her relationship to end. There's no pause button on her emotions. She can't pause any possible sexual feelings towards you right now,then in a few months when she's single,she unpauses it and says,"Ok,I'm single now. Now I can feel chemistry towards you". If she doesn't feel it now,chances are she isn't going to when her relationship ends.
And as for Maxtro. He is MORE THAN QUALIFIED to advice you on this situation. After what he just went through,yeah,he has gained the knowledge to be able to help you out. As far as getting the girl,he may not know exactly what TO DO,but he DEFINATELY KNOWS what NOT TO DO.
Dannyrt34
Master Don Juan
You want to chill with her with no further intentions other than just chilling with her? While you're not being her friend?Kal0051 said:
I've never heard of such a thing. If you're hanging out without making any moves, your going to become friends. You have to go see other girls, and deal with keeping her as a friend.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
The Logical Player
Banned
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people who post these things are AFC's with their mind made up - when they get advice, they backpeddle and try to argue in favor of what their AFC mindset wants to do, and the advice given to these kinds of guys will go ignored - I think all of us giving advice are just wasting our time, because these chumps simply DO NOT LISTEN
If you don't think you're in the friendzone yet, then you're not. This "friendzone" thing can be partially mental IMO unless the girls straight up say you're friends. If you don't think of her as a friend, but more of an acquaintance, then that's what you are.Kal0051 said:
Now as far as keeping her around ..that's simple. All you have to do is be indifferent and cordial with her. Like it or not you're going to have to flirt a little with her. You cannot constantly crowd her. If you do, she'll get what you're up to and you'll be done like dinner. Give her attention, but don't be too aggressive. Make some moves on her to let her know your position. It's hard to explain on a forum, it's better if seen directly. But try to be kind of funny and sexual with your game if that makes sense. Not ****y and funny ..but sexual and funny. Make sexual remarks while joking with her at the same time, but give her a "fvck me" look the entire time.
This works wonders for me even with women I don't have a lot of sexual desire for. Sometimes if I don't give a flying fvck about a girl, I practice my game with them to see how they respond. It's a sure winner.
You could say something simple like complimenting on what she's wearing or telling her something like "if you weren't taken, I could see you in between my sheets." Either way, you can't stick yourself in buddy mode if you have romantic/sexual interest in her and she's willing to play along. Flirting is key.
As everyone has told you, spinning more plates is necessary. I'm sure you're a smart enough guy to realize this. If you don't then you'll fall into Oneitis with this girl and believe me ..nothing is more disheartening then having a oneitis for a girl that's taken.
Lastly, always wear your game face. This chick's going to know what's up if you keep your game tight, but keep it secret. As soon as you say something stupid like professing your feelings it's over. You'll definitely be in her reserve box if you keep your game tight tho - I can't stress that enough.
As far as hanging out ..well you just have to make moves. Always make sure to make it sound like your plans are something you're doing with or without her. Never make it seem like a date. And definitely don't overdue the hang outs.
Good luck
Sounds like its not possible for you to have both. You like and want to sleep with a girl who is having sex with her boyfriend for the last four years. When you hang out with her without sleeping with her, it feeds her ego like nothing else. (This guy is giving me his time and attention and I don't even have to give him sex, wow, what a deal!") The more you hang out with her without sleeping with her because she has a bf, the harder its going to be for you to have sex with her when or if she dumps him.Kal0051 said:
If you want to sleep with her, you have to disappear until she breaks up with him. If you want her company, keep hanging out with her. The one thing you can't do if you want to have sex with her is keep hanging out with as an acquaintance hoping one day she'll magically see the light and sleep with you. It doesn't work that way and you know it.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
This thread has developed into something rather interesting.
Can Kal0051 avoid the friendzone and get the girl? We shall see.
Good or bad I'd like to see what happens. Honestly I'd love to see Kal0051 "win."
I know I have a poor reputation on this board. But I do enjoy trying to help others and I only do so in situations that I feel I know something about. I don't even try to help with circumstances that are "out of my league."
Igetit!'s advice seems sound but so does GuanYu.
It's
The issue that I have with no contact is, what's preventing her from forgetting about you and hooking up with a guy that is flirting with her? It's not a good feeling when a girl goes from being in a relationship, to single, then to hooking up with a brand new person. And that's exactly what happened with me.
As mentioned before, oneitis must be avoided at all costs. But that's like saying don't push the big red button. Just repeating what everybody else has said, spin more plates. But if you feel you are getting attached you must abort.
Can Kal0051 avoid the friendzone and get the girl? We shall see.
Good or bad I'd like to see what happens. Honestly I'd love to see Kal0051 "win."
Bolded for emphasis.Igetit! said:
I know I have a poor reputation on this board. But I do enjoy trying to help others and I only do so in situations that I feel I know something about. I don't even try to help with circumstances that are "out of my league."
Igetit!'s advice seems sound but so does GuanYu.
It's
vs.Igetit! said:
Which one is correct? Or is it a combination of the two? Is it best to simply not spend any time alone with her? But is it fine to flirt with her if you run into her at work/school or wherever they meet?GuanYu said:
The issue that I have with no contact is, what's preventing her from forgetting about you and hooking up with a guy that is flirting with her? It's not a good feeling when a girl goes from being in a relationship, to single, then to hooking up with a brand new person. And that's exactly what happened with me.
As mentioned before, oneitis must be avoided at all costs. But that's like saying don't push the big red button. Just repeating what everybody else has said, spin more plates. But if you feel you are getting attached you must abort.
Igetit!
Moderator
Agreed. I do think that Kal0051 can avoid the friendzone.....if he's not already there yet. The only thing is is that this isn't the standard,ideal approach. Normally,it's single guy approaches single girl. Either my or GuanYu's advice would be perfect in this type of scenario. But here,you have a guy trying to get a girl,but because she's already taken,there are some additional aspects that need to be taken into consideration. He'd like to date her NOW,but because of logistics,he can't,so he wants to wait until later in the future....while at the same time trying to avoid the friendzone. Well I'm sorry,but in this specific type of situation,the best way to avoid the friendzone is simply to avoid the girl.Maxtro said:
I actually agree with what GuanYu said. It's just when his advice is applied that I disagree with. If Kal0051 had FROM THE BEGINNING,from the very first meeting did what GuanYu said,then yeah,avoiding the friendzone would be a piece of cake for him. I've said this over and over again:you can't start off acting and behaving one way,then later on down the line,you switch up to another way of being around her. If he started off being friendly with her from the onset,then friendly is what she is comfortable with and what she's going to continue to expect from him. If he's been friendly for the past five months,then all of the sudden,out of the blue,he start making little sexual remarks that are not in general,but reguarding the two of them,she's going to feel uncomfortable. And not only that,but if he's been friendly/non-sexual towards her for the entire time he's know her,then HE'LL feel a little weird/awkward when he gets ready to start acting more sexual towards her as well. Every guy knows how nervous and weird he feels when he's been around a girl he likes for some period of time just being friendly,then at some point,he finally decides to take the "risk" of showing his true feelings.Maxtro said:
Maxtro,Maxtro,Maxtro. You dissapoint me,my friend. You still don't get it. You say what's to prevent her from forgetting about you. Look,that's what you want!!! You WANT her to forget about you. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF AVOIDING HER. You want her to forget about you,that is,the friendly/friendzone you.Maxtro said:
If she forgets about you,then you can re-approach her,and this time,you can approach her the right way instead of remaking the original mistakes you made that caused her to put you in the friendzone the first time you approached her. If you avoid her for 6 months,then after all that time has passed,you approach her only to have her pick up emotionally right where you two left off,you're screwed. It's over with.
Anyway like I said,I think that both my advice and Guanyu's is sound,it just depends on when that advice is applied that make it effective or not.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
this makes a lot of sense. And yes I'm spinning other plates, and we don't hang out much (has a lot to do with the fact that her friend I was seeing would freak if she knew we were hanging out). But I like the idea of flirting her a bit (she's a smart girl, she'll realize what's going on) while we're chilling. Thanks.GuanYu said:
That's the kind of bait an attention wh0re would throw to her newly acquired orbiter: the dangling carrot of potential intimacy - and the orbiter is the @ss / donkey.Kal0051 said:
I've done a few of those girls before from being in the reserve. What you should do is to keep yourself an acquaintance, avoid any intimate event or talks that's supposed to be for close friends only, stay just a little out of her reach, game her with flirting / C&F / kino & all that jazz yet treating it all as a half joke, don't take her seriously, don't escalate (keep the interaction sexual and keep the tension going but stay on that line), keep dating other girls and ask her for tips at times. Keep yourself informed of her situation and get yourself in an advantageous position to make the best use of all that hard work after she breaks up with her BF.
Btw this is why you can't trust a chick with male friends she hangs out with regularly. Among them will be one or two guys with game who'd shake your hand, say nice things about you, drink your beer & eat your food (when they get invited to your house party by your GF) AND help themselves to your GF's pvssy when your guard is down and your GF isn't emotionally satisfied (or whatever the fvck the excuse is). :crackup:
lol, yeah her bf doesn't trust a lot of her male friends by the look of it. Mind you this doesn't include me, she seems to be talking to me in secret, probably so her friend that I was seeing doesn't find out (her friend's a crazy *****). But that's gonna be his undoing with her, she was telling me the last time they went out he started some **** with one of her guy friends and she wished he didn't go.Jitterbug said:
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.