How to avoid being a miscast?

[The LadyKiller]

One of my good friends is 100% certain that I am misunderstood by people. He cited one of our supervisors as an example. When I started at my current company, the supervisor was "not a fan" of me. However, after we worked together several more times, I am one of his favorites.

I've posted on the board before about how some of my peers (mainly some girls) behave strongly hostile for me over seemingly nothing. I've done some thinking and wrote down some of the things that make me a divisive personality, which I posted below. My question is, how do I avoid myself from being misunderstood by others? Here are the "misunderstandings from my work/social circle amongst my peers (not superiors):

Talking to others at work = I don't do any work. Although I am a rather outgoing guy, EVERYONE talks to others at work. I work at a large company, and most of the employees are in their 20s. Even though we all walk around and socialize at times, my peers peg me as the one who doesn't do much work. THE REALITY: I'm one of the most efficient people at my position. I turn in my work assignments on time and well done. My supervisors regularly ask me to train the new employees because I'll teach them well. While I'm at the same level as my peers, my supervisors consider me reliable and trustworthy.
-For a few days, I mostly sat at my work station and only chatted with friends or those who came over to me. It wasn't fun.

I'm a womanizer. Somewhat a product of the misunderstanding above. My peers think I hit on girls constantly and try to get them on dates. I "like" every HB. THE REALITY:I've worked at this company for almost 3 years. In that time, I've asked out.........2 girls. That's it. I'm not opposed to dating someone from work - a number of my friends do so - but my job is my #1 priority. Several guys I know conspicuously hit on girls to the point that it's uncomfortable (They ask girls out all the time), but they don't receive this label. I talk to many more guys (friends) than girls. I have a couple of friends who are girls, but not many. I also don't initiate "kino" at work. Ever.
-Like the situation earlier, I spent a week only socialized with girls who initiated the interaction (not work-related). Not much happened.

I antagonize or "provoke" others. My peers and I have many of the same hobbies and interests, and all argue/debate about them. But in my case, people think I instigate every argument/debate and go after others. THE REALITY:I argue/debate...after someone provokes me. I'm always up for a good debate, but I usually participate once someone else starts it. Am I more clever with my remarks and sometimes go outside-the-box to prove a point? Yes. But my peers don't see their provoking, they only see my participation.
-Once or twice, I've let out a little steam (respectfully) at some provokers who went over the top (made it personal). That scared them straight - who knew poking the bear would wake him up?

Those are the main misunderstandings I run into. Sorry for the long post, I feel better after writing this out. How do I avoid being misunderstood by others? I've probably become the most divisive person out of anyone I know, and that's not a good thing. Most people aren't misunderstood.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Hey, most people will tell you it doesn't matter how they view you, & they are correct.

Impressions are very hard to change and most of the time, they are false. They say "never judge a book by its cover" but they might as well change it to "never breathe" Because everyone does that sh1t anyway, even you and I.

The only way to change someones impression of you is for them to actually meet you (like your boss did, and see? now he fvcks with you) So if they never take the time to meet you then they will forever hold these impressions which, it they didn't wanna meet you, shouldn't matter anyway right?

So you got 3 options:

1: Act different act work, don't be yourself, be quiet and do your work diligently in effort to be seen in positive light in others

2. Don't give a fvck, continue your desired natural behavior and think "Fvck them"

3. Meet all your Co workers and have them begin judging you, based on you, and not how they imagine you are.

Because of my appearance, I'm constantly viewed as a "player" who wasn't to smart. People are still amazed when they find out I'm at the top of my class in grades and are confused because it contradicts my appearance.

I won't start dressing nerdy, and being antisocial so people can percieve my actual qualities. If they wish to know they can find out by getting to know me.

You get my point.

Hater gonna hate.

~Smoove

 

[SgtSplacker]

Working is like a ballet of bull$hit. You can be the best guy there, but if your peers don't realize that you will be the first fired. You can be the biggest slacker there, but if everyone likes you the best employee they ever had is you.

Remember the reason why you are at work is to make money to support yourself.

You HAVE to manage perception at work. Plain and simple you can't succeed without doing this unless you are of very high ranking/certification. What this means is that if you are going to talk to someone else do it holding some form or paper so it looks like you are working. If you are going to laugh at a joke do so discreetly. If you see your manager coming finish your sentence with "ok i'll get back to you about that when I return to my desk."

I'm not suggesting you to do a bad job and BS all day being sneaky. I am suggesting you work all day but don't ruin it by letting your boss catch you wasting time.

If you do 4 hours of work and let your boss catch you wasting just 10 minutes you just wasted 4 hours of work.

When you speak to people in a group at work stop trying to top everyone else. It only builds resentment and misgivings. Check your ego dude, this is not the forum for your personality to shine. This is the forum for your accomplishments to shine. And you're ruining it by talking too much. I like to play things like celebrities sometimes to. Show up looking good, speak only positive things, say nothing about yourself or your ideals. Keep things shiny on the outside. Always on the up and up.

Now your intention is obviously to use work as a social hub for your life (not a good idea). There are two ways you can gain popularity at work. One is talking to anyone who can bear hearing your voice again, another is to do good by your boss so he values you. Other people will see your value (including women) and they will understand you are not as available as someone who has no responsibilities in the company (a loser). They will be more excited to talk to you because you are a scarce resource and not so available all the time. You can maintain the same interest without having to constantly maintain it by joking around all day.

What I do is to establish my personality whenever I can with brief comments/interactions. Then whenever I talk to someone it's always about happy hour so I keep them on topic. If I see there's a group going out I ask about it. If I did a good job in demonstrating my personality without verbal diarrhea I will get invited out with them.

All of these complaints they have about you are all due to you being too generally overt in your dealings with other people. Be more mysterious man, stop speaking everything on your mind. Do you even trust these people to be talking to them so much?

 

[The LadyKiller]

Thanks for the insight. I should point out this is with peers only. Not my supervisors, who seem to have a good idea of the reality (a good thing).

SgtSplacker - You make some good points. Appear busier even when there's down time. My ego isn't overinflated, but at the same time, I feel I'm good at my job. My peers feel the same way about themselves. Keeping things brief could be a necessary step. I only confide in those I really trust. Most importantly, I need to find a way to manage perception - always thought that reality would win the day, but it doesn't.

SmooveMoves - I agree that the people who try to make cracks at my expense or form the ill perceptions don't know me especially well. If we spent time together, there's a chance that changes. Like you, people are surprised to find out that, despite my sense of humor (if they think I'm "distracted,") I'm probably the most perceptive person in our department and have a pulse on everything going on. Out of your 3 options, option 2 is the likely winner. I briefly tried #1, didn't change a thing. Option #3 takes too much work due to the number of people in our department.

One other note, and this is very recent - a couple of main antagonizers have tried to subtly make fun of me based on my perception. Well that came to a screeching halt when I caught on and laid the smack. I'm usually laid back in demeanor, so my overt calling them out (not in front of an audience) scared them a bit. Those involved won't test me again for the time being.