People break-up today for a plethora of reasons, some are legit while others are just lame. Statistically most relationships fail. Wouldn’t it be great if there was some indicator predictor to predetermine if the two of you are headed towards Splitsville. How does one actually know when they have discovered someone worth keeping? The relationship experts (for the most part) all agree that there are a few specific methods that determine whether a couple will stay together.
With some degree of accuracy, one predominant method is HOW TWO PEOPLE DEAL WITH CLONFLICT. The little disagreements, arguments, fights and how you resolve them is the best indicator of compatibility. A primary factor in conflict resolution is AVOIDANCE, this is used in two ways;
1) Trying to resolve the conflict as quickly as possible by doing anything to appease their partners. The thinking process here is if it’s out of sight then it’s out of mind and thus no need to talk about it any further…….problem solved. This is not a viable long-term solution, rather just a quick fix which will manifest at a later time.
2) The second method of avoidance is to WITHDRAW. Removing yourself from the situation, walking away during a conflict, utilizing the silent treatment, switching the subject, refusing to talk about it are all examples of avoidance. This inability to deal with problems as they arise, in a mature way, will infect any relationship like a virus. Seeking help after you’ve been infected from one of those so called “fix it” experts is not the best course of action. The solution lies within incorporating periodic preventive maintenance and noticing red flags as potential warning signs of possible incompatibility factors. Here is the problem most people will fall into; these little bumps in the relationship road don’t begin to present themselves until after you start dating them.
So what’s a person to do if we encounter a pretty face that’s totally void of anything related to long-term. Simple, this is where you introduce your intuition and your keen observation skills. How do you do that, you might be saying, easy……..START PAYING CLOSER ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS. Make note of the little red flags you see as they may serve as insight into a person’s personality. This is, by far the best method of NOT being associated with someone who won’t be a good fit for you. Refuse to do this and you might as well invest in some head-ache medicine.
Gimme some examples……..thought you’d never ask. Met this cute girl, she refused to tell me her exact age, After a few dates, I was at her house and I asked if there was anything to drink. She said check the fridge, what I noticed was there was all this healthy food and then 15 bottles of beer. She is not really a beer drinker, so what gives. In our many getting to know each other conversations I informed her I like iced tea with lemon. The next time I was at her house there was 12 bottles of cold iced tea chilling in the fridge for me. Her phone would ring ever so often and she refused to answer it. I asked why and she just said “this guy just keeps bugging me for another date”. We would argue over the littlest things and each date ended up in conflict. She neglected to inform me that she has been married 3 times, lived with 2 guys in a 3 year span has no desire to have children, suffers from migraines and is on medication. This chic went through more men then a roll of toilet paper at a Mexican restaurant. This could have been all avoided had I paid closer attention to the contents of her fridge. I am not saying to go through a person’s medicine cabinet in order to determine your potential for cohesiveness……just make a note.
Conflict resolution is a skill that very few can master in a short period of time but observations can be improved quickly. Sticking around way too long, trying to fix existing problems, enlisting help from others may be futile in the early stages of a relationship. Keep in mind that finding a perfect partner is almost next to impossible, so be realistic. A woman once told me to choose my battles, capitulate from time to time to reduce the amount of stress. Occasionally stand your ground, be passionate about something you truly believe in. It may seem like you are giving up your sense of authority but in reality, it will make you less of a control freak and earn more respect. No one ever wins a fight, a good diplomat is a skilled negotiator. With experience comes wisdom and conflict resolution starts with the warning signs.
Compatibility can be achieved with two people who are willing to compromise………..if one refuses, time to move on.
With some degree of accuracy, one predominant method is HOW TWO PEOPLE DEAL WITH CLONFLICT. The little disagreements, arguments, fights and how you resolve them is the best indicator of compatibility. A primary factor in conflict resolution is AVOIDANCE, this is used in two ways;
1) Trying to resolve the conflict as quickly as possible by doing anything to appease their partners. The thinking process here is if it’s out of sight then it’s out of mind and thus no need to talk about it any further…….problem solved. This is not a viable long-term solution, rather just a quick fix which will manifest at a later time.
2) The second method of avoidance is to WITHDRAW. Removing yourself from the situation, walking away during a conflict, utilizing the silent treatment, switching the subject, refusing to talk about it are all examples of avoidance. This inability to deal with problems as they arise, in a mature way, will infect any relationship like a virus. Seeking help after you’ve been infected from one of those so called “fix it” experts is not the best course of action. The solution lies within incorporating periodic preventive maintenance and noticing red flags as potential warning signs of possible incompatibility factors. Here is the problem most people will fall into; these little bumps in the relationship road don’t begin to present themselves until after you start dating them.
So what’s a person to do if we encounter a pretty face that’s totally void of anything related to long-term. Simple, this is where you introduce your intuition and your keen observation skills. How do you do that, you might be saying, easy……..START PAYING CLOSER ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS. Make note of the little red flags you see as they may serve as insight into a person’s personality. This is, by far the best method of NOT being associated with someone who won’t be a good fit for you. Refuse to do this and you might as well invest in some head-ache medicine.
Gimme some examples……..thought you’d never ask. Met this cute girl, she refused to tell me her exact age, After a few dates, I was at her house and I asked if there was anything to drink. She said check the fridge, what I noticed was there was all this healthy food and then 15 bottles of beer. She is not really a beer drinker, so what gives. In our many getting to know each other conversations I informed her I like iced tea with lemon. The next time I was at her house there was 12 bottles of cold iced tea chilling in the fridge for me. Her phone would ring ever so often and she refused to answer it. I asked why and she just said “this guy just keeps bugging me for another date”. We would argue over the littlest things and each date ended up in conflict. She neglected to inform me that she has been married 3 times, lived with 2 guys in a 3 year span has no desire to have children, suffers from migraines and is on medication. This chic went through more men then a roll of toilet paper at a Mexican restaurant. This could have been all avoided had I paid closer attention to the contents of her fridge. I am not saying to go through a person’s medicine cabinet in order to determine your potential for cohesiveness……just make a note.
Conflict resolution is a skill that very few can master in a short period of time but observations can be improved quickly. Sticking around way too long, trying to fix existing problems, enlisting help from others may be futile in the early stages of a relationship. Keep in mind that finding a perfect partner is almost next to impossible, so be realistic. A woman once told me to choose my battles, capitulate from time to time to reduce the amount of stress. Occasionally stand your ground, be passionate about something you truly believe in. It may seem like you are giving up your sense of authority but in reality, it will make you less of a control freak and earn more respect. No one ever wins a fight, a good diplomat is a skilled negotiator. With experience comes wisdom and conflict resolution starts with the warning signs.
Compatibility can be achieved with two people who are willing to compromise………..if one refuses, time to move on.
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