How to ask about STD without pandering?

[ryanbo29]

Hey guys..

I'm in a weird quandry..

I've been seeing a girl for about 5 months..We've been having sex all 5.. but about a month ago the condom sort of ended, and we've been having unprotected sex.

We're not officially girl / boy friend.. and I think we're aversive to that. After all, DJ bible says that the guy should never ask for this.. you have to wait for the girl. Problem is, she hasn't, although I can tell she's getting more and more into me.. So basically my question is this..

How do I ask her if she has any STDs? I kinda want to hear her say it without causing drama. And I also sort of feel like if she says she has none, it doesn't matter if she's still banging others.

Anyone have a good idea of how I answer these questions without making it look like I'm needy, etc.

Thanks guys

Ryan

 

[penkitten]

tell her you saw some stuff on the internet about scary stds.

tell her they freaked you out a little and that you want to go get tested together just to be sure.

if she says no, then shes hiding something.

if she says yes, go and get tested.

easy as pie!

 

[arutha]

At this stage its a bit late to be asking lol... Just test yourself, if you do then chances are she does too.

 

[aftershock]

Bring it up in conversation that you do/do not have STDs. She should then volunteer the info.

 

[Bloke]

Just ask her. She may get a little cut at the time, but it's not like your gonna end with you for it. Regardless if she says yes, say you want to take one for both yourselves

 

[darthsidious]

This is where the part where I point and laugh at you while you have AIDS and I laugh at all the other people who got AIDS through sex.

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by arutha
At this stage its a bit late to be asking lol... Just test yourself, if you do then chances are she does too.

I agree. You've been having unprotected sex for a month now - you can ask her but the only logical thing for you to do would be to get tested.

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by ryanbo29

How do I ask her if she has any STDs? I kinda want to hear her say it without causing drama. And I also sort of feel like if she says she has none, it doesn't matter if she's still banging others.

I usually simply ask before the first time, the script goes something like this:

You know, where we are going is kind of cool, and I like the fact that are getting to know each other. I tend to be very very careful about my health, and get tested between each lover, when I haven't been with someone before, and I want to get intimate with them, I prefer to use condoms when possible. My last test was X time ago, and it came out clean. How about you?

Basically

1) I care about my health (that's a good thing)

2) I like you (this question is not an insult)

3) I get tested often (I get some, and I'm responsible about it)

4) I prefer to use condoms (for your health and mine--I'm responsible)

5) I myself have no diseases, (I am safe and clean)

6) How about you?


You start off with the delicate subject by saying I, I, I. Me, Me, Me. First person, so she knows it's not an attack or accusation.

You give her certain criteria to live up to: safe, responsible.

You then put her in a position to respond. I often also ask "Do you test regularly? When was the last time, what were the results?"

I find that if you approach it with an honest and straight forward, no-shame way, that they appreciate it, and then if all is OK, you get to transition into a kiss and move on from there.

That's just my approach.