How to acquire true, long-lasting interest?

[The LadyKiller]

In my dating endeavors, I do ok at getting interest. While I've been on dates, gotten "lucky" a few times and so on, I don't feel I have received high, long-lasting interest from a HB. Allow me to explain.

When I get the ball rolling - and keep it rolling - there are very few problems. Unfortunately, it's impossible for anybody to keep things moving literally all the time. For example, if we're both working or one of us is out of town, there will be some time apart where the ball isn't rolling. Additionally, when something negative happens - being forced to work late, falling ill, saying something dumb - the ball is going to stop, at least temporarily.

Getting back to my point and how this relates to interest: when any obstacle arises that stops the proverbial ball from rolling, HBs I'm involved with leave my life without hesitation and never look back. If I'm going through any sort of rough time, they use it as an excuse to leave. This is not the case for my friends:
- Friend #1 got violently ill after a night out. His gf of a month, who was with us, said she found him adorable.
- Friend #2 got in a drunken fight with his crush (well, only he was drunk) and said she's a stuck-up b*tch and that "everybody hates her." Two months later, they started dating.
- Friend #3 has been dating a girl for a year, but her parents don't see eye-to-eye with him. She chooses my friend over her parents.

In all three cases, the HBs have extremely high interest in my friends and will do anything for them. My friends have all had arguments, fights and conflicts with their gf's, but they get through it together. As I mentioned earlier in the post, HBs immediately leave me at the first bumpy road. It's like the HBs don't believe in me.

Because of these experiences, I feel I need to be perfect or I'm screwed. I realize I'm putting undue pressure on myself by thinking this, but at no point has a HB fought for us. And that's where this comes full circle. No girl I've ever dated has had extremely high, long-lasting interest through thick and thin. They're only interested during the good times.

Am I trying to date the wrong type of girls? Should I only pursue girls who initiate with me (which isn't often)? I'm sick of gaining a little interest, then it all disappearing simply because there's a little bump.

 

[Bingo-Player]

To put it quite simply you need to just stop rolling the “proverbial ball” sounds like your trying way too hard with these girls

Il break it down for you anyway

In all three cases, the HBs have extremely high interest in my friends and will do anything for them. My friends have all had arguments, fights and conflicts with their gf's, but they get through it together..

Yes this is good this is healthy it creates tension and uncertainty all of the above is a womans bread and butter and it will keep her coming back for more time and time again

Ever met a chick thats SO hung up on a guy and you just cannot for the life of you understand why because hes butt ugly and broke ?

Its because he creates drama in her life wether its not doing as hes told , going out and banging other chicks whatever she LOVES it because she can get her teeth into it she can ring all her girlfriends up and complain about him until the sun rises , she can cry and she can shout and scream

But this just makes her want him more and more

If your there bending over backwards trying to create this perfect life for her then shes going to get bored !

It's like the HBs don't believe in me...

they don’t belive you can keep them entertained

I feel I need to be perfect or I'm screwed.

Wrong you need to be as far from “perfect” as you can possibly imagine

Anyway read this over a few times until it starts making sense you will eventually see the light don’t worry

 

[SoSerene]

Am I trying to date the wrong type of girls? Should I only pursue girls who initiate with me (which isn't often)? I'm sick of gaining a little interest, then it all disappearing simply because there's a little bump.

Yeah pretty much.

In order for most relationships to be successful, men have to date DOWN. That means dating someone of lower attractiveness than yourself, unless you have something else to compensate like wealth, status, fame etc.

Girls are constantly bombarded with attention, sexual offers from attractive men and often feel, whether true or not, that they can do better. What's amusing is that they get attention from a hot guy, and they mistake that for interest when most times he's just looking to get laid. But they'll evaluate their own value based on "this hot guy I hooked up with" when really he would never actually date her in the first.

I've dated chicks that were lower than me in terms of value, whether it be looks or wealth or whatever....and they put up with A LOT. But when I date a girl who I feel is at my level, suddenly I'm on thin ice and if anything goes wrong they won't hesitate to look for other options. One thing to do is always keep your options open, once an attractive girl feels she "has you" the game is over, you lost. I've done this several times where I made myself too available from a chick that was very interested, and soon after she didn't wanna go out anymore. Always keep them on their toes.

 

[Tictac]

From what you wrote, you are spending all of your time as a performer. No one can pull,that off 24/7. And everyone will, some sooner, some later, see through that.

Somewhere in-between 'just be yourself' (terrible advice) and never being 'off' is a place where you can be authentic.

 

[MtnMan]

I struggle with this problem to a degree. How old are the women you are dating?

Since trying to get into game, I have dated really only 3 girls for any significant period of time.
girl 1) sort of pissed me off, and I blew her off
girl 2) had high interest but it faded over a couple months
girl 3) had high interest, and kept high interested but was only in the state for 6 weeks, and had to return home (2000 miles away).

-I think part of it might be you trying to hard (i am quite sure that's how I scared off girl 2). Others have outlined above what it takes to really spark a woman's interest and keep it.

-part of it is just chance, not all women are going to fall in love with you unless you are way above normal value

-part of it is the fact that attractive women have d!ck offered to them constantly. Please see explanation by the great Chris Rock
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90qpDg5y7Lo

-part of it is completely inexpiable from an outside perspective. I went out with a hot 28 year old girl last week, had a great time, felt like my game was on point, enthusiastic make-out, great follow up text from her the next day....and radio silence when I tried to get together again. Frustrating, but screw it, onto another one.


If you keep it up, something is bound to stick, but not every girl you date is going to fall in love with you. Try less hard, and see what that does for you.

 

[Sino Zane]

How? Become a high-value man. By doing so, you convey to girls you date that you are desired by other women and have other options, and yet, for some reason, you want the girl you are dating. How do you become a high-value man? You work out and get stylish clothes, work on improving your personality and learning more. You should also become a bit mysterious and not an open book. This will make the women you date feel special and like they've "won" you. This is all that you can control, my friend.

You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be the highest version of yourself if dating is something you wanna become adept at. This requires effort. Again, work out, get a nice haircut, get some stylish clothes, and then start working on chicks. It'll get way easier.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Thanks guys. I keep myself in shape and dress well, working on being 100% authentic will be my next goal. I'm not "fake" by any means, but I'll restrain myself from showing too much emotion in some cases. I try to avoid people seeing they got to me (if they did), so I behave more even-keeled than I probably should.

 

[Huffman]

You work out and get stylish clothes, work on improving your personality and learning more. You should also become a bit mysterious and not an open book.

I've worked on that stuff far too long. I'm now strong and fit, reasonably good looking, have exotic hobbies etc. Nowadays, women seldom refuse to meet me. On a good day, I will get sex if I pursue hard enough. But I have the same problem - their real interest seems not too high.

I think it's because I don't feel a deep connection. I don't fall in love anymore. I still have no clue how to handle a relationship. I can go through all the motions and get laid, but it's not quite natural.

4 days ago I went on a great date with a great girl - still I don't feel the need to see her again. Maybe years of living alone have done that to me

Just suggesting there might be other issues than looks and clothes. Those will get you dates, but not lasting interest. If you solve your problem MSG me, I'm interested.

 

[guru1000]

Keep only women with high IL in your stable; NEXT otherwise.

 

[SgtSplacker]

In my dating endeavors, I do ok at getting interest. While I've been on dates, gotten "lucky" a few times and so on, I don't feel I have received high, long-lasting interest from a HB. Allow me to explain.

When I get the ball rolling - and keep it rolling - there are very few problems. Unfortunately, it's impossible for anybody to keep things moving literally all the time. For example, if we're both working or one of us is out of town, there will be some time apart where the ball isn't rolling. Additionally, when something negative happens - being forced to work late, falling ill, saying something dumb - the ball is going to stop, at least temporarily.

Getting back to my point and how this relates to interest: when any obstacle arises that stops the proverbial ball from rolling, HBs I'm involved with leave my life without hesitation and never look back. If I'm going through any sort of rough time, they use it as an excuse to leave. This is not the case for my friends:
- Friend #1 got violently ill after a night out. His gf of a month, who was with us, said she found him adorable.
- Friend #2 got in a drunken fight with his crush (well, only he was drunk) and said she's a stuck-up b*tch and that "everybody hates her." Two months later, they started dating.
- Friend #3 has been dating a girl for a year, but her parents don't see eye-to-eye with him. She chooses my friend over her parents.

In all three cases, the HBs have extremely high interest in my friends and will do anything for them. My friends have all had arguments, fights and conflicts with their gf's, but they get through it together. As I mentioned earlier in the post, HBs immediately leave me at the first bumpy road.It's like the HBs don't believe in me

Because of these experiences, I feel I need to be perfect or I'm screwed I realize I'm putting undue pressure on myself by thinking this, but at no point has a HB fought for us. And that's where this comes full circle. No girl I've ever dated has had extremely high, long-lasting interest through thick and thin. They're only interested during the good times.

Am I trying to date the wrong type of girls? Should I only pursue girls who initiate with me (which isn't often)? I'm sick of gaining a little interest, then it all disappearing simply because there's a little bump.

Your problems are highlighted in bold. Never give a woman what she want's, and that's you. Always be aloof and out of reach, always make them suffer when you can and they will keep coming back trying to get what they want. Never give it to them..

Think about something you have really wanted in the past. Before you got it you would do anything to have it right. But after you get it the magic wears off quickly right? This is the game you play, walk the fine line between unattainable and attainable. And you can keep it going forever because you make it fun with drinks and frolic.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Never give a woman what she want's, and that's you. Always be aloof and out of reach, always make them suffer when you can and they will keep coming back trying to get what they want. Never give it to them.

You're probably right. In my case, however, I've played the "aloof" game before and it goes nowhere. When I disappear for a period of time, I don't get the "LadyKiller where are you???" type of texts from HBs. Everyone simply goes on with their lives, or so it seems.

 

[Poop1337]

Was your friend who called his gf a dumb ***** being aloof? No he was being a ****. You just need to be you man. I like to pick on girls a little call them nerd or loser. Do you think you would enjoy being a little mean to a girl. Could you enjoy upsetting a girl. Try it out. The key is being yourself... The most alpha version of course

 

[The LadyKiller]

Was your friend who called his gf a dumb ***** being aloof? No he was being a ****. You just need to be you man.

He was terrified. He called me the next morning in horror over what he drunkenly texted. The girl asked me if I knew anything about it, and I helped put everyone at ease. They talked it over, but she realized that he was being a drunk moron and there was no meaning behind it.

Then again, if I were in my friend's shoes, history suggests the girl wouldn't be as forgiving. That was part of my point - my friends tend to get themselves in some dumb situation and their girl sticks with them. I make one minor lapse in judgment and it's over. A couple of girls have held grudges against me in the past year or two, but when our mutual friends ask why, the girl can't come up with a reason. "Just because."

One point someone mentioned earlier in the thread stuck in my head. While I feel I'm "real" with people - I'm not afraid to tell the truth, I don't play games, etc. - people might think I'm fake. In fact, a lot of people I know are fake - some very fake - but I'm the one not seen as genuine. Not sure how to appear more real when I already am.

 

[Governator]

i have problems with this too.

 

[PokerStar]

I thought about this obstacle a few times and the only answer i came up with is that, you didnt match up to what they thought you were going to be.

I could be wrong but I think they draw up an image of you in their heads and if you dont come close to what they have imagined, they tend to lose interest.

But who cares really? you had your fun now, next.

 

[Poop1337]

You have a bad mindset. Make sure you're making approaches etc. doing the work. Read the blog The Rational Male and in the menu go to the best of year one. Read it all.

With girls I've had long relationships with I often messed up big in the begging too. Girls like jerks even if it's a beta mistake. Also think of it this way if you do something stupid like crap your pants and a girl still wants to date you chances are she must really really like you a lot. So when I messed up big early but a girl wanted to date me still that means she likes me a lot.

Realize though that to these women 1 day or one decade and 3 kids doesn't make a difference to them. They can and will **** you over given the right set of circumstances. Even the good ones. The bad ones are just more obvious about it and cmon man you deserve to get fcked over if you trust a single mom or other **** carousel veteran after encountering this material.