How to accept things the way they are

[Testosteronize me]

I've been reading the posts on this forum, including the DJ Bible for more than a year now and something is bothering me, preventing me to get started, to make something of my life, to take action.

You see, I can't stop thinking and it's holding me back. I've always been a thinker. For as long as I can remember I've been asking myself all kinds of questions about life and death, the universe, scientific things and lately about women. It's becoming so severe that I'm thinking about these things 24/7, which recently made me depressed and drop out of university.

I feel I need a conclusion, a final answer, some way of looking at things that will put my mind to sleep.

I have a hard time living with the idea that men need to fulfill certain requirement (game, looks, money, social proof, status and what not) in order get women. I have a hard time living with the idea that men need to be this and that and need to do this and that, that girls have all sorts of things they want in a man, while girls just sit on their ass without dreams, without fancy clothes, without talent, without status or game or even looks, but still judging everyone else (although I'm being a bit judgemental right now as well). I have a hard time with feeling like a slave to my need to have sex and women. Especially since I'm turning 22 without ever having touched a girl, there's not a minute in my life I don't think about women, while I don't want to. I have a hard time with not finding answers to questions like 'why does the universe exists?' Every morning, every evening I get out or in bed without a definitive answer or thought. I have a hard with not being able to stop making up all sort of theories about all sorts of phenomena in the world. I don't want to think about these things anymore, I don't want to read this forum anymore, but somehow I keep coming back and I keep thinking.

It's not as easy as 'just stop doing it', because it just happens. I'm walking down the street without thinking for 5 minutes and suddenly I begin saying things to my self about the world, about people, about women. If I don't think, or if I deny myself acces to this forum, I feel like I'm missing out on vital information and that I'm being ignorant, while I know this is irrational thinking.

I just wonder if any of you guys found some sort of closure to all your questions? Some way of thinking that makes you let go of all your questions, all your theories, all your bitterness, hate and thoughts about unfairness?

 

[Accension]

Yes and this certainly made me content: validate yourself.
Think about that.

 

[Testosteronize me]

Yes and this certainly made me content: validate yourself.
Think about that.

I thought about it, but from my point of view, these questions arise from respecting myself.

 

[Aiken_Drum]

I think it's fairly easy:

Women work by responding to certain characteristics in men (dominant behavior, power, manliness in general).

If you don't have it, you'll get lower quality goods. If you do, you'll get better ones.

It's the same the other way around, the more attractive, smart, funny, easy going a woman is, the more suitors she will have.

You don't like the women you are getting? Give them a better men!
It works (guaranteed ).
Routines & all those techniques are ways to construct confidence in your approaches, but true confidence comes from knowing that YOU have this X amount of qualities women find attractive.

I've worked in myself for a LONG time, and I can tell you which qualities women in general find attractive about myself. From a rational place, not arrogance.

So, in short, want better results, offer something better.
It's different saying "I'm not good enough" that saying "I can offer something better".
It's delusional to expect to nail a 9.5 chick, while you live as a lazy, no life, couch potato.

 

[RayHessel]

I know where you're coming from but I can't say that I've just stopped thinking about some of the things that you mentioned. I will say, however, that I at least understand that all we can really do is live in the present because there is no real point in constantly thinking about the future or the past or just things we can't control in general.

Unless you plan on doing something as significant as splitting the atom your constant thinking about these questions that everyone thinks about from time to time really won't do a lot of good. Remember to live in the now and enjoy life, not always try to study it and forget what it means to live.

And sometimes I set aside time to do something lighthearted to take my mind off of things, like watch some of my favorite comedies and just hang out with my friends doing whatever.

 

[CaptainJ]

Stop thinking, and start taking action.

This is the simple cure to being stuck inside your head. When you make productive use of your time, you stop living the fantasy world of your thoughts, and start experiencing real life.

Stop being a coward, there is no excuse to stay passive when you have all the necessary information here to grab life by the balls and tug away.

Edit: Just want to say I used to be a debilitated "Thinker" like you. I still am a thinker in a sense, but I am learning to turn my thoughts into reality, and to seek out those questions I need answering. Stop wondering if you can be rich and successful, a ladies man or a good sportsman, just starting working towards those thoughts.

 

[Blaise]

I thought about it, but from my point of view, these questions arise from respecting myself.

Nuh uh. No way does that come from respecting yourself. To me, its actually the reverse.

I am 20 years old and also like you, have been a thinker/observer ALL my life. About everything from little bugs crawling on the gate to God and to parallel worlds. I drove myself nuts for two years and had major drug problems and bad depression. My problem was I kept giving myself to everyone because I wanted people to need me, but i reality I needed them. Why?

because I didn't LOVE myself. It took cutting everything off/people leaving my life to realize I NEED to love myself.

From your post, I feel like women are the end all be all to your problems, I too once thought this, but now I know its not. You are looking for comfort in the intimacy of a woman to fix your need. Instead you should be using all that thought/desire energy in loving yourself.

You are all you need in your life. You need to APPRECIATE/BE THANKFUL (and i don't say you do, or you wouldn't be having these problems) and be HAPPY you are ALIVE, have a healthy body, and the ability to do anything you want. This is the only thing that should keep you going and have a smile on your face.

Women and everything else just decorates the core I mentioned above. they are second and unnecessary. Once you see this, ever thing will flow and so will your thoughts. It did mine. Also the intimacy and stuff, I already had that, its not really worth it. At least I haven't found someone who I can live my life with.

Just my two cents, good luck.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

I've been reading the posts on this forum, including the DJ Bible for more than a year now and something is bothering me, preventing me to get started, to make something of my life, to take action.

So according to you, your problem is thinking?

You see, I can't stop thinking and it's holding me back. I've always been a thinker. For as long as I can remember I've been asking myself all kinds of questions about life and death, the universe, scientific things and lately about women. It's becoming so severe that I'm thinking about these things 24/7, which recently made me depressed and drop out of university.

Okay this was a HUGE mistake. Your thoughts will be able to grow stronger with more alone time, and go nowhere because you have no outlet for your ideas.

If you're working on a degree, you need to go back to school.

If there's ever a place where you can think freely, it's college. Not so much in high school, but very much so in college. And this isn't even about women anymore....if you're trying to find your purpose in life or whatever, go find it and go back to school.

I feel I need a conclusion, a final answer, some way of looking at things that will put my mind to sleep.

No, it seems to me like you need a new way of thinking!
I am going to share with you a new perspective on your life, and your thoughts.

Imagine that everything you thought was true in your life wasn't completely true. What if some of your beliefs were only true if someone were to live their life EXACTLY the way you do. In order to become you, one would only have to think and believe what you do right now.

Now think a little deeper about this next one-What if you are creating these thoughts about life and the universe for yourself? What if a lot of the time you are actually wrong, but unconscious forces make you believe you're right?

If you know what's true, then you must know what isn't true. Everything else but the truth, right? That would make you God wouldn't it? But we both can agree that you're not God, because if you were, you wouldn't have put yourself in this situation in the first place!

Alright, now take a little time to think about all of that. Take a break from thinking about the universe, think about yourself and how what I just wrote relates to you and your life.

It's not as easy as 'just stop doing it', because it just happens...
I just wonder if any of you guys found some sort of closure to all your questions? Some way of thinking that makes you let go of all your questions, all your theories, all your bitterness, hate and thoughts about unfairness?

So you've never touched a girl, huh? Well go out and touch one!
(I know you know better than to touch a stranger sexually, but if it's a girl you know, put your arm around her waist or neck, hold her hand, give her a hug...just do it!)

The only thing stopping you, is YOU.
So stop yourself from stopping yourself!

Sounds crazy, huh?

 

[Danton1975]

I will advice you two things:

1. Think all you want (it's a good trait) but give it a confine of 1 HR. Take 1 HR off each evening and think about important things in your life. Think on paper. After you are done, it's time for action. After all, you always have another full hr to think tomorrow.

2. Set some goals. Long term, short term. The reason you are spinning around aimlessly is because you have no clear idea where you are going. Get some clarity and forget the universal life and death issues. I don't know whether we have all the facts to deal with them. When a tree blooms it doesn't question life, when its leaves fall, it doesn't question death. Yes we have a brain and can't help of thinking such things, but the trouble is we start so big. Start with what you understand and grasp easily like...the meadow is made of dirt and grass, the chair has 4 legs, the stone is grey and cold to the touch. Philosophy is the amusement of the rich...the rest of us, we need to get going...fast. Think like a peasant or a farmer...think simply. You do not like your current condition? Then, may I suggest you get on a different plan which you like and fits you better. Months and years are too long to operate on the wrong plan.

 

[snowdog]

This is something that can help anyone:
http://www.sedona.com/

It's a technique that teaches you to let go of your mental blocks and stuff that's holding you back. It's pretty simple and wicked effective.

If you're short on cash, I'm sure it's floating around on the Internet as well.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

I hear sedona is good, but yet to find the time to fully get into it.

I have the full series, its over 9hrs of material.

Try meditation.....try downloading adyashanti - true meditation. its really good.

 

[snowdog]

I have it on my MP3 player and just put it in my ear when I go to bed. I listen 20-30 mins or so every night. It works for me.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Snowdog, is Sedona anything like Holosync?

 

[Testosteronize me]

Thnx guys, it does seem to get a little better when I just take action instead of sitting around. It's a vicious circle of inaction leads to more inaction.

Snowdog, I really appreciate your suggestion, but I don't think I can handle anymore theory or bootcamp-like assignments. I shoud just get on and live my life.

Danton, the 1hr thing could work for me. It might even be better to just think when I have to sit around anyway, like when cooking dinner.

It's true that I feel I need a woman to be happy and it's also true that I don't know what I want exactly. Or at least, the thing I want doesn't seem to be possible. I'm getting my degree in mediastudies, but I'm scared as hell to be stuck in an office all day. I would really like to do a combination of physical and intelligent activity, but I don't think such a job exists. And in the mean time I'm doing all sorts of creative things as a hobby and hoping to turn it into a job some day, but still don't know how. So that's why my life purpose is vague or almost non-existent.

Secondly, I think needing women is like needing a cheese sandwhich when you never ate one before. Sure, a cheese sandwich is nothing special, but if you never had one and everyone talks about it, you sure as hell want a cheese sandwich too. How to ignore a cheese sandwich if you get confronted with it everyday? In class, at work, in public transport, everyone seems to talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and sex. Fine, I'll read a newspaper then. Guess what? I read that the government wants less singles. Ok, I'll just look outside the window. Guess what? Huge billboard with hot chicks from companies trying to sell me sh*t. It bugs me.

 

[Danton1975]

Secondly, I think needing women is like needing a cheese sandwhich when you never ate one before. Sure, a cheese sandwich is nothing special, but if you never had one and everyone talks about it, you sure as hell want a cheese sandwich too. How to ignore a cheese sandwich if you get confronted with it everyday? In class, at work, in public transport, everyone seems to talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and sex. Fine, I'll read a newspaper then. Guess what? I read that the government wants less singles. Ok, I'll just look outside the window. Guess what? Huge billboard with hot chicks from companies trying to sell me sh*t. It bugs me.

Okay. I can understand that. It's kind of hard not to think about it when it's on your mind constantly. What I'm going to recommend may be a bit unorthodox but it may help you.

1. Pay for it (I am not saying become a regular customer) but for once it's okay. Just be safe.

2. Lower your sights...You don't have to go for a super model right away. It's actually good to build up to that anyway as when you do land the super hot girls you'll have the experience to keep them around longer if you chose to. Lowering your sights will mean more girls will become available to you immediately.


Right now you just need to get laid to get that off your mind and the above 2 methods will help you get there faster. Once you fu*k a girl, you won't be afraid to die without having "done it."

 

[Testosteronize me]

Secondly, I think needing women is like needing a cheese sandwhich when you never ate one before. Sure, a cheese sandwich is nothing special, but if you never had one and everyone talks about it, you sure as hell want a cheese sandwich too. How to ignore a cheese sandwich if you get confronted with it everyday? In class, at work, in public transport, everyone seems to talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and sex. Fine, I'll read a newspaper then. Guess what? I read that the government wants less singles. Ok, I'll just look outside the window. Guess what? Huge billboard with hot chicks from companies trying to sell me sh*t. It bugs me.

Okay. I can understand that. It's kind of hard not to think about it when it's on your mind constantly. What I'm going to recommend may be a bit unorthodox but it may help you.

1. Pay for it (I am not saying become a regular customer) but for once it's okay. Just be safe.

2. Lower your sights...You don't have to go for a super model right away. It's actually good to build up to that anyway as when you do land the super hot girls you'll have the experience to keep them around longer if you chose to. Lowering your sights will mean more girls will become available to you immediately.


Right now you just need to get laid to get that off your mind and the above 2 methods will help you get there faster. Once you fu*k a girl, you won't be afraid to die without having "done it."

I'm sure you mean well, but although I'm desperate, I still have my pride. Method 1 would destroy me. Furthermore, I talk to all kinds of people. Men, women, super hot women and big elephant women. No succes with any kind of woman, so I guess there are 2 things to do:

1 keep being bugged by lack of succes and turn that desperation into even more action, hoping that this will get me at least one ugly fat f*ck in my life.

2 If I turn 65 and still lack succes, I will use all my saved money and borrow lots of money in addition to screw 10.000 hookers in one year. Then kill myself after I´m done.

 

[Testosteronize me]

So according to you, your problem is thinking?


Okay this was a HUGE mistake. Your thoughts will be able to grow stronger with more alone time, and go nowhere because you have no outlet for your ideas.

If you're working on a degree, you need to go back to school.

If there's ever a place where you can think freely, it's college. Not so much in high school, but very much so in college. And this isn't even about women anymore....if you're trying to find your purpose in life or whatever, go find it and go back to school.


No, it seems to me like you need a new way of thinking!
I am going to share with you a new perspective on your life, and your thoughts.

Imagine that everything you thought was true in your life wasn't completely true. What if some of your beliefs were only true if someone were to live their life EXACTLY the way you do. In order to become you, one would only have to think and believe what you do right now.

Now think a little deeper about this next one-What if you are creating these thoughts about life and the universe for yourself? What if a lot of the time you are actually wrong, but unconscious forces make you believe you're right?

If you know what's true, then you must know what isn't true. Everything else but the truth, right? That would make you God wouldn't it? But we both can agree that you're not God, because if you were, you wouldn't have put yourself in this situation in the first place!

Alright, now take a little time to think about all of that. Take a break from thinking about the universe, think about yourself and how what I just wrote relates to you and your life.


So you've never touched a girl, huh? Well go out and touch one!
(I know you know better than to touch a stranger sexually, but if it's a girl you know, put your arm around her waist or neck, hold her hand, give her a hug...just do it!)

The only thing stopping you, is YOU.
So stop yourself from stopping yourself!

Sounds crazy, huh?

Are you saying that thinking is way of satisfying the ego?

 

[Bladerunner]

I just wonder if any of you guys found some sort of closure to all your questions? Some way of thinking that makes you let go of all your questions, all your theories, all your bitterness, hate and thoughts about unfairness?

Yeah, actually. Two ways.

1. I stopped seeking "closure" and learned to love the new questions and revelations each path/theory brought.

2. I tried putting things into practice, and saw that they worked or didn't work. If they worked, I asked myself why they worked and how they could work even better in the future; if they didn't work, I asked myself if the technique was flawed or if I just implemented it poorly, and if so, how to fix that. I then filed this information away.

I learned to let go of all the questions, theories, bitterness, etc. by having my eyes open a bit wider all the time and loving the expanding view. Hell, if I had to use an analogy, it'd be like being in the Matrix and being able to see a few new lines of code every so often, and using those to find the next few lines of code that reveal the Truth behind everything.

Also, I'm in the Mood really hit upon something there. Direct your mental energy towards the great enigma of yourself, not the enigma of the Universe. You have so much potential to unlock in yourself, but you have to point the key of your mind at it first.

 

[snowdog]

Snowdog, is Sedona anything like Holosync?

No, it's sorta self-hypnosis that learns you to let go of the things that block you.

 

[DanelMadr]

You need to stop or you burn. Every time you start thinking tell yourself "Fvck it all".

You won't figure the world out. It is chaos theory...ever changing dynamics...too many variables. You figure it out when you stop trying to figure it out. Let it flow.
The universe is infinite, you need to look only in the scope you need. You can't use quantum mechanics principles when trying to drive a car.

Good advice to give it one hour a day.
Thinking is good but don't think too much or too often. Eventually you get mad and end up in sanitarium...lots of "thinkers" there. One hour a day is fine.

And another important think. Your FEAR makes you think that you have to figure out every detail before you can embrace the world. Even if you figured it out your brain would find another excuse for avoiding the pain.
It is bullshyt. You don't have to fear anything. Just Man the fvck Up and start to live.

If you don't you become seriously depressed, paranoid and crazy.