The benefit of having female friends is that they’re a great source of relationship advice and for confirming my DJ research. Earlier today I was speaking to a female friend on the subject and I’ve decided to transcribe the important content of our conversation:
Me: What do you look for in a man?
Her: Good looks and sex appeal.
Me: Sure you do to begin with, but what do you look for in a serious relationship.
Her: Mutual respect, love. Someone who is romantic and makes me feel wanted and secure.
Me: So your ideal partner would be someone who cares for you, can look after you and makes you feel needed?
Her: Yes.
Me: I think you’re wrong about that.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Let me tell you what I think. Anything that is hard to get you treat with more value than something you already have. I think if you got what you wanted from a man you’d lose interest in him and take him for granted.
Her: I suppose so.
Me: It’s like money. The more you have, the less value you place on it. The less you have, the more you desire it and the harder you work for it. It’s like that with anything. You set yourself an ambition and it’s the pursuit of your desires that keeps your interest.
Her: Good point and I see where you are going. I suppose you are right. If a man gave me everything, the novelty would wear off.
Me: I do believe you want security and respect, but you thrive on the actual chase rather than the end goal.
Her: Yes, but I’d have to see the potential in him to begin with. I wouldn’t chase any man.
Me: I understand that. The potential you see acts as a lure, right?
Her: Yes, but it has to be within reach. If a guy totally disrespects me or never shows me any attention I’ll cut my losses and give up. I think any self-respecting woman would do the same.
Me: So you want a man who promises to satisfy everything you want, but is slightly out of reach? You just like to be teased!
Her: <laughs> Ok, I surrender, you have me figured out.
Me: Seriously, you like to be teased don’t you?
Her: If that’s what you call it.
Me: How would you define it then?
Her: Are we talking sexually or in the long term?
Me: I think it applies to both. Why won’t you admit it?
Her: <laughs again> A woman never likes to reveal her cards.
Me: You didn’t reveal them, I sussed them out.
Her: In that case I can’t hide anything.
<Our conversation trailed into a lighthearted sexist debate from this point>
In the end she had to agree with me. From what I’ve been learning and what this conversation confirms, is that when women tell you what they want they are not necessarily lying, but they thrive on the pursuit of getting it. To win a woman’s interest you need to show her you have the potential to fulfill her desires and then stay slightly out of reach – just enough to tease her. Too far out of reach and she’ll give up the chase, too close and she’ll have nothing left to pursue.
Or to use another metaphor: Think about being a child. Wasn’t Christmas Eve infinitely more exciting than Boxing day? All you can think of during Christmas Eve is getting your presents. It totally overtakes your mind and stirs your imagination. But come Boxing day, you have what you want, the anticipation is over, you’ve played with your toys and now it’s time to get on with life.
Me: What do you look for in a man?
Her: Good looks and sex appeal.
Me: Sure you do to begin with, but what do you look for in a serious relationship.
Her: Mutual respect, love. Someone who is romantic and makes me feel wanted and secure.
Me: So your ideal partner would be someone who cares for you, can look after you and makes you feel needed?
Her: Yes.
Me: I think you’re wrong about that.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Let me tell you what I think. Anything that is hard to get you treat with more value than something you already have. I think if you got what you wanted from a man you’d lose interest in him and take him for granted.
Her: I suppose so.
Me: It’s like money. The more you have, the less value you place on it. The less you have, the more you desire it and the harder you work for it. It’s like that with anything. You set yourself an ambition and it’s the pursuit of your desires that keeps your interest.
Her: Good point and I see where you are going. I suppose you are right. If a man gave me everything, the novelty would wear off.
Me: I do believe you want security and respect, but you thrive on the actual chase rather than the end goal.
Her: Yes, but I’d have to see the potential in him to begin with. I wouldn’t chase any man.
Me: I understand that. The potential you see acts as a lure, right?
Her: Yes, but it has to be within reach. If a guy totally disrespects me or never shows me any attention I’ll cut my losses and give up. I think any self-respecting woman would do the same.
Me: So you want a man who promises to satisfy everything you want, but is slightly out of reach? You just like to be teased!
Her: <laughs> Ok, I surrender, you have me figured out.
Me: Seriously, you like to be teased don’t you?
Her: If that’s what you call it.
Me: How would you define it then?
Her: Are we talking sexually or in the long term?
Me: I think it applies to both. Why won’t you admit it?
Her: <laughs again> A woman never likes to reveal her cards.
Me: You didn’t reveal them, I sussed them out.
Her: In that case I can’t hide anything.
<Our conversation trailed into a lighthearted sexist debate from this point>
In the end she had to agree with me. From what I’ve been learning and what this conversation confirms, is that when women tell you what they want they are not necessarily lying, but they thrive on the pursuit of getting it. To win a woman’s interest you need to show her you have the potential to fulfill her desires and then stay slightly out of reach – just enough to tease her. Too far out of reach and she’ll give up the chase, too close and she’ll have nothing left to pursue.
Or to use another metaphor: Think about being a child. Wasn’t Christmas Eve infinitely more exciting than Boxing day? All you can think of during Christmas Eve is getting your presents. It totally overtakes your mind and stirs your imagination. But come Boxing day, you have what you want, the anticipation is over, you’ve played with your toys and now it’s time to get on with life.
