How strictly are you guys following the rules?

[Phoenix]

It's my take on things that relationships start off sexually and then on your own terms you may progress into a romantic relationship, well guys I've found a girl I'm crazy about It's become completely obvious over the last two months that a lot of the behaviours that I've adopted to pick up aren't that great for keeping them.

What's your thoughts on the shift of attitude from sexual to romantic relationships?

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I've just gotten back with my ex-girlfriend, hell we were only together for 5 weeks and she dumped me because we didn't see each other enough and I wouldn't listen to her, she can be a royal *****. I can't lie and say it was out of the blue because honestly I saw it coming. 4 weeks passed and communication was minimal except for weekends when she got soft.. sometimes telling me how much she missed me. As each week went by her breakdowns got worse, she would tell me she missed me and I would pretend I had forgotten her name haha, but now there was anger in her emotions because I kept pushing her away. I am crazy about the girl though so we met up last night and got back together.
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[Kevin Feng]

The most important question to ask yourself is what you got into the game begin with for.

When I first got into pick up, I spent a lot of time with Johnny Wolf who works for ABC's of Attraction and I think one of the most inspirational things I saw him do was just simply date a girl. He had this super gorgeous blonde that was from the midwest and was really down to earth and I asked him, "what are you going to do with her", and he said, well honestly, I like her a lot and I think I'll just date her exclusively.

I thought that was so cool, since in the pick up community its all about the numbers and it really doesn't condone relationships which was the real reason I got into pick up to begin with.

Just remember your original goals when you get into pick up, if you attain them, as far as I'm concerned, you win.

-Kevin

 

[Captain]

I follow the "rules" because over time they've become a part of who I am (e.g. not being AFC, being hard to get, teasing, push-pull.) I do a lot of it without thinking about it now.

AFC behaviour feels weird to me now, it's not good for me and it doesn't feel good for me, so I don't do it.

A romantic relationship should be also sexual at the same time, and it doesn't have to be exclusive. It shouldn't really be exclusive, I'm not a fan of exclusive relationships.

I've noticed something with ladies' men and exclusive relationships. They often eventually find "the one", or a woman they "love". They say that she is different, and that the attraction is something they've never felt before. Because they think it's different, they go back to AFC mode. See here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160140

You don't stop doing what works.

 

[Phoenix]

My goal was to sleep with twelve women a year. I'm gonna ride this one out and see where she takes me... my record length for a relationship is two months, we made it five weeks the first time haha lets see how we go in round two.

 

[mothballs]

I know my advice is gonna go against some of the stuff that's preached on here, but relationships are different than "picking up chicks".

Picking up women is a totally different art than keeping them around. You can't just play games all the time, you gotta start getting serious eventually. You don't need to not talk to her, you don't need to pretend you're super busy and try to make her jealous or feel that you are higher value than her. Those games are to get a woman intrigued by you. Once you get that woman interested, it takes a different skill set to keep her.

You can get rid of a girlfriend by not talking to her on the phone enough, not seeing her enough, not listening to her, not complimenting her, not doing romantic things. How do you keep her? Find reasons to tell her she's pretty several times a week, every once in a while buy her some flowers for no reason, let her ramble on the phone at you, listen to things she says and commit them to memory so you can reference them later on to let her know you care about what she says (even if you don't)... these are things, if done with good timing and/or good technique will keep her coming back for more. These things sound AFC, but the trick is in the delivery and to not be an AFC in your other behaviors, you should still tease her, still do things she doesn't expect, still act like a man and still be "mysterious" to a degree.

Also, in reference to the OP, if you put romance first and foremost on the agenda instead of sex, the sex will come naturally. There's no need to try to go from sexual to romantic, simply to be romantic and benefit from the great sex that results.

 

[Captain]

I'll assume this post is about exclusive relationships. I don't like them myself, but I'll add my thoughts and experiences.

You don't need to not talk to her, you don't need to pretend you're super busy and try to make her jealous or feel that you are higher value than her.

It's still important to keep looking like you're in high demand (or better yet, be in high demand and be admired by other women.) A little jealousy in your girlfriend is good, it'll stop her from getting complacent and taking you for granted. Often, women in relationships will start to take their man for granted, for example, wanting to have less sex, not dressing as well.

Those games are to get a woman intrigued by you. Once you get that woman interested, it takes a different skill set to keep her.

Not really, it's more the same skills, but some of them toned down a little bit.

You can get rid of a girlfriend by not talking to her on the phone enough, not seeing her enough, not listening to her, not complimenting her, not doing romantic things.

You can compliment women you are casually dating, so long as it's not done in a boring AFC manner.

The mindset that you need to act different to keep a woman has been the downfall of many ladies' men. Remember, there's a REASON she is in the relationship with YOU, don't get rid of that reason.

How do you keep her? Find reasons to tell her she's pretty several times a week, every once in a while buy her some flowers for no reason, let her ramble on the phone at you,)

Compliments are good when done well and not in an AFC manner.

listen to things she says and commit them to memory so you can reference them later on to let her know you care about what she says (even if you don't

If what she is saying is boring to you, you don't have to act like you care (unless maybe her mum just died.) If you were dating a woman, and she was raving on about something boring, what would you do? Exactly. You wouldn't be letting her go on and on about it. Being in a relationship DOES NOT mean you should compromise.

these are things, if done with good timing and/or good technique will keep her coming back for more. These things sound AFC, but the trick is in the delivery and to not be an AFC in your other behaviors, you should still tease her, still do things she doesn't expect, still act like a man and still be "mysterious" to a degree

Good timing is always important.

Overall, a fair post, I just wanted to clarify some of it in case some poor chump in a relationship saw this post and misread it, thinking he should shower her in compliments and compromise, etc.

 

[mothballs]

Overall, a fair post, I just wanted to clarify some of it in case some poor chump in a relationship saw this post and misread it, thinking he should shower her in compliments and compromise, etc.

Some good points, you're right it's more like toning down the skills used to hook a woman rather than a different set. It is always important in an LTR to keep yourself in "demand" so she doesn't go looking for what's better, but you shouldn't act like she's not important to you... that's basically what I was meant on that point.

 

[Phoenix]

Cool guys, was interested to see what you guys thought. This girl won't hang around if I keep playing as hard as I was originally, didn't know whether that was a red-flag or not... At first I was terrified of commitment to a relationship because it meant a stop to all this stuff we work so hard for... but then I thought - well no reason not to keep buying books and practicing anyway they're all skills you use elsewhere... picking up women is one of the smallest self improvements I've made from learning with-in the pickup community.

That and much more guaranteed sex. Nice.