How soon is "too soon" for a date after the call?

[#41]

Simple question really -- when setting up a date in the early stages of things (1st / 2nd time out), how soon is "too soon" for plans to be made?

For example, if you call on a Monday, how soon is too soon for the suggested date time? Would it be bad forum to make plans for as soon as Wednesday, or would that fall into that 'making it seem like you have no life' category?

 

[thedeparted]

Well have you consulted The Rules for Men?

It's clear that a gentleman cannot ask out a lady on a Monday that is the second Monday of the month, or one which follows a midnight mass, or a full moon. He may ask her on Tuesday for a Thursday, if the evening will involve nothing more than tea or coffe -- any form of lawn tournament, such as croquet, is strictly forbidden. But she must be returned before sundown.

In your particular case, you'll likely wish to engage the services of an escort -- an aunt, perhaps, or an older lady in waiting -- in which case you CAN inquire as to her availability for a mid-morning engagement within a 48 hour period. The catch, of course, dear fellow, is that BOTH the escort and the lady in question must acqiesce.

Good chap, I'd have to say you're really in a spell here. It just enough to make one dizzy, is it not?

P.S. Lucky for us we live in the 21st century America, not fvcking Victorian England or whatever, so you can just go ahead and call her up already, tell her you're having a drink at such and such a place, and she ought to get there before you go home with the hot bartender. I mean, go crazy with it man. :crazy:

 

[iqqi]

I personally think it looks better when you make a date for a day coming up soon. I myself can't be bothered with making plans for anything almost a week or more away.

Some of my more recent "dates" have been last minute, or plans for the next day. Once I made one on a sunday for the following Wednesday, to me that was planning far ahead.

 

[jophil28]

call her up already, tell her you're having a drink at such and such a place, and she ought to get there before you go home with the hot bartender. I mean, go crazy with it man. :crazy:

ha ! Nice one ..I think that these 'rules' about waiting for three days (or thirty days? ) is nonsense. Way too much David D.. BY all means plan ahead and fit her into your schedule ( if you have one ) BUT all this strategizing reminds me of high schoolers planning "just the right time" to ask the hot cheerleader to the prom.
The trick is to plan a date with her which indicates your INTEREST without coming off as desperate for female company. NOw that is a tight rope to walk sometimes . However women LIKE men who like them but they also dislike men who NEED them. Curious cattle ain't they ?

Here is a rough guide that works for me .
Meet hot woman on the weekend .. Get digits and email. Send C&F email MOnday or Tuesday . Banter a bit back and forth for a day to amp up her interest then CALL her about Wednesday to set up a date the next weekend (Friday preferably ) .. DO NOT ask her out via email - that has a 90% flake rate. Call her on the Thomas Edison.

( I feel like I am teaching you to suck eggs here )

 

[iqqi]

Here is a rough guide that works for me .
Meet hot woman on the weekend .. Get digits and email. Send C&F email MOnday or Tuesday . Banter a bit back and forth for a day to amp up her interest then CALL her about Wednesday to set up a date the next weekend (Friday preferably ) .. DO NOT ask her out via email - that has a 90% flake rate. Call her on the Thomas Edison.

This is sound advice, and you probably won't find any better rough guide.

Most guys that get anywhere with me, do something like this.

 

[thedeparted]

Call her on the Thomas Edison.

That is old school charm. I think I'm gonna steal that for a number close. Like, "Hey, I'm gonna call you on the Thomas Edison, so let me get your #" or something..." Did you ever do that?

 

[STR8UP]

Some of my more recent "dates" have been last minute, or plans for the next day. Once I made one on a sunday for the following Wednesday, to me that was planning far ahead.

Which is exactly why my latest policy is "three hours notice". Give a chick more than three hours notice, and unless her interest level is through the roof, you run a high risk of flaking.

As flaky, rude, and inconsiderate as people are nowadays, trying to set up "date night" is just asking to get your time wasted.

Once a chick has proven herself reliable (once she has sufficient interest level), THEN you can relax the rules a bit. Until then, she's on YOUR time.

 

[romangod]

.. Call her on the Thomas Edison.

................ or the A. Graham Bell.



Cheers!

 

[logic1]

I personally think it looks better when you make a date for a day coming up soon. I myself can't be bothered with making plans for anything almost a week or more away.

Some of my more recent "dates" have been last minute, or plans for the next day. Once I made one on a sunday for the following Wednesday, to me that was planning far ahead.

I have always considered this type of behaviour questionable. I feel this is a major red flag in a persons make-up. I have always had trouble with a women like this.

Str8up mentions the same thing. Very last minute plans.

I'm not knocking this but what is the opinions of others?

I can always do things on the spur of the moment but most of the times things work better with a couple of days planned ahead. My way of life fits this better.

What about everybody else? any thoughts?

 

[jophil28]

That is old school charm. I think I'm gonna steal that for a number close. Like, "Hey, I'm gonna call you on the Thomas Edison, so let me get your #" or something..." Did you ever do that?

Yeah , I like that slightly cheesy Olde Worlde stuff. Kind of crusty, but cute in its quaintness..

Here is an alternative banter from Australian ' rhyming slang' -

You say , " Write down your number so I can call you on the 'Eau de cologne ' ".

SHe, " What ?"

You. " Eau d' cologne - it rhymes with phone , Get it ?"

She laughs ." Oh - I do get it -thats funny ."

You," Yeah. It is how they talk 'down under . It's called 'rhyming slang ".

( She looks at you in awe -you just went international ) He he !

 

[mrRuckus]

I have always considered this type of behaviour questionable. I feel this is a major red flag in a persons make-up. I have always had trouble with a women like this.

Str8up mentions the same thing. Very last minute plans.

I'm not knocking this but what is the opinions of others?

Low character trait.

They don't want to commit to anything because they want to review what they feel like doing at that exact moment. If they commit to something they can't accept the better alternative invite that happens before that date, and if they suddenly just aren't in the mood to go out they can decide to stay in if they haven't committed yet.

So basically remaining noncommittal means we can retain our poor culture of instant gratification and never have to suck it up and just keep our word even though we no longer feel like doing what we agreed too at this very moment.

 

[jophil28]

................ or the A. Graham Bell.



Cheers!

Oops -Yep -you are right.

Edison brought the world the phonograph and ya cant call a girl on that thing now can ya ?

 

[jophil28]

Low character trait.

They don't want to commit to anything because they want to review what they feel like doing at that exact moment. If they commit to something they can't accept the better alternative invite that happens before that date, and if they suddenly just aren't in the mood to go out they can decide to stay in if they haven't committed yet.

So basically remaining noncommittal means we can retain our poor culture of instant gratification and never have to suck it up and just keep our word even though we no longer feel like doing what we agreed too at this very moment.

THat about sums it up -

Did you ever invite a woman out about Tuesday for next Saturday night and she says ," Saturday night sounds OK but I am not completely sure yet. Maybe it wll be OK. Give me a call Friday night just to confirm."

Some women !!

 

[Latinoman]

That is old school charm. I think I'm gonna steal that for a number close. Like, "Hey, I'm gonna call you on the Thomas Edison, so let me get your #" or something..." Did you ever do that?

I have to admit that it was pretty damn cool too. I know I will be borrowing that one too.

 

[#41]

I can always do things on the spur of the moment but most of the times things work better with a couple of days planned ahead. My way of life fits this better.

What about everybody else? any thoughts?

That's why I posted this on the Mature Man section.

I work 9-5 -- most of the women I interact with similarly work 9-5. When you work a daily job, especially an office job, oftentimes its difficult to be "spontaneous" and "spur of the moment." When I was in college / law school, it wasn't as much of an issue.

Don't get me wrong, there are times where I love getting a call from my friends saying "We're going to go do X, meet up in 15 minutes?" But, just as often, I'm dead tired from a day at the office and I don't feel much like doing anything that requires more effort than making dinner and falling asleep. It goes day-to-day.

If I have something I've got planned, usually I'll make the effort to get a good nights sleep beforehand so that I've got the energy to be out. Plans are key -- and I generalize that behavior towards other adults, since so many I talk to say the same types of things.

Interesting feedback so far, though. I'd imagine that "day of" dates would flake at an alarming rate, if for no other reason than the "I'm tired, I'm already home, and I don't feel like doing anything." IL would have to be REALLY high.

 

[WestCoaster]

When you feel like it, to be honest. This board has everyone over-thinking things, 24/48 hours, wait a week ... sheesh. Paralysis by analysis.

When you call, don't act desparate. But every person on this planet is different. I've had women respond to me calling less than 24 hours after a first date; I've had women not respond to this. I've had women respond to waiting a week, I've had women tell me I waited too long after waiting a week.

Each person is different, but it's best to go on how YOU feel. You call the shots. If it's 24 hours, believe in yourself when you call, no apologies. You do it. If you wait a few days, just call, no apologies. A week is too long, IMO. He who moves quickly gets the date.

To quote the legendary basketball coach John Wooden, who was talking about hoops, but this will work for women, too: "Be quick, but don't hurry."

 

[jophil28]

Each person is different, but it's best to go on how YOU feel. You call the shots. If it's 24 hours, believe in yourself when you call, no apologies. You do it. If you wait a few days, just call, no apologies. A week is too long, IMO. He who moves quickly gets the date.

To quote the legendary basketball coach John Wooden, who was talking about hoops, but this will work for women, too: "Be quick, but don't hurry."

Good advice that - just do it #41.
Here is a rule of thumb that may help - Always wait a day and a half - that automatically removes the "desperation factor ". THEN plan to call her sometime in the next TWO days when your GUT tells to to pick up the phone -

Waiting a week to call says the wrong things-- either you have low interest level or you have struck out will other women and you are calling her as a last resort ( women can imagine all sorts of negativity )
Women like men who show INTEREST initially without any desperation signals.

 

[guru1000]

This question really deals with how well of a RAPPORT builder you are.

In other words, if you can build a TIGHT rapport and have the girl laughing her ass off at the first encounter; you can call the girl that night and say you are coming over.

Many times, I have built a great rapport, grabbed her number and then called her a couple hours later to tell her I am picking her up.

The reason for the variety of suggestions is the difference in each other's abilities to build rapport.

This is why my flake ratio is NIL. I will not call a girl who I cannot make laugh. It is a futile waste of time.

To the OP: Make a date when you FEEL it is appropriate. Rapport is different for every particular encounter.

I personally do not like to wait too long for the first couple dates. I try to see the girl 2-3 times within the first week to BUILD consistency, comfort and rapport. Once she is reeled in, I will ease back to once a week.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

THIS is too soon.

 

[reset]

I personally do not like to wait too long for the first couple dates. I try to see the girl 2-3 times within the first week to BUILD consistency, comfort and rapport. Once she is reeled in, I will ease back to once a week.

Wait you just broke all the rules. WTF.