How should strong men handle drama, or should they handle it at all?

[tesla8520]

Yo guys!
Saw this scenario to happen many many times.
It would be awesome if you guys could tell if the man is acting low value or just bad.

Let's say that you have been in a relationship with this woman for 5 years. You have 1 child and live together.

She acts this dramatic and blames you for minor things and little things.
But every now and then he steps out of line, like once a week, and might say things like "It would be better if I were single at this point.. at least I could live better alone" in response to the fact that you are focused on your life and haven't abandoned your friends or hobbies, and she is home taking care of the kids.


Honestly it seems like an emotional turmoil, but in these moments when she actually cross that line... We're told that as men you just have to show maturity and say, "Okay, take what you want then" and walk away.


But rather, in this case, what we actually see is that the man's behavior is to detach himself from her, until she becomes loving and calm again.
I honestly see a lot of men behaving that way: She has emotional turmoil = The man leaves the house or goes off on his own and then comes back to her.
But it seems like too much stress in the long run and kills intimacy because you don't even want to genuinely **** with her anymore.

So, how should this situation be addressed as a mature and worthy man?

 

[Slowhandluke]

no win situation. 90% will lead to divorce. Assume divorce in future and prepare. It takes two people to make a relationship work.. if she already has one foot out of the door (or one toe), nothing can be done. Its out of the man's control.. as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

 

[pipeman84]

This scenario reminds me of that photo doing the rounds on social media with a guy sitting at the end of a branch, a big snake is crawling up the tree, below at the base of the tree there's a lion looking up at him and under the branch there's a lake full of crocodiles ... what should a strong man do in such a case?

The only real answer is prevention: you don't end up in a situation like this. If a woman acts dramatic and blames the guy for minor things it means she doesn't respect him. Therefore he doesn't get into a 5yrs long relationship with such a woman, let alone have a kid with her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You train others how to treat you.

End of discussion.

 

[OngBak]

You train others how to treat you.

End of discussion.

Not really only to a low extend, BUT it changes when you have authority only then it ends up on the high spectrum of "you train others how to treat you".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not really only to a low extend, BUT it changes when you have authority only then it ends up on the high spectrum of "you train others how to treat you".

No, this is a simp mindset

Everything you let go, you laugh off, you allow to slide when you know you shouldn't but you did so to not "ruin the moment" or "rock the boat".

All of those build up into a pile that continues to grow larger but can never be removed from.

So one time here, one time there, another time on vacation...that's 3 additions that have been added to the pile, never to come off.

And then a man wonders why it "suddenly happened" when it was just a small issue after 10 or 15 years.

But that's just it. It wasn't the single issue. It was the accumulation of issues that continuously eroded her respect level for you until this single incident was the final straw that broke the camel's back.

She had already been thinking about leaving for months, but now that was the trigger that caused the action.

So, no, it's not just once you have status. It's every fvcking day that you have no self respect or dignity for yourself that you train her to treat you the same way.

Because why would anyone have more respect for you than you have for yourself?

 

[OngBak]

No, this is a simp mindset

Everything you let go, you laugh off, you allow to slide when you know you shouldn't but you did so to not "ruin the moment" or "rock the boat".

All of those build up into a pile that continues to grow larger but can never be removed from.

So one time here, one time there, another time on vacation...that's 3 additions that have been added to the pile, never to come off.

And then a man wonders why it "suddenly happened" when it was just a small issue after 10 or 15 years.

But that's just it. It wasn't the single issue. It was the accumulation of issues that continuously eroded her respect level for you until this single incident was the final straw that broke the camel's back.

She had already been thinking about leaving for months, but now that was the trigger that caused the action.

So, no, it's not just once you have status. It's every fvcking day that you have no self respect or dignity for yourself that you train her to treat you the same way.

Because why would anyone have more respect for you than you have for yourself?

That's not really the point of my comment, although I do understand where you're coming from.

The reality is that you can't control people it just doesn't work that way. You can stand up for yourself, and that's completely fine, something you should do anyways, but it doesn't change the fact that the same person is likely to behave the same way again. You can't control who respects you, what people think about you, or how they choose to act. At some point, the best course of action is simply to walk away from people like that if it keeps happening despite your call outs.

Jealousy, envy, narcissistic tendencies, and other psychological mechanisms are often at play, and calling them out rarely changes those underlying patterns.

Status also matters a lot in these situations. People generally aren't afraid of losing someone who doesn't add value to their lives. That value isn't just about money or status it comes through conversations, the way you make people feel, and sometimes simply through your presence. It is more nuanced then you think

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's not really the point of my comment, although I do understand where you're coming from.

The reality is that you can't control people it just doesn't work that way. You can stand up for yourself, and that's completely fine, something you should do anyways, but it doesn't change the fact that the same person is likely to behave the same way again. You can't control who respects you, what people think about you, or how they choose to act. At some point, the best course of action is simply to walk away from people like that if it keeps happening despite your call outs.

Jealousy, envy, narcissistic tendencies, and other psychological mechanisms are often at play, and calling them out rarely changes those underlying patterns.

Status also matters a lot in these situations. People generally aren't afraid of losing someone who doesn't add value to their lives. That value isn't just about money or status it comes through conversations, the way you make people feel, and sometimes simply through your presence. It is more nuanced then you think

Yes, I agree. But you do control yourself.

If someone doesn't treat you the way you want them to, you train them that's OK to continue do so by giving them more opportunities to treat you that way instead of eliminating them from your life.

 

[plumber]

interesting setup. all of your discomfort is caused by your annoyance. your fear of looking weak. your need for approval. its all you or your. block your trigger points (that leads to the question of how to do that...).

now spend your time doing the best roi things. if you don't know what they are you can apply game theory.

the issue with your setup is that the man is focused on her. instead he shall focus on himself and others. she can have focus if there is roi, else move to a better roi. ultimately if she is hard headed and continues to be not your best roi for your time then you will not give her any time.

the entire problem is the mans need for validation. once that is solved... the rest will flow into place very naturally as you migrate to best roi.

notice i am not just telling you to avoid.. i am telling you what to do after already stuck....

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The older you get the more you realize that protecting your peace above all else is what is important.

Anyone who disturbs that a has a one way ticket to the curb.

 

[Gamisch]

BITG is spot on. Gotta nip it in the bud from the from the get go.

When you deal with women you WILL be in arguments. Can be a relative a loved one a colleague. Discussions will occur.

It becomes tricky when you invest more . So a child a house ect will make it more difficult for YOU to walk away but eventually it will break anyway....

Regarding status: here's one important thing yiu gotta understand. You can be the richest man on earth, yet the value you bring is subjective and depending on the moment. The reason why the toolbox can feck the rich married wife is because at some point the toolbox adds more value( excitement) than the rich hubby. So never believe you are " safe" because you got money or status!