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How should I have handled this situation better?

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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I ordered some pizza for all of us (me and my family) because my mom didn't want to cook anything and would rather waste her time and money ($20,000 to be precise) on a useless diplomacy course through an online college or something (what can you do with a degree in diplomacy anyway?). So we are all eating and talking, my mom eventually leaves to get back to writing her essay for her pointless class, and my brother asks me about Hodgetwins (the Youtubers). My sister jumps right in before he can even finish and says that she hates those guys because "they are just so annoying and look ugly" or something, then says something to tie it into herself. My brother says he doesn't care and that she always does this (jumps into coversations and insults something about whatever you are enthusiastic to talk about) and they go back and forth and I say something to her ("of course you always make it about yourself all the time" and then my brother ("you also make fun of people's conversations too"). My sister replies with some snotty remark to me and then I call her a stupid retard (now its getting real). She says that I am a stupid retard and then some other stuff that I don't recall because I felt a sneeze coming up. Then I release the sneeze at her (she is probably about 5 feet away). I start laughing as she tries to talk more crap about me, then she suddenly stops, gets up and spits in my face and quickly tries to walk away. I get so extremely infuriated and push her. I didn't really mean to push her super hard, but then again I don't think she thought I would do anything to her either and was caught off guard. She fell flat on her face. I was shocked that she ragdolled so hard because she isn't a skinny girl (not fat either, but ~5'5 or 5'6 @ 145 - 150 lbs).

At this point, all hell breaks loose and my dad is yelling at me (this past week I have just been resenting him more and more to the point where whenever I see him, I just feel hatred towards him). I walk past him and just want to get out of there now. I wash my hands at the sink amidst all the chaos and my dad is really yelling at me. He is telling me that I started it and it is all my fault and I'm telling him it's not. My mom comes in after hearing my sister crying. She starts screaming at me and starts basically starts saying that everything wrong that has ever happened throughout history was all my fault. She didn't see the whole escalation though and is just on my sister's side so I start yelling at her back, she's screaming and makes it like the world hates me and then I get sick of it and yell at her to shut up. She obviously doesnt and just continues screaming. Eventually I just walk upstairs after that event while my mom is telling me how she only ignores me and never my other siblings and a whole bunch of other stuff just to spite me. My sister walks upstairs too and starts screaming at me while crying like a victimized b!tch. My dad starts yelling saying how we both need to shut up and quit talking. I tell him he needs to quit talking to me and we go back and forth. My sister yells at him how he never does anything to me even after she "just got beat up". I yell at her saying that wasn't getting beat up and that I can show her what it means to get up. She just screams her head off for me to shut up. My dad gets in both of our faces and tells us both to go to our rooms. I want to put this lotion on my face first so I tell him no, I'm putting it on and he starts saying how he's gonna start using his hands now and that he will kick me out of the house. If I actually fought him though, I dont think he would have fist fought much, I think he would have gotten his shotgun and forced me out or shot me. This upsets me though because I know it may sound like I'm exaggerating, but I truly feel that is what he would have done.

Now about my sister: she wasn't hurt, she was just very upset that I would do something like that in front of my dad without him "doing anything". That basically means she wants him to fight me (when we were young, my dad was rather abusive to all of us, especially me, both physically and mentally. I'm not gonna lie and say that I didn't deserve it several times, but the times when your dad beats you just because he knew the parents of the person taking away the soccer ball during recess, or because your hand positioning on a broom when sweeping the floor because he told you to isn't where he wants it to be, or because your grades weren't good because some person in class who collected your papers threw yours out and your dad didn't believe you when you told him it was happening despite the teacher also telling him it's what happened, it doesn't really make you feel proud of yourself).

So as you can obviously tell, this is partially a vent, but I still would like to know how I could have handled this situation better. I am planning on moving out, though I don't know when (hopefully before next summer).
 

TheMonkeyKing

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1) People cutting others off mid-sentence is rude, but is also a sign of subconscious insecurity. Your sister feels the need to push her own agenda because she doesn't have full confidence in her own convictions.

2) You shouldn't be laying hands on your sister. Or any woman for that matter. A weak man handles a woman. A big man smirks at the stupidity and makes a poignant counter-argument.

3) Stop arguing with your family. It's the sign that you are becoming a man. Game principles apply to every facet of your life, not just pulling birds.

4) Let people have their little ways. I avoid drama at all costs these days.I can't be bothered. It detracts from purpose and character. Look at this; it was all over some useless youtube tw@ts. What's the point. The majority of the human race is bored senseless, insomuch as all they have to pique their interest is this BS youtube nonsense. Be the guy that has real informed opinions on things that matter; rising above the tripe and leading by example. Personally, I would not have even engaged in the conversation. Such trivia stimulates absolutely no interest in my world.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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1) People cutting others off mid-sentence is rude, but is also a sign of subconscious insecurity. Your sister feels the need to push her own agenda because she doesn't have full confidence in her own convictions.

2) You shouldn't be laying hands on your sister. Or any woman for that matter. A weak man handles a woman. A big man smirks at the stupidity and makes a poignant counter-argument.

3) Stop arguing with your family. It's the sign that you are becoming a man. Game principles apply to every facet of your life, not just pulling birds.

4) Let people have their little ways. I avoid drama at all costs these days.I can't be bothered. It detracts from purpose and character. Look at this; it was all over some useless youtube tw@ts. What's the point. The majority of the human race is bored senseless, insomuch as all they have to pique their interest is this BS youtube nonsense. Be the guy that has real informed opinions on things that matter; rising above the tripe and leading by example. Personally, I would not have even engaged in the conversation. Such trivia stimulates absolutely no interest in my world.
Your ego is running your life. It's not a wise choice.
The issue I had from all this is that she spat in my face. How can you just let that happen and not retaliate? It doesn't matter if it's a man, woman, or child, that's the ultimate disrespect. Everything else she says and does I just laugh at or ignore, it doesn't bother me.

I'm thinking I shouldn't have ordered for everyone and only should have bought for myself.
 

LiveYourDream

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Perspective...

Imagine that your phone rang right now and someone on the other end told you your dad just had heart attack. You are immediately ready to head to the hospital. They tell you died on the spot. He is dead. Your father is dead. You never get to tell him, to his face, looking into his eyes, anything, ever again. He's dead. You'll never hear his voice again.

Take number two...

Imagine someone is knocking really hard at your front door right now. You are home alone and feel irritated by the demanding way they are knocking. You finally open the door with attitude ready to tell the person off. You find an officer in uniform. He confirms who you are. Then he tells you your mother and sister were in a very bad car accident. Their car was hit by a semi truck. Their car was totaled. They were killed. He offers his condolences to you. He lets you know where their bodies have been taken so your family can make arrangements. Your mother and your sister are dead. You'll never see either one again.


Your father, mother, sister, brother...a moment will come and change your relationship, with each one, forever.

You will never hear their voice, see them smile or hear their laughter. You'll never be able to tell them, that as pissed off as you were sometimes, that you really loved them. You'll never get to apologize for being an ******* sometimes. You'll never get to thank them for all the special moments you shared and how much they meant to you. You'll never get to tell them how underneath it all, you really loved them. They are dead. There is no other moment. You had your chance, every single day. The opportunity is gone now. You can't get it back. They are dead. In an instant, no longer filling the space in your life, as they once did. Gone, forever. Where they once were part of your life, will be their absence. Your home will be empty like you've never felt it before. Your life and insides will feel empty like you have never known before. All the ways they added to your life, will be noticeably absent.

Those things they did or said that you found so irritating will for the most part suddenly seem so minute and irrelevant. All the little things they did that you appreciated, but didn't even realize it, you'll see like never before.


It is so easy to take our lives and all that makes it meaningful for granted. You may feel great friction with your family. I have no doubt, if any or all of them died today, you would feel loss like you have never imagined. You'd realize that under all that friction you feel, you love them and they loved you and that was bigger and more important than any friction you felt, in any moment. You'd miss them more than words could express. You'd feel heartbroken.

In this moment, they are very much alive, and perhaps even grating on your nerves. A day will come, when each one passes and your opportunities with them will be no more. It's easy to assume that it's far off in the future. Life doesn't always work that way. Don't assume you get later with any of them. Appreciate each moment. If any interaction turned out to be your last one with them, be sure you would feel good about it.

The day you and your family bury your sister, I imagine you'd gladly let her spit in your face 100 times, if it would bring her back to life. The day you bury your mother, I imagine you'll appreciate her in ways you never saw before. The day you bury your father, I imagine you'll see a man with greater strength and patience than you realized was before you, your whole life. The day you bury your brother, I imagine you'll feel loss deeper than you had known possible.

Your love for them will be immense. The loss you feel will seem unfathomable. You'll wish you could see them one more time, talk to them one more time, tell them how much you care one more time. That one more time will already be gone.

TL;DR Appreciate the moments you have with them now. When they act in ways you don't prefer, remind yourself there will be a day when they will be here no more and what bothers you now will seem trivial then. Share your loving with each of them and appreciate your moments together. One never knows when the moment will come and you will never see them again.
 
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ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Perspective...

Imagine that your phone rang right now and someone on the other end told you your dad just had heart attack. You are immediately ready to head to the hospital. They tell you died on the spot. He is dead. Your father is dead. You never get to tell him, to his face, looking into his eyes, anything, ever again. He's dead. You'll never hear his voice again.

Take number two...

Imagine someone is knocking really hard at your front door right now. You are home alone and feel irritated by the demanding way they are knocking. You finally open the door with attitude ready to tell the person off. You find an officer in uniform. He confirms who you are. Then he tells you your mother and sister were in a very bad car accident. Their car was hit by a semi truck. Their car was totaled. They were killed. He offers his condolences to you. He lets you know where their bodies have been taken so your family can make arrangements. Your mother and your sister are dead. You'll never see either one again.


Your father, mother, sister, brother...a moment will come and change your relationship, with each one, forever.

You will never hear their voice, see them smile or hear their laughter. You'll never be able to tell them, that as pissed off as you were sometimes, that you really loved them. You'll never get to apologize for being an ******* sometimes. You'll never get to thank them for all the special moments you shared and how much they meant to you. You'll never get to tell them how underneath it all, you really loved them. They are dead. There is no other moment. You had your chance, every single day. The opportunity is gone now. You can't get it back. They are dead. In an instant, no longer filling the space in your life, as they once did. Gone, forever. Where they once were part of your life, will be their absence. Your home will be empty like you've never felt it before. Your life and insides will feel empty like you have never known before. All the ways they added to your life, will be noticeably absent.

Those things they did or said that you found so irritating will for the most part suddenly seem so minute and irrelevant. All the little things they did that you appreciated, but didn't even realize it, you'll see like never before.


It is so easy to take our lives and all that makes it meaningful for granted. You may feel great friction with your family. I have no doubt, if any or all of them died today, you would feel loss like you have never imagined. You'd realize that under all that friction you feel, you love them and they loved you and that was bigger and more important than any friction you felt, in any moment. You'd miss them more than words could express. You'd feel heartbroken.

In this moment, they are very much alive, and perhaps even grating on your nerves. A day will come, when each one passes and your opportunities with them will be no more. It's easy to assume that it's far off in the future. Life doesn't always work that way. Don't assume you get later with any of them. Appreciate each moment. If any interaction turned out to be your last one with them, be sure you would feel good about it.

The day you and your family bury your sister, I imagine you'd gladly let her spit in your face 100 times, if it would bring her back to life. The day you bury your mother, I imagine you'll appreciate her in ways you never saw before. The day you bury your father, I imagine you'll see a man with greater strength and patience than you realized was before you, your whole life. The day you bury your brother, I imagine you'll feel loss deeper than you had known possible.

Your love for them will be immense. The loss you feel will seem unfathomable. You'll wish you could see them one more time, talk to them one more time, tell them how much you care one more time. That one more time will already be gone.

TL;DR Appreciate the moments you have with them now. When they act in ways you don't prefer, remind yourself there will be a day when they will be here no more and what bothers you now will seem trivial then. Share your loving with each of them and appreciate your moments together. One never knows when the moment will come and you will never see them again.
The only people I would be distraught for woulf be for my mother and my brother especially. Yeah it would suck if my sisters died, but I wouldn't cry over it. They probably wouldn't cry for me if I died. As for my father, I would feel conflicted. Sad that he is lost, but freedom and the joy that comes with it. If were somehow not affected monetarily if my father died, my life overall would be happier. I would mourn over him, but not for the reasons most people would though. I dislike my sisters, especially my older one because all of her failed responsibilities fell onto me and I got punished for it. When I upheld what she had to do, I didn't get rewarded for it either, she did. So I resent her too.
 

Dingo

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17 ?... OK that explains it.

No disrespect just helps understand why all the drama.

Not much to offer.... Might want to read up on family dynamics and dysfunction.
 

Amer1group

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The only people I would be distraught for woulf be for my mother and my brother especially. Yeah it would suck if my sisters died, but I wouldn't cry over it. They probably wouldn't cry for me if I died. As for my father, I would feel conflicted. Sad that he is lost, but freedom and the joy that comes with it. If were somehow not affected monetarily if my father died, my life overall would be happier. I would mourn over him, but not for the reasons most people would though. I dislike my sisters, especially my older one because all of her failed responsibilities fell onto me and I got punished for it. When I upheld what she had to do, I didn't get rewarded for it either, she did. So I resent her too.
When I was born, my family consisted in: My father, mother, grandmother, grandfather and me. I'm 17, just like you, and by now it's only my father and me. You might think I don't understand, but I was just like you; sometimes I wanted my father to not be there at all, and now he is the only one. Your interactions with your family are the result of everyone trying their best, like your sister, who has some problem (unrelated to you) that makes her interrupt; and you tried your best too, but ended up pushing her.

They are your family, you know they real intentions, so why not ignore/help-them-improve their flaws? You are (hopefully) moving out when you start your adult life anyways.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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When I was born, my family consisted in: My father, mother, grandmother, grandfather and me. I'm 17, just like you, and by now it's only my father and me. You might think I don't understand, but I was just like you; sometimes I wanted my father to not be there at all, and now he is the only one. Your interactions with your family are the result of everyone trying their best, like your sister, who has some problem (unrelated to you) that makes her interrupt; and you tried your best too, but ended up pushing her.

They are your family, you know they real intentions, so why not ignore/help-them-improve their flaws? You are (hopefully) moving out when you start your adult life anyways.
My sister has just never grown up. She is 18 and still has the thought process of a 9 or 10 year old, but in the body of an 18 year old. She also always wants everything to be about her a lot of times. Basically an attention seeker.

The issue with my dad is that he always wants to control at least some part of my life without really being in it. He brings home food sometimes, pays the bills, and occasionally drives me places. But aside from that, he didn't really do much of the fatherly things that most fathers do. He taught me how to swim and that's it really. Not much else. He basically married and had kids just so that he can say he married and had kids. It's all about his self-image. He tells us that people know us as HIS kids are well mannered, not that WE are well mannered. HIS kids are disciplined, not me or my siblings on an idividual level are disciplined. He will do what he wants at the cost of others and he won't care how much it hurts you or how much it negatively imlacts your life. He put me and my older sister in school a year early. He says it's so that we could get a head start on our lives, but I asked him later on and he also said that it is so we could get out of the house and take care of him more quickly when we get older. Everything he wants for us is never really for our benefit, it's because he benfits from it in some hidden way. He wanted me and my siblings to all be doctors just so he could say to all his friends that his kids are doctors. Not because he really wants us to be (he is a foreigner and being a doctor in his country is held up in high regard, plus all his friends are from that country too). And I have never really heard him say to me that he was ever proud of anything that I did, except maybe twice in my life. Nothing I ever do is good enough for him. This is why I hate him so much. Because of all these reasons. He wants me to do what he wants without ever helping me. Now I don't even want his help.
 

Amer1group

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My sister has just never grown up. She is 18 and still has the thought process of a 9 or 10 year old, but in the body of an 18 year old. She also always wants everything to be about her a lot of times. Basically an attention seeker.

The issue with my dad is that he always wants to control at least some part of my life without really being in it. He brings home food sometimes, pays the bills, and occasionally drives me places. But aside from that, he didn't really do much of the fatherly things that most fathers do. He taught me how to swim and that's it really. Not much else. He basically married and had kids just so that he can say he married and had kids. It's all about his self-image. He tells us that people know us as HIS kids are well mannered, not that WE are well mannered. HIS kids are disciplined, not me or my siblings on an idividual level are disciplined. He will do what he wants at the cost of others and he won't care how much it hurts you or how much it negatively imlacts your life. He put me and my older sister in school a year early. He says it's so that we could get a head start on our lives, but I asked him later on and he also said that it is so we could get out of the house and take care of him more quickly when we get older. Everything he wants for us is never really for our benefit, it's because he benfits from it in some hidden way. He wanted me and my siblings to all be doctors just so he could say to all his friends that his kids are doctors. Not because he really wants us to be (he is a foreigner and being a doctor in his country is held up in high regard, plus all his friends are from that country too). And I have never really heard him say to me that he was ever proud of anything that I did, except maybe twice in my life. Nothing I ever do is good enough for him. This is why I hate him so much. Because of all these reasons. He wants me to do what he wants without ever helping me. Now I don't even want his help.
I'm not more experienced than you, but if your IMPRESSION of your family is completely true, all I can tell you to do is to implement boundaries correctly, and interact with your family as much as you consider it "healthy" for you. I insist on focusing in the good things. You can't choose your family, but you choose what to do about it (the same speech of the self-esteem), if you hate them for it, you are not any better that them.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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I'm not more experienced than you, but if your IMPRESSION of your family is completely true, all I can tell you to do is to implement boundaries correctly, and interact with your family as much as you consider it "healthy" for you. I insist on focusing in the good things. You can't choose your family, but you choose what to do about it (the same speech of the self-esteem), if you hate them for it, you are not any better that them.
Thanks for the advice.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I'm not more experienced than you, but if your IMPRESSION of your family is completely true, all I can tell you to do is to implement boundaries correctly, and interact with your family as much as you consider it "healthy" for you. I insist on focusing in the good things. You can't choose your family, but you choose what to do about it (the same speech of the self-esteem), if you hate them for it, you are not any better that them.
Some of us have to miminize time with family because due to family politics often it can be the most destructive. It's up to you as a man to decide this, but don't be a fool and think family always loves you and got your back when many years may go back where this is the furthest thing from the truth.
 

Amer1group

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Some of us have to miminize time with family because due to family politics often it can be the most destructive. It's up to you as a man to decide this, but don't be a fool and think family always loves you and got your back when many years may go back where this is the furthest thing from the truth.
I interact with my family as little as possible. I like them, but I don't expect them to love me. I choose to love them and there is no reason for it.
 

Slime93

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Move out if that's how you feel. If not learn to be quiet and keep your head down.


You can't be over 18. Live with your parents. And also be a major source of drama. Grow up.

Like someone else said its your ego. Whole post just drips of ego.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Move out if that's how you feel. If not learn to be quiet and keep your head down.


You can't be over 18. Live with your parents. And also be a major source of drama. Grow up.

Like someone else said its your ego. Whole post just drips of ego.
Some strong idiocy in this post.....

I'm 17, check the left or click my avatar, as I stated before. I still live with my parents because I just got out of high school, you can read my other posts too. Not everyone that stumbles across this site did so when they were in their 20s or 30s because of some girl they wanted and were heartbroken from.

I do try to mind my own business for the most part, but they come to me. Human interaction with them is unavoidable at some point too, I live with them for God's sake. This isn't me having an ego, it's about them trying to break me now that I am strong. My mother says "you teenage boys want to be right all the time". Well it's called testosterone. It's what makes you a leader. A trait of a leader is knowing that you are right when you truly are. Not an ego like how you put. You didn't even answer the question; you just come here, put in your 2-bit insult, and leave. And you say that my post drips of egoo_O. You don't even see how hypocritical you are. Pathetic.
 

LiveYourDream

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It's what makes you a leader.
Don't mistake turning yourself into an a**hole, for turning yourself into a leader. They are not one and the same.

One bullies others for the feeling of dominance (driven by his own inherent insecurity). The other is lifted into authority, by the respect he has earned and is given by others.

One lives with deep insecurity masquerading behind ego trips. The other builds a solid foundation, one step at a time, that holds both his core and his knowingness unthreatened, in the face of disagreement.

Sometimes the truth hurts. The truth can set you free, if you let it.


I understand this ^^^^ post will likely be hard to take in. I get your ego won't like it and will want to react and fight back against it. Consider that one who genuinely cares, knows it is better to let your feelings and/or ego be hurt for a while, than to never speak up and simply let you lead yourself and your life astray, when perhaps you didn't need to.

The two described above are very different paths, as are the lives they lead to. Every step of the way, choose wisely. Your choices create your path moving forward. Whether you can see it or not, my intent is in no way to insult you but rather to offer you re-direction towards the greater possibility, for yourself and your life. When you write, "I AM THE GREATEST," as your tag line, know the words I shared here, are intended to support you being that, the greatest version of you possible. I wish you nothing but the best.
 
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ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Don't mistake turning yourself into an a**hole, for turning yourself into a leader. They are not one and the same.

One bullies others for the feeling of dominance (driven by his own inherent insecurity). The other is lifted into authority, by the respect he has earned and is given by others.

One lives with deep insecurity masquerading behind ego trips. The other builds a solid foundation, one step at a time, that holds both his core and his knowingness unthreatened, in the face of disagreement.

Sometimes the truth hurts. The truth can set you free, if you let it.


I understand this ^^^^ post will likely be hard to take in. I get your ego won't like it and will want to react and fight back against it. Consider that one who genuinely cares, knows it is better to let your feelings and/or ego be hurt for a while, than to never speak up and simply let you lead yourself and your life astray, when perhaps you didn't need to.

The two described above are very different paths, as are the lives they lead to. Every step of the way, choose wisely. Your choices create your path moving forward. Whether you can see it or not, my intent is in no way to insult you but rather to offer you re-direction towards the greater possibility, for yourself and your life. When you write, "I AM THE GREATEST," as your tag line, know the words I shared here, are intended to support you being that, the greatest version of you possible. I wish you nothing but the best.
My family sees me as an a$$hole or bully, but I don't really instigate them much at all. I no longer have any insecurities, no one can make me have low self-esteem anymore or make me feel guilty unless I choose to, I rarely even get mad from being insulted either. I get annoyed instead (but when I do get mad, I explode as you can tell from the OP). However, just because I no longer am weak does not mean I will allow others to test me. I don't really care much for the opinions of others on what they feel about me unless it negatively impacts me in some way. And I do not put down others to feel dominant, rather I make myself feel more dominant simply through my body language (yes, I am self-aware of my body language), occasional incantations ("I am the greatest!", "I'm not the greatest, I'm the double greatest", "I am powerful/masculine/strong/tough", or when I am about to compete "I will show you how great I am"), and a few songs I listen to. I used to be very insecure and would hurt my siblings to make myself feel more dominant or powerful, but that when I was really young, like before the age of 9, and I still didn't completely stop until I was 13, but their image of me is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life, I have realized that now. But I do not want them to scapegoat me as the instigator just because I am in a conflict simply because they believe I am the same way now as I was when I was 9.

Do I have an ego? Yes. We all do, mine may perhaps be bigger than others, but I try not let it get in the way of my thinking. This was one of the few times that it did. Is it fueled by insecurity and fear of others conquering me or proving me wrong though? No. I have pride within myself because I have seen how far I have come and I know what I am capable of. I am striving to achieve my full potential. I have very strong opinions on what I believe in now, and this is because of the accumulation of the opinions of others and my own experiences. If I know my opinion is wrong from someone proving me wrong (and not because he/she just says I am wrong but doesn't give any reasoning as to why), then I will not keep arguing. I would admit I am wrong. My username is a quote from Muhammad Ali (obviously). One thing I learned from him is that while being confident and proud is great and all, you must be graceful in defeat. He was talking a lot of crap about Joe Frazier before his fight against him, and then when he lost to him and the press asked him about how he felt, he said "Joe beat me. He's the champion. But I'll be back." These traits are what separate good leaders from bad leaders. I am striving to be the former.

I always felt I could do great things, and there were those few times in my life that I had shocked and proven to myself that that inward feeling was right. My family is the first to have seen it after me and they didn't believe it was true. They all thought it was just luck or something and my siblings would always tease me on the progress I have made. Now that I think about it, i still do have one insecurity left. I do not want to revert back to how I was before. I am not drastically afraid of it, but I will still try to never ever become like how I once was. And that perhaps is why I may have so many issues with my family. They remind me of those days and poke fun at it and say that I am still like that or insinuate it in one way or another.

Anyway, thanks for your insight. I still do have a question though that no one here has answered me yet: how should I have handled this situation better? What other ways could I have handled this better (if there are multiple ways)?
 
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