how should i go about this? help please

[Andrewdiceclay]

It's the holidays. Work gets crazier than ever. Financial struggles are also more prominent. I have a couple friends I talk too everyday who went off the grid. They'll hit me up soon. One girl I talk too in particular will only accept calls during this time of year. January things will resume. We go through it every year for the past 5. Did she hit you back up yet?

 

[Ryan Adams]

no she has not hit me up since 9 this am. she has been really down and out recently about her just overwhelmed so I think like I said she's just emotionally unavailable at the moment.

 

[Ryan Adams]

also say I did want to end it. should I confront her and ask her if she's talking to other guys or just see what she says and if it's legit then move forward or if no response say f it and go no contact

 

[Andrewdiceclay]

Do that in person. Not over text. Shows too much vulnerability. Just do your thing until you hear from her.

 

[Ryan Adams]

thanks for the help fellas I was thinking about it last night. she snap chatted me a picture of her Christmas decorations she finally got in last night and said finally got the stupid reindeer. but didn't reply to my text. I'm just gonna say f it and go low profile with her if she wants me she can put in the work. not worth my time at the moment. I'll just see what she has to say

 

[exhausted]

she is my age. 28

I usually know when there is a guy in the picture. this just doesn't feel like she's putting put that vibe. she is very straight forward and so far in the past 3 months has never lied about anything even things that I was thinking yeah ok she's definitely Lying turned out to be her telling the truth. I feel like she is just unemotionally unavailable basically.

It's one thing to be busy and respond late but to be seeing eachother for 3 months and not respond for days is shady. Good luck.

 

[Ryan Adams]

very shady I agree

 

[Glassguy]

Send her flowers and candy and step up your chasing game. She will eventually come around. That last text might not have went through so you might want to send her a few more this morning just to make sure she gets it.

Seriously.....you have no idea what is going on with this chick and neither do we. It all adds up to her attention has shifted to someone else. I send the same snapchats to several girls all the time. Texting and responding to your text is much more personal and she isnt even giving you that. I agree that its best to just be dead silent until she reaches out.

 

[Glassguy]

Why would you say ‘I am going a different direction dating wise?’

Doesn’t that sound angry / defensive?

Not at all as long as you quit texting after that last message.

Not angry, just honest and thats exactly what you should be doing. Going a different direction.
I guess at the end of the day you could say "K", "No problem....take care" or whatever.
It really doesnt matter as long as you dont keep texting and move on.

 

[Ryan Adams]

she responded back in a text saying "sorry I've been on autopilots the dogs are crazy from being locked up all day and I'm not getting much sleep. it's not you it's me I'm kinda a mess right now" i am not going to reply for a day or 2

 

[Glassguy]

"Its not you its me".

She is screaming "I dont have interest in you anymore". But I am a woman that likes men so I found someone else that is more appealing to me right now.

Why would you ever text her back at all.

A simple "k hun take care" is more than sufficient. I promise you that once you text her that, she will be gone. The only texts you may get are crumbs later on to see if you're still on the hook .

 

[Ryan Adams]

I understand but what if she really is just stressed out isn't there anything else I could say that maybe isn't so final

 

[RedScorpion]

I somewhat disagree with the approach here, rather to twist it a bit. I'd say come at it from a non fuzzed kind of way - understanding but not overly concerned either way. "No problem. I know what it's like" - and then let her re-initiate from there. I wouldn't wait a day or two - just send a reply later on today (depending on your timezone).

If she's still interested in you, and just truly getting burnt out - she'll appreciate the understanding and non drama of it all. And she'll hit you up in fairly short order (less than two weeks I'd give), to set something up. If she texts, talk with her normally, but let her be the one to suggest getting together.

If she isn't interested, or interested more in someone else, you won't hear from her really and it'll just kind of fade.

I don't think you should go the 'final' route yet.

 

[Ryan Adams]

yeah man im going this route. instead of ending something that mightttt be still something there I'm gonna leave the ball in her court.

 

[Andrewdiceclay]

You definitely want to be understanding but a it's not you, it's me line is never good. Just be cool. Like sorry you're dealing with all that. And go on. If she wants you, she'll come after you.

 

[Ryan Adams]

she technically never said it's not you it's me she said "it's not you im just kinda a mess right now" she's said this multiple times through the past few months so her saying isn't out of the ordinary just her time in between us talking is

 

[Ryan Adams]

ok see if you guys can help me with this situation a little more. she basically resumed texting me though not as much she's still harping on about how stressed out and exhausted she is etc. I posted a picture on Snapchat of me eating at a place she likes yesterday and she texted me once she saw it was like "are you eating such and such ya jerk!" and we went back and forth so it's kinda started where we left off just not nearly as much texting. she still hasn't reinitiated a date though as I'm not gonna say sh!t another time about taking her out. basically I'm just playing it cool. im never texting her first but always responding and just acting normal. is this the way to go about it? like i said there is a very big possibility she literally is just super exhausted and I don't wanna end something where there is no need to right now.

 

[Glassguy]

For starters, you werent very receptive to good advice the first time around. So I am not going to offer any more advice to you. I will however take time out of my busy day to reinforce the facts:

She has made ZERO attempt to see you. Her sending a text is a merely a breadcrumb which you are gobbling up like a hobo on a ham sandwich. Minuscule efforts on her part.

I have 2 new chicks that I just started talking to in the past week and a half. BOTH of them brought up the thought of getting together for drinks before I even had the chance. I am meeting one tonight, one tomorrow night. Their actions show high interest. I really dont care what they say. The entire point of dating is getting together, not being strung along getting your chain yanked as a texting buddy.

You do the math and figure it out.

 

[Andrewdiceclay]

Seems like you have feelings for this girl which can be dangerous and you're overthinking it. I would be slower to text back and take a day or so that way you do the takeaway. Continuing to text her casually can land you in the friend zone. Think about what you really want with this girl.

 

[Ryan Adams]

yeah I know fellas it's just hard I've done the spinning plates thing and with those woman I just didn't give 2 sh!ts. with this girl i genuinely like her so it kinda sucks to see it not going where I want it.