How often should I call? Cultural differences?

[robojack]

I'm currently dating a Chinese woman (I'm Chinese myself, though both of us are well-adapted to North-American customs), we've been seeing each other for about 2 months on a weekly (and occasionally bi-weekly) basis.

Now, things are going well between us, but recently, I've been having other Chinese friends tell me that their boyfriends/girlfriends call them everyday, and same with their friends' boyfriends/girlfriends. One girl even told me she dumped her ex-bf because he had the habit of not calling her for sometimes 5 days. According to them, it's the way Chinese people do it. This got me wondering, and thinking, maybe I should call her more often?

Now, having studied the way of the DJ, I've been advised to do the exact opposite, and NOT call everyday, or even once every other day. I usually call one or twice a week, at most. But on the other hand, wouldn't it possible that our relationship would develop faster if we talked to each other more often? We're both somewhat busy ppl, so seeing each other more often is somewhat out of the question at the moment.

Whose advice should I follow? I find it hard to believe that just because we're Chinese people, that we have do something that'll make us seem incredibly needy, insecure, and overly available. Or should I ask the girl I'm dating how she prefers it? If so, how would I even phrase it?

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[setlur55]

I would call her as often as you feel like it. I am not a big believer in this rule that you should not phone frequently.

 

[libre]

Dear sir

If you call her often you will look insecure and dependent. Women do not like insecure men. Also, you will make her feel like she is the prize and your own value will plummet.

Scarcity of product makes it value soar. Keep yourself reachable and open to her, but not too available. A glut of a product makes it's value dunct in the gallows.

Yep, call her once in a while, but do not over do it. What would you want to talk about with her anyway? The latest episode of «Desperate housewives», the weather (yawn!)?

 

[robojack]

Thanks for your opinion. Anyone else have anything to add?

 

[libre]

For a cultural reference I add. Don't kowtow to her like she is the princess or she will treat you like a peasant.

The kind of advice that you should call her often, give her gifts, ..., should be taken seriously only if you want a relationship in which you have given the power to the girl on a platter. Do you want to look for a relationship in which you are kowtowing to the girl or do you want to search for a relationship where the power is equitably shared between both of you?

 

[JonJack]

Do whatever you feel like doing. If the girl has a problem with it, she should tell you. It's not like you're trying to pick her up anymore, you already have her.

And if she decides to dump you because you don't like calling her so often, then she can go fvck herself. Those are my thoughts anyway.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Call whenever you feel like it, just try to avoid calling over the weekend days.