How often do her friends support YOU in an arguement/breakup?

[JeeperCane]

Through my last two breakups, my ex's FRIENDS have sided with me and supported me in the situations....which needless to say, seems quite odd.

My last ex lived with her three roommates (she was an undergrad in college, I was in grad school). When we broke up, they all either emailed, called or texted me about how great they thought I was and how upset they were at said ex for kicking me to the curb. I thought it was mostly lip service until I heard it from my ex herself, saying how mad she was at her friends for siding with me. One of these "friends" was actually a girl that I had made an off-color remark about once, meaning it in playful jest, which went horribly wrong. I assumed she couldn't stand me and usually gave her space. However, she as firmly in my corner.

My most recent ex told me during one of her "justification" of the breakup talks (my mistake for even listening, I do have another thread here about ignoring calls, which I'm doing now) that her friends are furious at her over this, specifically her former roommate who is extremely fabulous (we're talking dance instructor, theater guy fabulous). Her current roommate has also come forward and written me a long email professing how she thinks I'm an "amazing" guy and hopes we get back together.

I'm actually quite flattered that the people who should be closest to my ex's have stood up for me. I originally thought it was a lip-service thing, but they seem to, with the acknowledgment of my ex's, really pulled them over the coals about these things.

I tend to attribute it to the fact that I'm generally very easy for everyone to get along with, not to pat myself too much on the back. I just have a wide range of friends.

Has anyone else ever had these experiences? I was expecting to get the cold shoulder or really nothing at all from ex's friends, but this has happened more then once now and in the same manner.

 

[##17]

Through my last two breakups, my ex's FRIENDS have sided with me and supported me in the situations....which needless to say, seems quite odd.

My last ex lived with her three roommates (she was an undergrad in college, I was in grad school). When we broke up, they all either emailed, called or texted me about how great they thought I was and how upset they were at said ex for kicking me to the curb. I thought it was mostly lip service until I heard it from my ex herself, saying how mad she was at her friends for siding with me. One of these "friends" was actually a girl that I had made an off-color remark about once, meaning it in playful jest, which went horribly wrong. I assumed she couldn't stand me and usually gave her space. However, she as firmly in my corner.

My most recent ex told me during one of her "justification" of the breakup talks (my mistake for even listening, I do have another thread here about ignoring calls, which I'm doing now) that her friends are furious at her over this, specifically her former roommate who is extremely fabulous (we're talking dance instructor, theater guy fabulous). Her current roommate has also come forward and written me a long email professing how she thinks I'm an "amazing" guy and hopes we get back together.

I'm actually quite flattered that the people who should be closest to my ex's have stood up for me. I originally thought it was a lip-service thing, but they seem to, with the acknowledgment of my ex's, really pulled them over the coals about these things.

I tend to attribute it to the fact that I'm generally very easy for everyone to get along with, not to pat myself too much on the back. I just have a wide range of friends.

Has anyone else ever had these experiences? I was expecting to get the cold shoulder or really nothing at all from ex's friends, but this has happened more then once now and in the same manner.

You actually gave little information. Why did your ex dump you, or at least, for what reason did she GIVE you for breaking up with her?

I have some ideas as to what might have happened...

 

[KontrollerX]

Best friends have supported me through anything.

Casual aquaintance type friends though you can't depend on for much of anything either they stab you in the back by siding with the other person, say they don't want to get involved or any other weak thing you can imagine.

 

[JeeperCane]

You actually gave little information. Why did your ex dump you, or at least, for what reason did she GIVE you for breaking up with her?

I have some ideas as to what might have happened...

Both girls were basically the same in terms of mannerisms. This is MY FAULT FOR BEING WITH THEM. Let me make that clear. Only recently have I taken a serious look at the women I am with and blamed myself for my own decisions.

However, both were immature and often went from "I love you, we're going to get married, don't ever leave me" to "I just don't know what I want anymore...."

With the first girl I was too young (23) to understand what was really going on. I was immature as well in that I kept wanting to make it work when I should have just walked away.

With the second girl, she and I are both 26 and I was blined by the idea that all this "marry me" talk actually have some legitimacy to it in that I felt as though I was nearing that age and so is she. I gave it more weight, if you will. However, it was basically the same immaturity in her that came out. A lot fits when she didn't get her way, yelling for no reason, a lot of "there are just too many differences to make thing work, I'm not sure what I want...."

I should have cut bait with the latter when the fits started, but I stupidly thought it was with goes along with dating an actress/artist. Towards the end, she started seeing a therapist and I started wondering. The therapist was a clear sign, but it basically happened just a few days before she broke up with me.

I don't know what you can make of any of that information. All opinions are welcome. Like I said, I just find it strange that both sets of friends defend me. On a side note, I keep casual "how are you" email contact with a few of the first girlfriend's friends as one comes in and out of town every now and then.

 

[##17]

Both girls were basically the same in terms of mannerisms. This is MY FAULT FOR BEING WITH THEM. Let me make that clear. Only recently have I taken a serious look at the women I am with and blamed myself for my own decisions.

However, both were immature and often went from "I love you, we're going to get married, don't ever leave me" to "I just don't know what I want anymore...."

With the first girl I was too young (23) to understand what was really going on. I was immature as well in that I kept wanting to make it work when I should have just walked away.

With the second girl, she and I are both 26 and I was blined by the idea that all this "marry me" talk actually have some legitimacy to it in that I felt as though I was nearing that age and so is she. I gave it more weight, if you will. However, it was basically the same immaturity in her that came out. A lot fits when she didn't get her way, yelling for no reason, a lot of "there are just too many differences to make thing work, I'm not sure what I want...."

I should have cut bait with the latter when the fits started, but I stupidly thought it was with goes along with dating an actress/artist. Towards the end, she started seeing a therapist and I started wondering. The therapist was a clear sign, but it basically happened just a few days before she broke up with me.

I don't know what you can make of any of that information. All opinions are welcome. Like I said, I just find it strange that both sets of friends defend me. On a side note, I keep casual "how are you" email contact with a few of the first girlfriend's friends as one comes in and out of town every now and then.

How did you handle her 'tests'?

You said you're easy-going and that's great, but I suspect that this might have lead to you and your girlfriend breaking up. A lot of women want to be 'put in their place' from time to time, it actually makes them feel safe. ESPECIALLY if she is immature (which this girl sounds like). That is also something that even most women don't consciously know about themselves. They see your easygoing nature and think to themselves 'what a catch', but then trouble starts coming several months into it when she 'tests' you.

Anyway, that is my guess from what you've written.

 

[JeeperCane]

How did you handle her 'tests'?

You said you're easy-going and that's great, but I suspect that this might have lead to you and your girlfriend breaking up. A lot of women want to be 'put in their place' from time to time, it actually makes them feel safe. ESPECIALLY if she is immature (which this girl sounds like). That is also something that even most women don't consciously know about themselves. They see your easygoing nature and think to themselves 'what a catch', but then trouble starts coming several months into it when she 'tests' you.

Anyway, that is my guess from what you've written.

thats a really good analysis actually. she did get upset because she felt that i was unemotional at times. i thought the problem was that she was emotional EVERY FING DAY! at a Halloween party a few weeks ago, one of her friends told me that she thought I was "an amazing guy for the way you handle her." i didn't think anything of it, but your analysis seems spot-on now that I look at it.

thanks man!

 

[##17]

thats a really good analysis actually. she did get upset because she felt that i was unemotional at times. i thought the problem was that she was emotional EVERY FING DAY! at a Halloween party a few weeks ago, one of her friends told me that she thought I was "an amazing guy for the way you handle her." i didn't think anything of it, but your analysis seems spot-on now that I look at it.

thanks man!

Seriously dude though, she sounds like an immature Drama-Queen. It really looks to me that you're better off without her.

 

[penkitten]

if you are fighting so often that your friends or her friends have to pick a side, the relationship is a waste of your time and efforts.
sure, you must work at a relationship, but not like this.
gio and i have never had a fight that anyone had to side in it.
in fact, gio and i have never had a big enough fight that anyone had to really know about it.
if either or us says something that irritates the other, within a few minutes we both apologize and tell each other we do not like to fight with the other one.
that is the truth, neither of us want to argue.
we try our best not to do anything that would cause a conflict with the other one out of love and respect.
we also try our best to be understanding when the other one of us does something.
life is not about being so confrontational all the time.