How not to become slave labor?

[logicallefty]

Started seeing someone new recently. I just ended a 1 year LTR which was hard for me to do but all the signs were there that I had to do it. I was seriously going to take a break. I haven't had much of a sex drive at all lately or a lot of spare time.. But the new women is a friend of a friend who has liked me for years. Plus, she and I went to school together when we were like 6-7 years old so she is not a total stranger per se. Literally the day I ended the LTR the mutual friend told her "Lefty is single now, you better make your move and do it fast because he don't stay that way for long!" So she casted her hook through Facebook and played no games about her intentions with me, and I Lefty bit the hook.

She has asked me to transport a few things in my truck for her a couple of times which didn't take much of my time and I really didn't mind. She lives further out in the country than I do and doesn't have a truck and I know how hard that would be. Living in the country in Illinois (or anywhere) with no truck is very challenging.

I'm just trying to figure out when I draw the line. It seems like a pattern where if I keep doing it she is going to keep asking. Like I said I don't really mind but I don't want her to start disrespecting me for it either. I don't want her to start seeing me as a slave vs a man.

Any advise, fellas? Experiences with this?

 

[ubercat]

Welcome to the boyfriend tax. This was the main reason I nexted my ex. And yes women with this will get worse over time.

I would leave a few ads for used trucks on the kitchen table next time yr over and play innocent if she brings it up.

Option b what's up with her s*** but give her jobs as well. Bake u a cake or whatever.

Option c take it out in flesh. But that's really more useful for younger guys so it's my least preferred option.

 

[dustmuffin]

Always ask for something in return. That way you are both invested. Maybe buy gas for your truck? Cook you dinner?

 

[exhausted]

Started seeing someone new recently. I just ended a 1 year LTR which was hard for me to do but all the signs were there that I had to do it. I was seriously going to take a break. I haven't had much of a sex drive at all lately or a lot of spare time.. But the new women is a friend of a friend who has liked me for years. Plus, she and I went to school together when we were like 6-7 years old so she is not a total stranger per se. Literally the day I ended the LTR the mutual friend told her "Lefty is single now, you better make your move and do it fast because he don't stay that way for long!" So she casted her hook through Facebook and played no games about her intentions with me, and I Lefty bit the hook.

She has asked me to transport a few things in my truck for her a couple of times which didn't take much of my time and I really didn't mind. She lives further out in the country than I do and doesn't have a truck and I know how hard that would be. Living in the country in Illinois (or anywhere) with no truck is very challenging.

I'm just trying to figure out when I draw the line. It seems like a pattern where if I keep doing it she is going to keep asking. Like I said I don't really mind but I don't want her to start disrespecting me for it either. I don't want her to start seeing me as a slave vs a man.

Any advise, fellas? Experiences with this?

Is she reciprocating in any way?
Like have dinner made for you or is very thankful and appreciative and shows it with affection?
Or is she just like an entitled brat who thinks this is what is expected?
If a woman is appreciative of me and reciprocates I dont mind to go out of my way, but if she is an entitled unappreciative brat then I find reasons not to make the effort.
I was mowing grass at my moms this summer and my ex texted and told me to come see her, I said I had to get something to eat for dinner after and with the 45 min drive to her house I did not have time, unless she wanted to make me dinner then I would be there. She declined, so I did not go. When she complained I told her I was helping my mom and if she really wanted to see me she would have made the effort to throw something tog quickly since I was making that drive which was out of my way.... if u have a girl like this it is a waste of time

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lefty,
Well when you have it worked out please let me know...I have become Slave Labour to all my LTR's and several of my plates over a life time...Why,why,why?....I dunno...could be that as my Mum used to say...Some of us come into life with a saddle and bridle others with a whip and set of spurs LOL.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

One thing that's worked for me is to tell a "story" that happened to one of your friends, with a bad result.

When she asks you to move something, start chuckling to yourself. She'll ask why, then say something like this:

"I just heard from a buddy of mine. He told me his girlfriend kept asking to borrow his car, and it became a huge issue, and they broke up because of it," DO NOT make it obvious you are obliquely referring to her, let her notice the similarities, and then start to wonder.

Just leave that in her brain to spin round a few times.

 

[logicallefty]

Hey Lefty it's not altogether clear to me how long you guys have been together. Has it been days, weeks, or months?

Been seeing her for only a few weeks. But like I said she wasn't a complete stranger before that.

Regarding what she has done for me she has taken me out to dinner twice to one of my favorite backwoods restaurants which is right by her house, coincidentally. And she has cooked once for me at her place. And sex hasn't been a problem either we hit the ground running with that one.

I'm thinking more with the attraction factor. Will she become unattracted to me if I keep doing sh!t for her? I know these early days in a relationship can be really volatile. That's what worries me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

As long as you're still bending her over, everything is fine.

 

[exhausted]

Been seeing her for only a few weeks. But like I said she wasn't a complete stranger before that.

Regarding what she has done for me she has taken me out to dinner twice to one of my favorite backwoods restaurants which is right by her house, coincidentally. And she has cooked once for me at her place. And sex hasn't been a problem either we hit the ground running with that one.

I'm thinking more with the attraction factor. Will she become unattracted to me if I keep doing sh!t for her? I know these early days in a relationship can be really volatile. That's what worries me.

If she is around the same age, 40ish, then I say everything you do she will appreciate. A woman of that age and experience knows how difficult life can be and will be appreciative of you being able to help her with things as petty as hauling this or that. Something small like that will go a long way for her and she is showing it by taking you to dinner a few times, cooking for you and giving it up to you without hesitation. Appreciation goes a long way for both people in a relationship.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lefty,
A Woman in her Forties who owns her own home soon finds the hollowness in Feminist boasts like Women can do it...Frankly,unless they have a lot of Money,they can't...Houses are bottomless pits of Maintenance,looking after them is a never ending job...Once an Older Woman of property finds a Guy who can fix things,she latches on to him...If he is reasonably acceptable then he has an endless source of Pvussy,home cooking and a button sower onner...The problem I have found,is keeping a together but living apart relationship,they always want more!

 

[MOTU]

Lefty, I don't have anything to add to the great thoughts above. I just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear the last chick didn't work out. Before the boards went down, it seemed like things were going well.

Hang in there homie, the right b!tch will come along!

 

[Desdinova]

Always ask for something in return. That way you are both invested. Maybe buy gas for your truck? Cook you dinner?

You can really establish your frame in the relationship by doing this.

Her: Could you help me move some suff on Saturday?
You: Sure, then you can cook us dinner afterwards

When you do this with someone who's not attracted to you, they'll take it as something a bit offensive. When you do it with someone who is attracted to you, they'll happily oblige. Not only do you establish your frame, it's also a 5hit test to find out their interest level. Get a response from her and act accordingly.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Another option is to do it according to a limited schedule that you set. Instead of accommodating her schedule, you can say "I can do it on such and such a day for about two hours and then stick to it. This forces her to see the value of your time, lets her know that you're doing her a favor, and forces her to accommodate your own parameters.

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks for all of the replies fellas. This is an interesting woman for sure. Different dynamic than I have had before... We got into a little talk yesterday about expectations in the relationship. She asked me where I stood with her point blank and I said "I'd like to take our time and see what happens. I don't want to rush anything. No need for that". Then I asked her the same question point blank and she dodged it.. Then said she was busy and she would tell me after work and I said ok.. Then last night said she would tell me tomorrow (today) because she was too tired to answer... I said "No, sorry, that doesn't work for me.. I gave you the respect of a direct answer to the question you asked, and I need the same respect in return".. She still didn't answer me. So I said "well, then I will have to answer it for myself. We are done.. I won't play your silly games". She was texting me all night and into the morning.. Called me all kinds of crap and uttered a bunch of crazy woman babble.. Not sure if I want this or not. She is kind of a baby.. to be continued..... Oh BTW anyone curious, she is 39, will be 40 in December..

 

[exhausted]

Thanks for all of the replies fellas. This is an interesting woman for sure. Different dynamic than I have had before... We got into a little talk yesterday about expectations in the relationship. She asked me where I stood with her point blank and I said "I'd like to take our time and see what happens. I don't want to rush anything. No need for that". Then I asked her the same question point blank and she dodged it.. Then said she was busy and she would tell me after work and I said ok.. Then last night said she would tell me tomorrow (today) because she was too tired to answer... I said "No, sorry, that doesn't work for me.. I gave you the respect of a direct answer to the question you asked, and I need the same respect in return".. She still didn't answer me. So I said "well, then I will have to answer it for myself. We are done.. I won't play your silly games". She was texting me all night and into the morning.. Called me all kinds of crap and uttered a bunch of crazy woman babble.. Not sure if I want this or not. She is kind of a baby.. to be continued..... Oh BTW anyone curious, she is 39, will be 40 in December..

Wow that was a quick red flag for sure. What would have been so hard to answer the same as you? You pretty much said it is early but I think you are of value and I want to continue and see where it goes. And she could not even reply the same? So instead of taking responsibility she goes ahead and slanders you and shows emotional instability. It is your choice, good luck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Taking a woman's words seriously never ends well. You should have brushed off her question, and not asked it in return. Who cares what her answer is? It's all just meaningless words. Don't ever take anything a woman says seriously.

 

[speed dawg]

I agree with Bible_Belt, should have turned that into some type of joke.

I sense a little declining IL, not going to lie. Don't be so 'serious' with her, if that makes any sense.

 

[ubercat]

Is it possible you re trying to accelerate this relationship to 'pick up where u left off' with the last one?

 

[logicallefty]

Is it possible you re trying to accelerate this relationship to 'pick up where u left off' with the last one?

Actually, no. I honestly hadn't planned this relationship with this HB. After I ended the last LTR I told myself I was going to take a break. But this HB has liked me for about 10 years.. It wasn't a day after I finally ended the last LTR I had, I told one of my buddies that we mutually know, he told HB, and she messaged me immediately... Didn't play games just "hey I want to see you". I have actually thought of her too but didn't pursue it because either she or I had someone else, this is the first time in 10 years that neither of us had anyone else.. So good question, but no, I honestly wasn't trying to pick up where I left off..

Just an update, tho.. I did just put the kibosh on the relationship today. In her defense she does have a lot going on and I get that, but in the past 2 weeks we have only got together once, and that was for a 45 minute lunch break. I had asked her out Saturday night and she was too busy.. But then she hinted like she wanted me to come help her clean our her storage unit. I did that once and don't feel inclined to do it again.. So I told her today that I didn't think our schedules were in alignment enough to date right now and that I would talk to her after Christmas.. She got really mad and told me I was a selfish pr|ck for not understanding all she is going through. I told her I do understand but that 1 lunch date in 2 weeks didn't work for me at all. She wants to text me, and call me, almost constantly. But I feel I will slip into the friend zone if it keeps up status quo.. So I'm giving her a few months to miss me and then I will try again.. If she doesn't want to see me, no harm no fowl.. I have no emotional attachment to her.

 

[dustmuffin]

Actually, no. I honestly hadn't planned this relationship with this HB. After I ended the last LTR I told myself I was going to take a break. But this HB has liked me for about 10 years.. It wasn't a day after I finally ended the last LTR I had, I told one of my buddies that we mutually know, he told HB, and she messaged me immediately... Didn't play games just "hey I want to see you". I have actually thought of her too but didn't pursue it because either she or I had someone else, this is the first time in 10 years that neither of us had anyone else.. So good question, but no, I honestly wasn't trying to pick up where I left off..

Just an update, tho.. I did just put the kibosh on the relationship today. In her defense she does have a lot going on and I get that, but in the past 2 weeks we have only got together once, and that was for a 45 minute lunch break. I had asked her out Saturday night and she was too busy.. But then she hinted like she wanted me to come help her clean our her storage unit. I did that once and don't feel inclined to do it again.. So I told her today that I didn't think our schedules were in alignment enough to date right now and that I would talk to her after Christmas.. She got really mad and told me I was a selfish pr|ck for not understanding all she is going through. I told her I do understand but that 1 lunch date in 2 weeks didn't work for me at all. She wants to text me, and call me, almost constantly. But I feel I will slip into the friend zone if it keeps up status quo.. So I'm giving her a few months to miss me and then I will try again.. If she doesn't want to see me, no harm no fowl.. I have no emotional attachment to her.

Good plan