how much validation should you give?

[big weezy]

i tried picking up this chick off pof before but i knew i wasn't her type physically or ethnically but we both had tennis in common, she ignored my messages initially then we started talking. i left it for a bit then few months later started chatting to her again, basically i called her out jokingly for being an attention wh0re.. she kept trying to qualify me in some messages like 'what 5 things would you say is good about you that should make me want to date you?'

i just ignored any qualifying questions and gave my own. so i left it for a couple weeks over xmas. then we started talking last week, and i got a sense from her she was little more interested by my online personality, i reached a hook point and went for the number (beforre she just ignored it) but she said 'call me, no texts' this told me 2 things that she's an experienced online dater knowing if you meet someone in person without talking on phone first then they're usually different. she was screening me basically.

i called her last night, didn't think the convo went that well and she couldn't meet this weekend cos she was moving her stuff back to her old place and didn't really offer another time. i took this as a low IL sign, but suggested we continue this some other time and she said during the week next week. but i still had a sense of she's not interested, never mind move on. she texts me today 'hey it was nice chatting to you last night. hope you had a good workout!' usually this is a good sign of high IL but given she's an attention wh0re she probably was just seeking validation that i'm still interested. i texted back about half an hour later (when i talk to her on pof normally i'd just reply straight away, no games)

i didn't say anything that needed a reply but it is good if she did 'i did. you must have practised your seductive phone voice just for me! i look forward to seeing what sexy outfit you have in store for me for our drink..' the seductive voice thing was a callback humor joke from day before where i said she had a day to practise her sexy phone voice for when i called the next day. in these circumstances and a message she sends like that, how much validation should you give? the original plan was to contact her next week on tues and set up the date.

 

[big weezy]

i should mention also that until 2 days ago she only kept 3 pics up on her profile, now suddenly since tues she put up a pic of herself of just the neck down from a distance basically showcasing her outfit and killer body. long fitted long sleeve t skinny jeans and high heels. she has an absolute killer body but that's her main profile pic which tells me she was fishing for more messages as she wasn't getting many. classic attention wh0ring.

 

[big weezy]

anyway it went a bit further, she texts me 'good morning how are you?' on tues morning before i had planned to send the text asking her out, so i proceed to ask her out in response offering weds or thurs.. no reply till 7pm her: i have work drinks on thurs so not a good day!x

i made afc mistake and sent back: 'i mentioned weds too..?'

no response. at this point i was just annoyed with myself leading myself on with an attention wh0re, i basically had it out with her the next day calling her out on not being serious about meeting (i already asked her out twice by text by now and prior to that on pof much earlier at least twice) so i told her straight i wasn't chasing anymore and it was her to have to offer the time now.

she gave me some BS reason about being busy and to be more patient and next week would be better.. i though 'f this classic attention wh0ring thing to keep me chasing' that's why i premeditatedly said i wasn't going to ask her out anymore. she got stroppy and in the evening sent me some long text about how she really was looking forward to meeting me and that had i been more patient it would have happened and that meeting a guy off the internet wa the least of her priorities i.e. i was the lowest on her priority list and that i should learn from this mistake in future. i was inclined not to reply but i thought f it i got nothing to lose, i basically addressed her points saying that i would never tell someone they were the bottom of their priorities and that even though im a stranger it doesn't mean i should be treated a second class citizen which is essentially what she said. i said that no mistake/lesson was to be learned cos if she was genuinely interested she would have dropped everything to come meet me, which she didnt and that her attitude in her last text told me she wasn't the girl for me..

end. this was last wednesday, see i bet she was expecting me to apologize or be afc or cave in but i turned round what she said in her text to be the reason for me to lose interest in her.

fast forward to today, at just before 11pm she calls me, i dont answer.

i know well enough now that at this initial stage she's just testing to see if she's got me, and some advice i got on here was to decline until she offers a third time as it reduces the possibility of flaking.. as we both know if she's being this difficult to meet up with she's definitely a flaker.

i've done the right move not taking her call, she could either go one of two ways.. think ok f him and be done with it.. or she might actually think she had little power over me..

would you guys have taken the call or call back?

im of a mindset wait until she contacts a third time before i agree to anything. make her chase.

 

[Rainman4707]

Hi.

After reading your first entry I would of NEXTED her, but she has contacted you so in my opinion wait for her to contact you again because after all she did insult you.

She also sounds a bit crazy hahaha, but aren't they all especially on POF.

 

[thelastmanonearth]

I let *****y women have it all the time online if I can tell they are just seeking attention from as many guys as they can string along. I have a Doctor Phil mode I slip into and just tear them to shreds, it's hilarious to read the responses they put up sometimes, and it's usually the really pretty ones that are feeling around for possible gold that are the best, they rage hard! They don't all get this treatment, only the real feelers that basically want to background check you and give you twenty questions before they will even start a conversation with you.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Smart. **** not taking the call. Your analysis is correct, she could either say Fvck it, or attempt one more time. if she tries to contact again, respond, cause' now you got her invested

 

[big weezy]

Ok I caved in a bit. On monday I text her: 'I've been away the past week only seen my missed calls now. You called on Weds'

Didn't want to commit much just acknowledge her call.

She calls me today, but I was switching phones so received a miss call text. I called her half an hour later when I pulled up to the gym car park. I didn't really know how to handle this call, as in what purpose, I just told myself not to offer a time to meet as I'll go back on what I said before in my previous text about not offering to meet up.

I just talked as per normal, not really saying much, kinda boring convo didn't feel I should be impressing her and thinking she just wants validation. I said to her it's chinese new year on fri is she going to celebrate it with me? She said she would if I invite her. I took that as an opportunity to ask her out. I handled it wrong I think I should have asked when she was free..I said let's get together on Sat, she goes 'I don't know what I'm doing yet' I thought f sake usual flakey BS stuff, I don't really know what to say to be assertive, so I suggest Sun speculatively, I said 7 she said she can't say till she knows what she's doing.

I knew this would turn out this way, her IL is too low and she's just seeking valdiation. I'm just not going to contact her on Sun as I said I would speculatively.

At this point all I'm doing is offering times and she's not giving me a yes, she just wants validation and me to chase. I'm better off just not contacting her and waiting and see if she asks why I didn't offer a time where I can throw it back at her. I should have qualified her when she said 'if u invite me' like with 'well should I invite u?

What would u guys have said instead? I feel stupid for offering a time, I'm just gona not contact her this weekend cos she didn't offer me a firm yes, she'll just be waiting for me to chase.