how much permissive with your gf is ok

[pyros]

I mean, there are guys that would like to keep their girls in a cage so they won't be able to cheat on them ever but that is too extreme and not realistic.
There are other guys that are totally permisive so they just let their gfs do whatever they want. She wants to go to party with her friends? ok. She wants to hang out with that guy friend of hers? fine. She wants to keep chatting with random guys? ok whatever.
This is not the way either if you ask me...

These guys believe that if she wants to cheat on you, she will no matter what, so why worry about it?
well it is the same with children. If you let them do whatever they want, they end up spoiled and loose all respect for you.

Almost every woman likes it when her boyfriend gets a little bit jelaous or is a bit possesive. They understand that he is protecting his "stuff", and thus he cares about her.


Well, my question is...how much possesive/permissive should you be?
You dont have to put her in a cage, but you should not be absolutely permissive either. Neither of these two options are good in the long run.

So...where is the limit?
I can think of a few things where it gets tricky, for example, should you let her...:

a) Hang out with a guy friend of hers.
b) Go to party and dance with other guys.
c) Text a lot and have that suspicious relationship with a guy friend of hers.
d) Join an activity/hobby where there a a lot of guys.
e) Like other guys selfies oh FB.
f) Accept 'guys she barely knows' friend request on FB.

You get the point.
Thoughts?

 

[jurry]

The entire premise of this question is backwards and makes two anti-DJ assumptions:

1. You are worried about losing her and another guy taking her away..

2. That you should or shouldnt be permissive of XYZ behavior when it is HER that should be concerned about YOUR behavior.

A man of value and options doesn't have these concerns, he would be totally ok with her moving on and finding someone else because that means he can go back to smashing multiple plates and new girls, whats the problem?

A man of value gives his exclusivity to a woman. A woman gives up her pvssy, she wants the exclusivity in return.

If her actions are not illustrating that reality and she isnt making it abundantly clear that you are the only one she wants (you have to even question it to begin with for instance), then you shouldnt be exclusive with her.

Cut and dry, end of story.

 

[devilkingx2]

don't let her do anything that you or your most DJ friend could get action if you/they did it with a girl.

for example, she can go out to hang out with a guy friend in a mcdonalds or something because that's a public place, all they can do is sit and hang out

continuing that example, she's not allowed to go watch a movie at his house because thats the perfect opportunity for them to do it. and think about it, what girl that doesn't want your D is gonna come to your house?

just apply that principle and you'll figure it out

 

[Lozboss]

don't let her do anything that you or your most DJ friend could get action if you/they did it with a girl.

for example, she can go out to hang out with a guy friend in a mcdonalds or something because that's a public place, all they can do is sit and hang out

continuing that example, she's not allowed to go watch a movie at his house because thats the perfect opportunity for them to do it. and think about it, what girl that doesn't want your D is gonna come to your house?

just apply that principle and you'll figure it out

This is 100%. Being possessive or controlling will push her away.

However, be sensible and use context.

The only issue I struggle with as a 'is it ok or not' is when my ex went out with her girl mates and there were male friends of her girl mates there. I was ok with it as my thought was:

'Nothing will happen as she's only interested in me, if something does I'll kick her to the kerb'

 

[pyros]

The entire premise of this question is backwards and makes two anti-DJ assumptions:

1. You are worried about losing her and another guy taking her away..

2. That you should or shouldnt be permissive of XYZ behavior when it is HER that should be concerned about YOUR behavior.

A man of value and options doesn't have these concerns, he would be totally ok with her moving on and finding someone else because that means he can go back to smashing multiple plates and new girls, whats the problem?

A man of value gives his exclusivity to a woman. A woman gives up her pvssy, she wants the exclusivity in return.

If her actions are not illustrating that reality and she isnt making it abundantly clear that you are the only one she wants (you have to even question it to begin with for instance), then you shouldnt be exclusive with her.

Cut and dry, end of story.

since the vast majority of us are not celebrities or singers with hundreds of women throwing themselves at us, and we're not millionare or are super pickup artists, if you find a woman you care about, you think she's quality etc, it is not that easy to replace her, so this is why you worry. Its perfectly normal.

I also worry about boundaries not just because she could cheat on me, I worry because I know that if you set boundaries the relationship is actually stronger, she respects you more, and everything turns out better. Same applies with children and with dogs. If you're firm in your beliefs/thoughts/boundaries, they behave way better than if your too permissive and flexible.

Anyway, we all know that a regular woman has hundreds of times more options to have sex than a guy, so if you're a guy, even if you have tight game, you're at a disadvantage. Any semi cute woman can go out and find a guy to have sex with the any time. We cannot compete with this.

 

[salinechow]

Anyway, we all know that a regular woman has hundreds of times more options to have sex than a guy, so if you're a guy, even if you have tight game, you're at a disadvantage. Any semi cute woman can go out and find a guy to have sex with the any time. We cannot compete with this.

Luv ya Pyros. Sort of. But speak for yourself sir. Actually dont do that either.

I absolutely can compete with this. You and I both could go out and have just as many options as our "hers" the very next day. Takes a little more work than a girl would have to do, but it is definitely as available to you and I, as much as it is them.

I got a girl now whom I really care for. Good chick mostly, hell, Ill even say I love her. Yet, she drops me, the relationship dissolves, or I need to walk for any reason,...I will be a force to reckon with on the PU scene within 12-24hrs. And so would you.

Why?

How?

Because the whole time you are dating someone you...

Still crush it at the gym
Still pursue hobbies and work with vigor and excellence
Still maintain abundance mindset (I dont not actively spin plates but I am well aware of my own SMV in the world)
Still believe I am an asset and a value in her life as much as I enjoy her in mine. And...I would be to any other female I chose or that chose to mingle with me should I hit the open market again.

Whats great... All that makes me a better BF to my current girl.

It allows me to be me and value myself and it allows her to breathe and miss me. It allows her to want to earn me and I her. It keeps everybody in pursuit instead of complacent. Knowing everyday that I dont "need" her or a her at all...makes it a choice to stay. When it is a choice, you love better. When you believe that, they feel it. When they feel that, they respect it. Its a better form of love.


A couple of quotes to illustrate.

"Love is not looking into each others eyes but looking off into the same direction"

"Leadership is not controlling the team, it is showing the team, by example"

"Love is blind. But I am not"

 

[Desdinova]

As a general rule, set boundaries but at the same time if you think she is predisposed to want to go out and do sketchy stuff, don't even bother committing to begin with.

Exactly. Pre-selection is the key. If she mainly has female friends and the occasional guy who tries to become involved in her life, then she's going to be better quality as far as commitment goes. However, if the female friends are absent and she's being smothered by other guys, then she's a wh0re, be it attention or sexual. She's good for a lay or as an orbiter and nothing more.

If she's generally surrounded by female friends and 1 year into the relationship she brings up some guy who wants to go for coffee with her and asks your permission, then she has some level of interest in him. In that case, you either need to step up your relationship game or drop her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Having some side action for yourself is a very effective way to not give a sh!t what she does.

 

[jurry]

since the vast majority of us are not celebrities or singers with hundreds of women throwing themselves at us, and we're not millionare or are super pickup artists, if you find a woman you care about, you think she's quality etc, it is not that easy to replace her, so this is why you worry. Its perfectly normal.

No one said you need to be a rock star with hundreds of girls throwing themselves at you, you just need to have respect for yourself and know you have options. Otherwise, her value to you is really not based on your attraction to her it is based on your fear of losing her and the difficulty of replacing her. You may be right that it is considered normal, doesnt mean you should behave that way. Its also normal to slave away in a cubicle for 50 years throwing your money away on empty materialism, does that mean you should do it?

I also worry about boundaries not just because she could cheat on me, I worry because I know that if you set boundaries the relationship is actually stronger, she respects you more, and everything turns out better. Same applies with children and with dogs. If you're firm in your beliefs/thoughts/boundaries, they behave way better than if your too permissive and flexible.

I've never found this to be the case. Certainly you have standards and expectations, and if they are not met then you walk.. But if you find yourself having to patrol and scrutinize her behavior you are doing something wrong because this is based off of fear, not strength.

Anyway, we all know that a regular woman has hundreds of times more options to have sex than a guy, so if you're a guy, even if you have tight game, you're at a disadvantage. Any semi cute woman can go out and find a guy to have sex with the any time. We cannot compete with this.

Women do not want to go out and have sex with any guy at any time, that is not their biology. They want the man of value and they want just him. If you are not that guy to them, it will be obvious. If you are that guy, that will also be obvious.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I always have this conversation with a girl sooner than expected, lol. My only rule in a relationship is that I can do what she does. I'll let her choose where we take it from there. If she wants to only see each other exclusively i'm fine with that, I prefer that. If she want's to hang out with dudes, i'm going to play the game and hang out with girls.

What really happens is that I stop going down on her and privately downgrade her to a plate, stop taking her so seriously and continue gaming. To be honest all my friends are delinquents and HOs so i'm enjoying my nights for sure with her or without her and they are all long nights guaranteed. No shortage of things to do in South Florida that's for sure.

What i'm not going to do is take a relationship seriously with a girl that pretends her male friends don't just want to bang her. I've been on both sides of that fence and it's covered in bulllshiit.