how much is too much

[antonov]

hey,
i'v been seeing this girl for 6 months now. it started off really well, and i thot she was just perfect. but every now and then, and its getting more and more everytime, she shows a side of hers thats (or at least i find) crazy, overly insecure, hyper analysing etc etc. that leads to fights on like the smallest of issues.....
eg- was talking t her on the phone,
she got another call, and asked me t hold and put me on hold.
recently she had been putting me on hold for a long time, and i was really busy that day, so i didnt hold, and waited fr her t call back. when she did, all hell broke lose as to y i dint hold. i know she had asked me to hold, but she didnt give me achance t tell her that i was busy. she thinks 'something changed' cos i always used to hold earlier.

phew.

thats like the dumbest fight i cud ever have with anyone, cos i know its nothing if u talk about it. but she just reacts soo explosively, gets me all worked up,,, that litl fights r wasting the entire day... i have like a thousand such litl fights t giv examples of, but this was th most recen.
now, itcs come to a point where i'm wondering if this is the way its gonna be forever, cos i dont want tfight like this... its just stupid.
but she wasnt like this before,,, only glimpses earlier, now its increasing.

my question is... where do you draw the line? how do you know if 'shes just having a mood swing'
or 'shes just like this n is crazy' aaaaaah

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I dated a woman for over a year who was like this. It never goes away. It only gets worse.

They'll always find something, because it keeps things interesting. Many women like to be on a rollercoaster of emotion, and they'll make one just to take the ride. Eventually if they lose interest, they use the fights that they start as an easy justification for "it's just not working out."

Sometimes they start fights without wanting the rollercoaster, but specifically to create a tense environment where it makes it easy to break you two up. Try telling her that you think the two of you should talk less or see each other less because it seems like the two of you are fighting a lot. See what she does.

If she agrees, then she was already on her way out before you said anything.

If she disagrees and gets upset, it may change her behavior. Sometimes an intense conversation followed by steady reinforcement is effective at changing behavior. I don't know her, so I wouldn't want to rule out that it's unintentional and she really does just think that little stuff like that is a big deal.

BTW you can always flip that conversation on her. She kept you on hold for too long. That's the initial disrespectful act, and you didn't take it because you hung up.

 

[terran2k]

yup, it takes 6 months or so for all their crazy to show up. and yes that's how it will be forever. there may be times when she's okay for a while, but she'll pick fights again shortly afterwards. girls like that just cannot stand things being okay, they need to feed on the drama. Get out now and save yourself the heartache.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You should have already established the rule, no picking up other calls when she's talking to you.

I have 2 rules with women - No call waiting pickups, and no cell phones on dates. No exceptions (except true emergencies).

But terran2k is right. You'd better start preparing to pull the "eject" handle 'cause it's only going to get worse.

My advice is to force her hand. Sit down and establish phone guidelines. IF she freaks, you will know what to do.

By the way, I've noticed that women generally respond well to rules stated as "guidelines for us". They hate the word, "rules", but they instinctively know they need rules set for them, so they will gladly accept any replacement word.

But whatever you call them, be sure to set them down in stone. You're the man. You set the rules.

 

[antonov]

this is exactly my question.... is she a girl like 'that', who feeds on the drama.. now i dont know how much drama is 'normal'.. girls always want drama... where do you draw the line.. where do u accept the guy girl difference n accept it as a part of the relationship n where do you put ur foot down?..

in every fight of ours, she always picks something i did up n makes it out like its soooo bad, n convinces me its my fault... n i'm left wondering wtf did i do?
so i think "fiinne its mayb my fault" n i say t myself that i'l do everything right on my part n see if she still fights just for the sake of it... but thats impossible. u cant always be perfect, n the slightest slip up is an explosion for her. but i cant argue, cos i did do 'something', cos its very easy to point out a mistake on either sides in an argument. she'l just point out wat i did, n say its my fault. i feel like having a court hearing for some of the fights.. theyr just plain retarded. but she'l explain to me that she did it cos she was feeling a certain way bcos of something i had done earlier that lead to her reacting like this right now blah blah

i want to know whats 'normal'. how much drama is normal.