How much, how far and how fast? Figuring out escalation in a new city.

[rocket87]

Just as a preface, I am going to compact this as much as possible so that I don't waste your time and so that others can learn from my mistakes.


I moved recently due to being done with school and scoring a killer job. :rockon: Time for real life. More on this in a sec.

In the last 1-2 years, I completely overcame the "artificiality hurdle" of game/DJ and became quite the natural (I haven't used canned game in years. It's purely situational game/talking to women/being myself/looking good/etc.) So, I'm no pro, but I would say I am pretty good with this sh!t after studying/practicing for however many years, because:

I am getting at least a number a day, if not more. Strictly 7s and up. Every single set that I consider "approachable," I approach. 9s, 10s (rare as sh!t! more reason to try!) Practice makes perfect. My approaches? Successful.. Almost always. It usually ends up with a number, a facebook, whatever. Boyfriend or not. I just DO it. And the obvious, exact reason is because:

I moved. I am now literally surrounded by attractive women and it's almost too easy to run game since the opportunities are endless..

Here's my question.

I have been dealing with what a reasonable, logical male would consider extraordinarily "flakey" women lately. I am not using the word extraordinarily lightly. It's literally extremely out of the ordinary what is happening (based on past experiences); and I've decided to zoom out a bit and consider that there is a noteworthy chance that the women in fact aren't flakey - That perhaps it is me, something about me, my attitude, inner game, anything, whatever it is - That is causing these situations to happen.


Two quick examples. (Again, these could get extremely detailed, but I'll make it simple.)

This past weekend, my newly-met, male roommate and I went out to town (we live within walking distance of bars/etc.) with the goal of going to check out the night life near home. Within literally five minutes of walking into town, and five minutes away from home, we had opened a 2 set; talked to them about what they were up to/doing (same boat as us), asked if they smoked/drank/etc., and took them back to our apartment to chill. They both work as models and are going to school. Seriously gorgeous girls. Keep in mind this is the first "wing" situation I've almost ever been in, let alone with my roommate who I just met a few weeks prior. So it was absolutely amazing how everything went down. The night went awesome, each girl ended up in our respective bed. However, here's where it's all fu#ked up. We both got to "pre-makeout" stage, where basically it was super close to escalating to everything else from there - For me, my girl and I were in my bed, she was around my arm laying down and we were watching some random scary movie together... couldn't have been a better setup. One of the girls had a wedding to go to in the morning (babysitting), and they had to go home eventually (not abruptly, she had been mentioning it). It was late, around 4AM, and that kind of dented the progress of the night since one of them had to wakeup in a couple hours.. understandable. So we (roomie and I) both made a decision to "pause" this and continue it later. We exchanged numbers with the girls, set them off, and that was it. The girls never responded to either of our later attempts to contact. (a single call/text 1-2 days later). We had spent maybe 4 hours together total that night.

Second example.

I was out shopping right when I moved in and asked this random girl where a store was, legitimately trying to find the store. We ended up talking for about 30 minutes, went to breakfast the next sunday, she came over the next Saturday night (all while texting me through the week), and then disappeared off the face of the Earth after that next hang out. As far as escalation goes, this girl and I were at that same pre-makeoutish stage where we were kissing each other hello/goodbye, playfully touching, etc. but there were no sexy, secluded opportunities at a full-on makeout (Maybe there were plenty of 'opportunities', and I didn't take advantage of said opportunities because I am not being aggressive enough?) Again, we had spent maybe 4-5 hours together total.



Now, I can see how this could be hard to accept, but I am totally willing to acknowledge stupid mistakes and eat my defeat, because that is how we best learn towards the future. So by all means, please be harsh, sh!t on me, whatever you want, because this needs to stop happening.

Personally, I am torn whether or not I am not escalating enough, or if I am moving too fast. From experiences prior, 1-2 hours with a girl is enough to make out so I am leaning towards the fact that I am simply not being aggressive enough. Perhaps all I need is a fellow DJ to tell me that I simply need to escalate much, much sooner, and all will be well ("just go for it" type thing; almost rushing into a kiss/makeout opportunity the second I see one/make one up/decide it's been 2-3 hours.) What do you guys think? :kick:

 

[bigneil]

It takes time to adjust to a new city. The male/female ratio, local attitudes, and frequency of returned calls varies greatly between areas based on supply and demand.

In Boston for example if you get a phone number you are pretty much guaranteed a date. In Orlando however you're lucky if they remember your name when you call them.

It sounds like you're off to a great start though. Remember: new girls can often flake but if you handle it smoothly they often return a few weeks later after subconsciously "clearing" you. So don't give up on the ones you just met either. You'll bump into them again as you become more popular in town so stay on good terms.

 

[rocket87]

It sounds like you're off to a great start though. Remember: new girls can often flake but if you handle it smoothly they often return a few weeks later after subconsciously "clearing" you. So don't give up on the ones you just met.

Thanks. I think so too. I have been using my free time efficiently in terms of meeting women and it's really paid off. The amount of sheer human interaction I've experienced in the past month is incredible. Guys, girls, models, bosses, new co-workers, bums, gym-goers, whatever. The path towards complete independence is truly a rewarding one.

I was thinking about that second part of what you said, the fact that it's definitely not worth throwing away old opportunities (I would say it's a pretty common vibe that most agree to "try again later"). But... I am well convinced that after a girl ignores a witty text/phone call, their interest levels are obviously lower than they should be for continuing anything significant. My logic for this is mixed between two distinct reasons,

1. I am busy as ALL HELL with personal things, moving 2300 miles away, bi-weekly flights for work, arranging dates, meeting new people, setting up a new apartment, exploring a new city, etc., and I for sure can still manage a couple 15-second text messages here and there to someone I had just spent 3-4 hours with. This is a sure sign someone doesn't give a sh!t. Unless I am just a magical multi-tasking superhero, which I don't necessary believe is the case.

2. I've always just kind of forgotten about it. And the reason I forget is because I take a woman's growing lack of response as an increasingly 'rude' vibe. I don't see it as offensive, but moreso just confusing, rude, and frankly annoying behavior. I think this is an internal (and beneficial) way to justify rejection; instead of gloating about it.

^ Which is why I am here posting. I'm not pissed about the two examples. They came and gone. It's time to learn and better myself for my future, and hopefully some others can learn in the process.


Do you understand my mindset regarding any "3-week-later-try-again" routines? If you think (or know from experience) something that nullifies those points, do tell. I'd love to try it and would be happy to report back.

I digress about my remaining situation though. I think girls here want to get fu#ked fast, and I'm simply not used to it being as easy as it is.