How much failure does one go through before they start succeeding?

[Tomo]

This is going to be probably one of my few honest posts after a night out that has left me feeling rather disappointed in myself. I got to this site a few years back and thank god I did or I fear whom I'd still be right now. Through those years I kept thinking I was improving myself, that I was doing well but looking back I am now not sure. How many stuff ups I've been through I cannot imagine and it is not until the end of last year that I really got my act together. Now I can say my life is truly on the go. A steady fitness plan and eating right means my body is starting to reap the rewards. My hobbies keep my mind at bay. My study (immense being a medical related degree) takes up a lot of my time and I am finally knuckling down and trying to hit the books.

Yet I keep kicking myself as to why it has taken me this long to get here. Glaringly it has taken even longer for me to get to where I want to be with woman. This sucks still. I'm no longer afraid to chat up any random. Yet I am still struggling with escalating and projecting whom I want to be. Last year I lost my virginity finally (I found it more a pressure to lose than something to keep). Yet that relationship ended faster than bullet. Ever since, I have gone through a dry spell not helped by the increasing demands of my study and me plowing head first into my hobbies. I guess woman have taken a back seat but when opportunities present, I then fail to meet up to it. Heck, from a few posts back, I can honestly admit I still fixate on woman and take signs and interests when there were none.

Last night was the first in a while that I went out - typical university wide party. 3 girls whom I could have escalated and pushed for but for the hell of me, I was rusty as and lost one to a friend and the others disappeared. As such I walked home kicking myself about whom I'd become. I guess I am simply fed up with just not succeeding. Especially in the face of my friends - a lot of the blokes who regularly pull, pump and dump and are onto the next HB.

So my question to you guys is, how long did it take before you got good with woman? How long did it take you to get things and your life on track? At 23, I feel I should farther ahead of where I'm at at this point.

 

[Tomo]

*Reading back through this, no this is not a self pity thread (sorry if it sounds like it). I find it hard to judge how I am going through life or if there is any improvement or if I am doing something wrong. I enjoy the imput of the older heads because wisdom is experienced not read or studied.

 

[old_skoolr]

When you stop caring whether you fail or succeed with girls. When you learn that its not about getting a girls number or ONS, but you enjoying yourself. Ive had nights where I felt better talking to 5-6 different girls and not really getting anywhere then hooking up and getting numbers with some random s.luts.

You first have to understand that succeeding in the real world starts being comfortable with the person you are. You seem like your heading in the right path, but frustrated coz you think you could be doing more. Plan too much for the future and you'll miss the present. Enjoy your life more. Have fun, and f.uck around.

 

[Jack89]

You start succeeding when you finally "get it" it and stop caring about the outcome or expectations.Pretty much "get it" enough to stop caring about the outcome. Once your in a rut or down you interpret the same situation differently than the guys that's not kinda like half empty half full. If your depressed or in a rut you will most likely interpret everything as negative it will feed into itself like a cycle, which will further keep you away from the light.

A lot of people expect things to fall together once they have improved but they still don't get it. It's not about expectations but the moment and your happiness during the event. Getting it is understanding and accepting the circumstances, dropping the expectations, recognizing things that are out of your control and not beating yourself up for it and also identifying things that are in your control that you can do something about.

 

[skinnyguy]

It depends on how good looking you are.

If you're good looking you won't need to go through failure to succeed. If you are ugly you have to spend thousands of hours lurking SOS and PUA forums, getting rejected by hundreds of women, and reading books on game before you even have a girlfriend.

Life isn't fair and that's just how it is. If you drop your standards you will fail less.

 

[Mike32ct]

It depends on how good looking you are.

If you're good looking you won't need to go through failure to succeed. If you are ugly you have to spend thousands of hours lurking SOS and PUA forums, getting rejected by hundreds of women, and reading books on game before you even have a girlfriend.

Life isn't fair and that's just how it is. If you drop your standards you will fail less.

True. A good looking guy can learn "game" successfully in a few months. An ugly or even average guy could waste the better part of a decade on game with mediocre results.

But looks stuff aside, the other posters are quite correct that it's more important to learn to have fun when you are out rather than focus on how far you get with women. There are many factors in this game beyond our control. So the, "I must get laid this weekend" can put too much pressure on yourself. Maybe a girl that WOULD sleep with you isn't at the bar/club/party you were at. She might have been somewhere else. You two didn't cross paths. That's not your fault.

 

[Turuwal]

Lots. It took me a year from when I first discovered game to when I first got sex from using it. It took me eight months after that before I got a girlfriend, although she was an 8 and the best looking of all my friend's girlfriends.

Now I am in my early thirties. In the year after I broke up with my girlfriend, I went completely nuts gaming and had sex with more women in a year than the median guy does in his lifetime. One month I started with no women and ended up sleeping with three, getting BJs from two more, and dating another for a total of six plates. I probably talked to at least 1000 women in the year.

But here's the thing. Why does it matter how much you fail? If you don't fail it means you aren't trying, and you will get exactly nothing. Learn to love your failures, and love to learn from them.

Also you are still studying and building yourself up professionally. You are trading short term pain for long term gain. DO NOT give up your study and professional development for women, for evil lurks on that path.

 

[RagingBalls]

It depends on how good looking you are.

If you're good looking you won't need to go through failure to succeed. If you are ugly you have to spend thousands of hours lurking SOS and PUA forums, getting rejected by hundreds of women, and reading books on game before you even have a girlfriend.

Life isn't fair and that's just how it is. If you drop your standards you will fail less.

I agree. Speaking as one of those attractive guys as women says i am. It's more easier to get women without much effort getting them as i can see how their eyes dilate and grow just by approaching them. I've had huge share of women coming over to me or find an effort to be with me.

More often, guys hate it when i get the attention of the girls. And even had into fight with insecure guys.

 

[adam225]

I think there's a lot more to in than just looks personally. I see it as being more down to self belief and how you put yourself across more than anything - A good looking man with low confidence/self esteem can be smelt a mile off by women. They will be INSTANTLY turned off by him. It's an instinctive thing what they pickup on. It's more your overall presents what they go for - which again, they pickup on instinctively.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, at 56 there are some aspects of life in which I'm very successful.

In each of those areas, the mountain of success upon which I stand is made almost entirely out of so-called "failures" (which are actually only experiences that provided me feedback for correction). Those "failures" are the very substance of success, because they represent action, correction, and further action.

When we look back on our lives we see that EVERYTHING we put our minds to, we accomplished. It's a matter in intent, and a matter of creating systems for very gradual improvement.

I suggest to all of us that we take our eyes off the clock and calendar and instead create systems toward improvement and devote our attention to the systems themselves. That's when the magic starts happening.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I feel you OP, I'm 26 and I feel like I should be more had or have achieved much more

 

[Ronaldo7]

Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.

 

[Tictac]

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Michael Jordan

 

[Partizan]

It depends on how good looking you are.

If you're good looking you won't need to go through failure to succeed. If you are ugly you have to spend thousands of hours lurking SOS and PUA forums, getting rejected by hundreds of women, and reading books on game before you even have a girlfriend.

Life isn't fair and that's just how it is. If you drop your standards you will fail less.

Who defines good looking? IMO, it's mostly subjective. Was I naturally good looking during my AFC years? Maybe. But I certainly didn't help myself with my physique, my choice in clothing, my haircut, and grooming. I changed all that and now women think I'm really attractive. Go figure.

 

[Maximus Rex]

You Cry to Damn Much

It depends on how good looking you are.

If you're good looking you won't need to go through failure to succeed. If you are ugly you have to spend thousands of hours lurking SOS and PUA forums, getting rejected by hundreds of women, and reading books on game before you even have a girlfriend.

Life isn't fair and that's just how it is. If you drop your standards you will fail less.

If you really and truly believe that, then why are you on this site and do hope to get out of it?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

OP, how many girlfriends have you had and how long did they last?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

When I mean, when did you start to become good with women, to me that is when you get your first attractive girlfriend or have sex with an attractive women for the first time

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I believe it either varies or how often you go out

 

[Mr Wright]

I think you have to go through the right kind of failure. If you're still failing the same way you were 2 years ago then you've not made any ground.

There are some guys on here who have frankly made little progress because they're concentrating on the wrong things and haven't overcome the biggest stumbling block. Growing a pair. Guys who get really good have the balls to handle the crap that comes with it, you need thick skin out there because whilst it's not all personal, it can still hurt. I've been there, coming back from the club and just feeling so crap about yourself, like nothing's ever going to change. But when you get to the point that you want to be, you'll realise how easy it is, how it's just a few changes in the right areas which makes the difference. The problem is when you don't know where you're really screwing up, you think it's in one area like escalating but in reality she may have been like "naaah" as soon as you opened your mouth but was being too polite.

You're going to suck for a little while longer but take the pain of today and put it into the work you put in tomorrow.

So here's what you need to do:

1) Get those balls out and strike out the next 6 months as a learning curve
2) Push the boat out, escalate a little too hard, fail and write down what happened. You have a great resource here.
3) Trim the fat off and keep it simple, learn to take the opportunities that are presented to you.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

depends on how often you go out too