How many of you had to leave friends behind?

[The_last_Gunslinger]

I have a group of guys that I have known for over 15 years. Some of these guys got married and had families. Good for them I say, as their wives are cool and the non-feminist type.

But now I’m stuck with the remaining few who have no ambition for anything past playing video games in the seclusion of their apartment. The only thing they seem to be good at is getting fatter and lazier. When I can get them to go out to bars they drag a cloud of negative energy around them, thus effectively turning off any and all potential female conversations. 3 of them have outright said to me that they have given up on females. Of those 3, I gave one the book of pook. I know he was affected by it since he’ll bring it up in conversations but he’s a cynical fellow and pigeon holes the entire concept of self improvement as a waste of time. I can’t even get them to do activities that generate extra income, they have no desire for adventure of any kind.

Recently I have been spending time on my own forming a routine that keeps me occupied, healthy and content. I have a plate that lives about an hour away that comes to visit me monthly. I think they are taking this as a hint that I may not like them anymore or that I may be turning into a snob. This is not the case; I have respect and admiration for my old childhood friends. However in a small town if I were to maneuver alone it would suggest to them and others that either I’m a snob or they are not worth anyone’s time…even childhood friends.

Have any of you more mature men had a similar situation? I want to help them without getting “drama-ish” or holier than thou. At the same time I don’t have enough energy to improve myself and drag others along kicking and screaming.

The issues at hand:
1. I operated alone before as I was a bartender for years and learned conversation skills. Still I dread the idea of going it alone again.
2. I don’t want to hurt my pals or diminish them around others as it would be seen that I rejected them after 15 years and see no more worth in them

Keep a frame of reference that I live in a small town. Social circles are established and intermingle based on a variety of parameters. I don’t care for it personally, but it is what it is.

Thanks men, happy trails

 

[mrRuckus]

But now I’m stuck with the remaining few who have no ambition for anything past playing video games in the seclusion of their apartment. The only thing they seem to be good at is getting fatter and lazier. When I can get them to go out to bars they drag a cloud of negative energy around them, thus effectively turning off any and all potential female conversations.

Maybe you haven't caught on yet but the bar kinda sucks. Especially if you still live somewhere that allows smoking indoors.

Video games all the time is no worse than the get drunk all the time mentality.

My roommate does both at the same time. At least he's quiet about it and has a hot 19 yo gf.

 

[true romance]

Live your life on your own term. Do not let them dictate your life

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.


It's OK to outgrow your friends.

 

[02hero]

I do it all the time, even to the point where I'll cut all contact until they get back in touch or not, as the case may be. I find the ones who don't get back in touch I don't miss anyway....you do find out who your true frends are this way.
Don't be afraid to burn bridges, true friends will always find a way to cross that river to see you again. Works with women too. When you let go of things, you make space for new things to enter your life.

 

[Trance_69]

(I'm new to So Suave but not to dating, my 1st post)
Hey Gunslinger I'm in a similar situation to you.
I got to that age where a lot of my friends have got married, 1st kid, etc and I'm left with the remaining people in my original crew.
My advice, make new friends, get a wing-man. This doesn't mean dump your old friends but just don't see them as much. I still see my friends that don't wanna go out, still play video games and have poker night once a month etc but when I'm out on the pull I hang out with different people.
A girl once told me "you are associated with the friends you hang out with", meaning if your friends are sad wusses then you are most likely 1 as well or if you hang out with a bunch of jocks then people will think you are a jock as well. 1st impressions last.

 

[SharpGame]

Don't try to improve them, they'll just resent it. If you need to, separate yourself from them just enough to create new circles of friends, but not so much that you're abandoning them. I have my party friends, my high-class friends, my geeky friends, my outdoorsy friends, and my sarging friends. There may be times when you want to just chill and play video games. These are the friends for those times.

Join some clubs, take some classes, put yourself out where you can meet new people. Your existing friends will probably try to knock you down for trying something different. Ignore them and do it anyway. The only way to help your friends improve is to lead by example. They should come around once they see how well you're doing. But if they continue trying to keep you from reaching your goals, drop them.

 

[asid76]

I have had to get rid of so many friends lately. As soon as I started to "man up" I realized how many of my friends only hung with me because I was a pushover. Now that I live by my own terms they can't handle it. For example, my friend Greg will NEVER EVER come to clubs with me and in the past I would just say "thats fine Greg, we'll do what YOU want" which usually involved just driving around aimlessly. Now that I am becoming more "alpha" Greg is driving around aimlessly by himself and I am the dude standing at the club by myself. But at least I am doing what I really want to do and I am starting to now meet new people to hang with and I am going to create my own DJ army out of them, lol. Live life by your own terms and you'll lose alot of friends but you'll gain some good new ones.

 

[WestCoaster]

I've outgrown many friends, I just drift away, no apologies. Some of my closest friends and roommates from college, guys I thought I'd be connected with forever are now just a few e-mails and Christmas cards a year in my contacts. That's OK, they've moved on, too.

It's all about maturing and moving on. I've found in life that the people who support you 100 percent are far and few between. Sadly, I've found there are a great many more who are willing to bring you down, on purpose or by accident.

Find the people who bring you up.

Moving on is something that happens.

 

[betterthandead]

Nice.

I have friends from back in the day that I left a few years ago. I still see them from time to time (maybe once a year) and they are still stuck in their own little worlds. My improvement in friends and lifestyle greatly weighs out my regret for leaving them behind. A man does what is necessary for himself.