How many can we juggle?

[kingwilliam]

How many women do you guys try to keep on the burner at one time?

It seems lately I have so many numbers and I am trying to hook up with so many different girls that I'm getting confused. Don't get me wrong, I love the outcome, but I feel like I am a ****ing general manager trying to keep up with all these *****es.

I am in now way trying to brag or anything like that........just wondering what techniques you guys use to try to keep up with the chaos. I think ulimately I am trying to find ONE great girl, but a man has to get laid, right?

J

 

[STR8UP]

Welcome to the downside of spinning plates

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You need a PDA with a calendar, notepad and telephone book. Load up pictures of the women you are sarging, keep notes about where and when you met along with any pertinent conversation topics and her likes/dislikes. Keep all of you dates set up in the calendar so that you don't overbook.

If you can do all of this in your cell phone it could work well if all of this information can be at your fingertips when she calls by linking up all this info to her number via caller-ID. The downside is that you have to commit all of this to memory when the info pops up because it's a b1tch to look up in your phone while you are talking to her. I use a separate PDA instead of my cell, much easier...

Personally, I max out with 3 women that have high interest. It's difficult giving them the time that they need to keep the interest high if you work and have a social life (in addition to more women) while sarging them. However if you are just testing the water with several women, the more the better. It's easy not to contract one-itis if you always have access to multiple women.

 

[styles07]

or

share the wealth

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

share the wealth

Sloppy seconds? :nervous:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Seriously, that is not something to complain about.

Just wait until you get there. Heaven forbid that one (or more) has the potential of becoming a starter. Screw up and she could become a free agent. :nono:

 

[Chrispy]

Easy, cut down your load or else you'll lose your focus. Share you pie
Seriously though...there are only so many hours in a night/weekend.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You're over-thinking the entire principle of Plate Theory. Obviously there comes an upper threshold in the number of plates you can realistically spin, but the point of it isn't to see how many you can keep track of. In fact, if you feel like you need to keep track of them you're approaching it wrong. It's OK, and even beneficial, to let some plates fall off. If you're clinging to all of them you're self-defeating. The confidence that comes from spinning plates isn't in the 'having', it's the 'knowing' that you have options; and nothing builds this better than intentionally letting some go.

Give it a shot. Have the sack not to think you have to constantly maintain effort with a woman. When you're doing it right, they'll come to you and you wont have to make the effort (or certainly less so). If you feel like you have to constantly water the garden or she'll run off you're not spinning plates, you're just an AFC with a few more options than most who's worried about missing his chance with the ONE that got away. Have the confidence to let her come to you.

I should also add that you need to be above board with all of your plates about being non-exclusive with them. This also means they have the option to date other guys, so accept that as part of the deal. Again, this needs to be communicated to them covertly - never say outright that you're non-exclusive - imply it with your actions, your lifestyle, your mannerisms and your ambitions. Very few women have the maturity to accept non-exclusive dating when it's bluntly spelled out for them, but gradually ease them into a a state where they're more accommodating (if not accepting) of it and they will share a successful and confident Man. This may sound manipulative, but it's the same game women have used on Men for ages. We just forgive it more easily when it's done in the feminine.

 

[STR8UP]

You're over-thinking the entire principle of Plate Theory. Obviously there comes an upper threshold in the number of plates you can realistically spin, but the point of it isn't to see how many you can keep track of.

I see where you are coming from, however, it still doesn't account for the fact that it takes work to keep everything together.

You can't reasonably expect a woman to become attracted to you AND to stick around without spending time with her. The only way withdrawing your attention works is if she has had a pretty good taste of it to begin with.

If you're a politician or rock star or anything famous the game is different. but for the average guy to expect to have women orbiting around him without building and maintaining attraction just isn't realistic.

I'm not bashing the theory, because the basis of it is sound. My issue is the practicality of it. I'm personally not the kind of guy who needs external stimulation from other people all of the time. For the majority of the week I prefer to kick back in my chair at night and chill by myself. I suppose you would call that "introverted".

So for me it's more work than I care to tackle dealing with just ONE casual relationship most of the time. I get involved for the sex and a little companionship, but it almost always turns out to be more trouble than it's worth just maintaining ONE plate.

Realistically, in order to keep a chick on the line you're gonna have to see her once a week or so. Then there's the phone call here and there. Put three of these together and add trying to meet NEW women and you have a part time job! I'm building a new business and managing dozens of pieces of real estate, i don't need and don't want another job!

My thing is that I almost always have a few plates around, but without enough time and energy to maintain them they don't produce the desired result, which of course is to keep yourself from focusing on just ONE of them and keeping her in check because she knows you have options.

I have quite a few female "friends" who sort of serve this purpose, but although it might serve to increase my value with women who I might actually be interested in, it doesn't do anything to satisfy my desire for sex and companionship in "that" way.

So my plate spinning is relegated to having a few groups of female friends, some of whom I have had sex with or have at least messed around with. Some live out of town and come back around every now and then. Some are friends of friends and I don't even see them unless they come around with other people I know. Some I hang with on a regular basis but it really is more of a friends deal despite whether or not we have had a sexual history. Can you even call those "plates". I doubt anyone would. But that's really all I can manage!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Well, obviously there are precious few guys who can pull off the Arab Sultan lifestyle with women at moment's notice, but I think a lot of guys like to use the exhaustion cop out ot rationalize why they can't (or wont) spin plates at all. I'm not saying that's you STR8, because I know better, but if a guy's main concern is the logistics of spinning too many plates, I'd have to question the legitimacy of the plates he's really spinning.

Like I said, the confidence comes from knowing there are other available options for a guy - especially when there aren't, but he knows he can confidently go and develop new ones. It's that self-worth that's at the root of Plate Theory.

 

[STR8UP]

Like I said, the confidence comes from knowing there are other available options for a guy - especially when there aren't, but he knows he can confidently go and develop new ones. It's that self-worth that's at the root of Plate Theory.

See, that's my thing.

Basically "spinning plates" is a treatment, but it isn't a cure.

When you get to the root of it all, it has to do with being the kind of guy who doesn't need ANY woman, not because he CAN have other women. Spinning plates caters to the needy ego.

When you do this you are playing the game like a chick. Fighting fire with fire, basically.

I'm not saying "Don't do it", because if I were a different kind of person and I weren't occupied with other things and I was looking for a relationship it's likely that's what I would be doing too. What better way to sift through the chaff? The dynamic of female competitiveness is an awesome thing.

I think it comes down to us being programmed with the idea that we need another person to be complete. If you can successfully de-program yourself from that, it doesn't matter if you have ten women or zero, you self worth isn't determined by another person(s).

I suppose we also have to account for the fact that besides social programming we are indeed social animals and pretty much require interaction from others to maintain a healthy existence. And there are some aspects of socialization that you just can't get from your buddies or platonic female friends.

So for someone serious about finding a relationship or someone who has time and the desire to live a very "social" existence, spinning plates is great. For others such as myself it just doesn't work that well for various reasons.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...When you get to the root of it all, it has to do with being the kind of guy who doesn't need ANY woman, not because he CAN have other women. Spinning plates caters to the needy ego....

Perhaps for some. There will always be the guys who will project a LTR with the first woman who gives him any attention. We see it in the forum all the time, guy's having a bad case of one-itis.

What about the guys who are genuinely popular and woman just want to hang out with them. The guys aren't seeing anyone serious and he enjoys the company of women. It's not that he's even dating them per se, just that they enjoy doing the same things that he does so they end up doing it together.

Overall it helps having a selection to choose from. It helps having viable comparisons available so that you don't feel the need to hold onto bad apples just because it's the only piece of fruit you have available. It's not very different than having a ton of different buds you hang out with on different occasions. You just don't ever consider sleeping with them.

 

[STR8UP]

What about the guys who are genuinely popular and woman just want to hang out with them. The guys aren't seeing anyone serious and he enjoys the company of women. It's not that he's even dating them per se, just that they enjoy doing the same things that he does so they end up doing it together.

That's what I'm saying.....that guy is ME.

But I don't consider that spinning plates.

When I think of spinning plates, I think of ACTIVELY pursuing women. As in calling them up to set up dates or meetings or whatever, and having to maintain a regular enough schedule of contact in order to keep them spinning. That's a lot of work to keep a few of them interested.

Overall it helps having a selection to choose from. It helps having viable comparisons available so that you don't feel the need to hold onto bad apples just because it's the only piece of fruit you have available.

I agree 100%. It's just that it's easier in theory than it is in practice. I just don't see how it's practical for people, as busy as everyone is, to be able to hold the interest of several women and line up backup women at the same time.

To be honest it does happen to me from time to time. Kind of the "When it rains, it pours" thing where you stumble upon several women at any given time that are interested without even trying. Maybe you're gaming one of them who has potential and a couple of others see this and want a piece of the action. But hell, it's enough of a challenge just finding ONE that is interesting enough to keep my attention for more than ten minutes!

Kind of fell into this situation last year where I was hooking up with one chick, the only one who i really had anything in common with, and there were a couple of others at the same time that liked me. Had a party with all of these chicks there and you could have cut the tension with a knife! One of the chicks was reaching to grab me and another one slapped her hand away....it was insane.

Yea, it was an ego boost to have several women in the same room who had a thing for me, and to know that I had my pick of who to have sex with that night, but at the same time it's DRAINING, even aside from any sort of drama that might occur.

You have to admit that women and relationships in general can take a lot out of you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You have to admit that women and relationships in general can take a lot out of you.

I think this is where the disconnect is. You're not having a relationship with the plates you're spinning. Obviously if this is the approach, which most guys unused to the idea of seeing more than one woman at a time will subscribe to, you're going to end up exhausted. It's about dating like adults should, non-exclusive until something clicks, in the meantime they're just dates not little mini-relationships you discreetly keep from your individual girls.

That's dishonesty. Cheating really only boils down to telling a girl you're exclusive with her and you aren't. It's the automatic implied expectation of exclusivity from the outset that you're really fighting against.

 

[kingwilliam]

Here's the deal with me: I have 5 or 6 different women that I am seeing. Each of these women DO require attention in order to keep the flame burning. I don't really see any LTR potential with any of them, but for the most part they are ALL hot, and I love the variety. Normally I will take them to lunch, or have them over for dinner and a movie.....whatever. (one at time, unfortunately....lol ) For some of them a quick phone call keeps them on the hook.......

I go out every weekend with my chums and we basically drink at the bar and try to pick up women. I usually come away with new numbers and occasionally [if everything works out] take one back to my place for even more fun.

My point is that I go out every weekend so the numbers are building up......also there are girls sending me text messages all the time.........**** it, I am not trying to analyze the theory behind all this - I love it. This is what it's all about for me right now until I find that special one that makes me drop everything else. I have been down the path where I meet a girl and immediately think she's the one.......when I was younger. They way I look at it, if I forget to call one of them after a few days, then she is not MAINTAINING MY interest....

Now I have learned not to settle, and to basically pick out what I want.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...You have to admit that women and relationships in general can take a lot out of you.

Having a active life does that; but that's the difference between living and just existing.

 

[STR8UP]

I think this is where the disconnect is. You're not having a relationship with the plates you're spinning.

When I say "relationship" I use the term loosely. I have a relationship of some sort with everyone i interact with.

It's about dating like adults should, non-exclusive until something clicks, in the meantime they're just dates not little mini-relationships you discreetly keep from your individual girls.

I know where you are coming from, but when I think of going about it in this way I think of the kind of sh!t that women do.......keeping a guy around just because they don't have a better prospect at the time.

Nothing wrong with playing the field if you aren't leading anyone on, of course. But it would seem to me that with the utter lack of decent women out there that most of your time would be spent "killing time" with women you have little to no interest in. At least that's how it would be for me.

Seriously, maybe it's the fact that I don't approach 100 women every week, but I just don't encounter enough decent women to keep several of them around at any given time.

Maybe my problem is that I stuff women into MY friend zone immediately if I have no interest in dating them. Maybe I should be sampling the goods first. Fukk them and THEN friend them. That would put some fairly low maintenance plates out there. The problem with that is that I know it isn't going to go anywhere.....I will just be killing time, like women do. That's all good and fine but it seems too much like you're doing something for the sake of doing it.

 

[STR8UP]

Having a active life does that; but that's the difference between living and just existing.

True, but you know that to spin a plate you can't usually just walk away from it and then come back a month later and give it a spin again, you have to keep up some kind of momentum to keep it from crashing.

It's different when it comes to friends because you CAN duck out for a few weeks and it's no big deal. It's just that with women's attraction being so fickle, you MUST keep it moving along, even if it's only to maintain speed.

Think about it.....I know that "spinning plates" is only a euphemism, but the name itself is fitting, as it implies that one must be vigilant to maintain the momentum to avoid the individual plates falling to the ground.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

True, but you know that to spin a plate you can't usually just walk away from it and then come back a month later and give it a spin again, you have to keep up some kind of momentum to keep it from crashing. ....

Actually I had one come back just this weekend that I had stopped spinning last year. She saw me drive into a parking lot at an event we both were attending, I waved and parked on the other side of the lot. By the time I started unpacking my gear she was walking up with a huge grin and arms wide! Long story short, she ends up asking out to go dancing. The kicker is that she came to the event with another guy (just a friend of course).

This type of thing is not unheard of if you're able to make enough of an impact on a person during the times you are together. Plus it helps that you don't drop the plate and it breaks on the floor. You just kinda pack it away for safe keeping. Every one in a while it gets unpacked and dusted off.

 

[grinder]

I think I have rewritten my response on this very excellent thread several times, looking at different perspectives.

The question was: “How many can we juggle?” Like so many things, it’s totally subjective.

The critical point is not really how many but that you CAN juggle.

Plate theory is nothing short of liberation, a freedom of choice and destruction of some of society’s most deeply ingrained myths about relationships.

It’s about taking control of a part of your life that, all of your life, you have been told you can’t control.

It’s one of those “must do” kind of things to feel its true potential. If I either enter into a relationship or am in a relationship and I KNOW, deep down, that I have other women either waiting or available it completely changes my interaction with that original relationship.

I know I don’t need her, but I choose her.

I CHOOSE HER. And she knows it. This is an enormous difference in perspective.

This is not contrivance, posturing, or “acting DJ”. This is true, authentic, and an inescapably legitimate way of being.