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How Long Term Relationships changes a Man's drive...

In2theGame

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My first relationship about 23 years ago, I was as Blue Pilled as you can be. I did the usual societal programming of buying flowers, cards, "I Love You" poems, talking on the phone for hours for the girl I "Love".

Life woke me up when I found out she was cheating on me and then life slapped me in the face again by taking her back and getting cheated on again but at least at the very end, I had the balls to end it and realize how toxic things were.

After that I became more cold and had a heart made of stone. I was doing well, flirting/sexing with multiple girls, until I met the next girl who I fell in love with.
You can say I was slightly red-pilled (Pink Pilled?) but the point is that before I met her, I was working out and got in great shape. I felt good and confident with a strong drive to be the best I can be.

Over time, I completely let myself go by gaining weight and letting other things take a back seat in favor of doing things with her and making her happy.

The relationship ended badly by her breaking it off with me in favor of another guy (Who she was probably cheating with) and getting engaged/married soon after things ended with us.

I was devastated and destroyed.

After that brutally painful experience, I vowed to "Do Me" and improve myself.

I was newly single and on the road to recovery. As a single man who had complete time to himself and no Woman wasting my time, I lost 100 pounds, gained a ton of business knowledge and was making great money. I made friends with very successful people, so my social circle greatly improved and finally, my dating life skyrocketed.

With my newly chiseled lean physique, rising confidence and a return of my drive, Fvcking very sexy Women became the norm for me and with that an explosion in my drive for overall success in life.

This, in my opinion, is a Man's best state..
  • Success in health & fitness
  • Success making great money
  • Success in Sexual experiences with a variety of Women
  • Success in being part of a quality wealthy social circle.
(I know some may also feel a Man's top priorities are to have children and that is true however it does not take away from the top 3 listed above)

Now that I have been in a Long Term Relationship for about 3.5 years, I paid close attention to why or how an LTR lowers a Man's drive.

It's subtle but it's happening.

You were once a Man waking up in the morning, with peace and quiet, alone with your thoughts of how you're going to attack a goal or objective.
You have your day planned by working, hitting the gym hard, maybe working on a side business hustle and diet in check. No distractions other than the occasional Friends with Benefits or Fvck Buddy.

Girl A, Girl B, Girl C..... ready to help you "release" that sexual tension. Maybe one girl kinkier than the other (down for threesomes, D!ck sharing, etc.)

Your sexual needs are met and you are right back to business of bettering yourself. Your drive is up, testosterone is up and focused on your goals.


Now you enter into an LTR...
  • She wants you to stay in bed with her and cuddle. Relax in bed with her for a little while longer before getting up and getting busy.
  • If you're working a lot and/or working hard on your business/side business.... She wants to know when you're done so you can "spend time" with her.
  • She wants to do things together and pouts when you want to do your own thing. Often trying to make you feel guilty.
  • You go to dinners with her coupled up friends or family and you sit there having blue pilled conversations. (Engagements, Weddings)
  • She wants you to eliminate your other sexual options and be the focal point of your sexual needs. No more sexual variety.
  • You become more lenient with your eating and notice you begin to gain some pounds. That Chiseled hard physique has gotten softer.
  • You notice your drive isn't what it was pre LTR.
  • Your comfort level increases. When you should be working out, hustling in your business or reading on how to better yourself... You're distracted by her suggesting you two sit on the couch, watching TV and ordering some tasty food. Again, fvcking up your diet and physique.
  • After fvcking her, she wants you to sit and hold her and tell her you love her.
  • Many more...

I'm not surprised at all at a study that showed Men in LTRs and Marriages have more than 20% less Testosterone than their single counterparts.

This is how Men become shell's of their former selves in long term marriages.

It's VERY VERY subtle and most Men don't even realize its happening. It has to make you wonder.... Women want strong Alpha Men to be more sensitive and loving but in the long run, are turned off by the same Man she tried hard to change. It truly is a betatization of a Men as a whole.

I can't even begin to imagine what its like for Men in long term Marriages.

I can't generalize since there are some Men who like this and feel comfortable with this arrangement but other than that, Men become (for lack of a better term) chained and restricted. Just as you would hold a wild Lion in a cage.

Sure the Lion is protected, being fed and not in danger living like this however it is far from his natural state in the wild.

Even worse, there are some Men who are dominated by their Wives... You have to wonder why Men allow this.


For the guys who have come to understand this, what are your thoughts?
 

Stanley

Senior Don Juan
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Great post. I think in the process of becoming a man you need to get you heart broken a few times, it only seeks to serve you and initiate growth. I am concerned for my friends in the mid to late 20's who have yet to have this happen. The stone cold heart is there for a reason just got to know when to open up if it all.

Currently reading Bachelor Pad Economics and much of it is in the vein of your post. Highly recommend it to any young men reading this
 

In2theGame

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Great post. I think in the process of becoming a man you need to get you heart broken a few times, it only seeks to serve you and initiate growth. I am concerned for my friends in the mid to late 20's who have yet to have this happen. The stone cold heart is there for a reason just got to know when to open up if it all.

Currently reading Bachelor Pad Economics and much of it is in the vein of your post. Highly recommend it to any young men reading this
Yes, a heart made of stone IMO is necessary. I don't treat my GF like sh*t but I do not have those "lovey - dovey" feelings I had when I was in my 20's. I learned things the hard way a long time ago.

Maybe it's my age but I am much much more self aware of what's going on than I ever did in my younger years.

I'm under the strong belief that society want Men as a whole to be Beta. It serves better for Women and society.
 

Lover_boy

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100% true

"From the moment we're born we realize love is conditional, but we want it to be unconditional; our idealized state is unconditional love. To be a man is to perform, to excel, to be the one for whom affections are freely given in appreciation" - Rollo Tomassi
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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I’ve had the exact opposite affect when I’m in a relatively healthy relationship. The biggest strides I’ve made in life were during relationships where I did g have to worry about chasing tail constantly. What you described was a toxic “Jeffrey” type relationship and I agree those suck but being in a bad dry spell/borderline Incel is worst. It’s not either ur a tampon in a relationship or you are a sex god once single. If you’re a relatively strong minded man then you won’t put yourself in a “Jeffrey” relationship nor so in frequent dry spells as a single male. The guys that are in the types of relationships you described are weak beta males that settled for the first girl that gave them a bj or lazy Chads that cashed in the chips.
 

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