How long do you wait?

[Syrio]

Hey guys, I understand that the general rule is that if you ask a girl out and she gives an excuse, you give her one more chance and then if she gives an excuse again you next. Basically I was wondering how long you guys normally wait between the first time you invite her out and the second in this scenario.

Here's the scenario I'm in and why I ask:
I invited this girl to get drinks with me but she said she couldn't go because she was having a "girls night" with her roommates. I know for a fact that this was true and that those plans would have conflicted with the time that I asked her out. She said that she wants to do it another time, so I figured I would ask her once more. I'm just not sure how long I should wait.

Let me know what you guys think!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Two points, then some advice:

1) Give her the benefit of the doubt since this is the first time something like this has happened and you mentioned you know for sure the girls night did happen.

2) Generally speaking you should ask again whenever you feel like doing so; however if your looking for a guideline, I would wait 3-6 days before asking again.


-When you ask a girl out you have to determine her interest level before doing so.

When a girl has very high interest you can say something like:

"hey _________ (girl's name) lets go grab a couple drinks Wed night." -- and she will agree because she wants to see you. By agree, I mean she will drop her other plans or end those plans early to see you.

If you feel like she has interest, but its not sky high because she doesn't know you well enough (more common early on in the courtship), you should say something like:

"hey __________ (girl's name) lets grab a couple drinks sometime this week. What days are you free?

This method takes all the bs out of it. If she doesn't give you any days or says she busy all week, then you know her interest is too low at the moment to go out with you.

The only other response you will usually get if she is busy, is a counter offer for another day/time when she can make it.

And lastly it is very common when a girl DOES have high interest in you, for her to make you chase her a bit in the beginning. Meaning she is free & can make it, but acts like she's busy to increase your interest & desire to see her.

So determine where you are with this girl in your opinion based on all that's happened so far, then choose your plan accordingly.









PIMP

 

[Poonani Maker]

Don't ask her "once more" even if it's a fact that she's having a "girls night." When a woman is asking another dude to call you to call her, then she's interested. When a woman is stopping you in your tracks, she's stalking you. When she's nervous around you cause she's worried about sounding dumb in front of you, she's giddy about you. If she would rather be with her "girlfriends" than test you out then she don't give a rats as5 about you, even if you showered her with gifts, she'd take 'em and then try to exit stage right asap.

 

[Cremasta]

In this situation, because she had a valid reason for not going, I'd have rescheduled right there and then.

Her: Ok I can't I've got a girls night out that night.
Syrio: No problem, how about <pick a day>

If you come up with a date on the spot, then you're good. If she dances round the topic and won't commit to a time, you tell her to come back to you when she knows what she's doing... then you stop the chase and go look for other women.

 

[Syrio]

I appreciate all of the tips! I think what I'll do is wait until Monday and invite her for drinks again. I like the wording you posted, Pimp-sicle ("hey __________ (girl's name) lets grab a couple drinks sometime this week. What days are you free?"). I feel pretty confident that if I say something like this she'll accept the invitation. I'll post how that goes on Monday.

Also Cremasta you're probably right that I should have rescheduled right then and there.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

 

[Kailex]

I use the "What days are you free?" on the regular, depending on how I measure the IL.

I have a plate who after 5 months, I still ask like that... she's got a pretty busy agenda, but I know if I really want a night, she'll hand it over to me.

Sometimes women won't counter offer either because they believe you should chase them. You'll learn with experience when you should do what.

Just last night I went out with someone who I knew her IL was sky high, and I didn't ask what night she was free... I just said Wed night for happy hour and she said yes immediately.

It just depends on your comfort level.

At the same time, I actually engaged someone who wanted to go out with me... and asked her for a Saturday night and she said: Ladies night... and then proceeded to not counter-offer at all and just said: Keep in touch.

Yeah, I haven't. Maybe in a week.


In this case, you let the golden opportunity to ask for another night right away, but wait a few days and try again. You'll be able to gauge IL a lot better next time. Good luck.