How I overcame age difference

[Sp1kez]

This girl sent me a message in one of those rating sites and we msged back and forth for a lil, then she gave me her SN and e-mail, this is the first convo we had.

NOTE: Im 20, shes 24 (judge the C&F aspect of the convo)

sp1kez: hello?
HB: HI THERE
sp1kez: wow....I haven't used yahoo IM in like 6 years
HB: LOL
HB: so what do you do?
sp1kez: I work @ XXXXX
HB: which one?
HB: and you can be on the internet?
sp1kez: XXXXX.....but on thursdays I work @ XXX
HB: ahh
HB: So what exactly do you do? you dont have to tell me what store
sp1kez: I do engraving and graphic design
sp1kez: what do you do
HB: I work at a car dealership as an admin asst
HB: did I ask you if you live by yourself?
sp1kez: no, I live with my parents, I'd understand if that's too much for you
HB: well it would def. be something new for me
sp1kez: haha
sp1kez: i've heard it all before
HB: I presume you have a car?
sp1kez: no, mommy drives me around
sp1kez: nah just playing
HB: ha
HB: dork
HB: lol
sp1kez: yes lucklily I do have my freedom in that regard
HB: do you have a curfew?
sp1kez: is that a serious question
HB: yeah I wasnt being a smartass or anything I promise
HB: I'm not a meanie butt
sp1kez: haha
HB: I was just wondering
sp1kez: im 20 years old, just because I live with my parents doesnt mean that I am a child
sp1kez: but thats fine...like I said i've heard it all before
HB: I wasnt implying...but some parents still want to be respected if their kid is still live in there house
sp1kez: nah I've always done what i wanted, the reason most people move out ASAP is because they can't deal with their parents but I don't have any problems with mine.....besides being able to throw parties and have girls over theres really no other reason for me to move to my own place just yet
HB: gotcha
sp1kez: my last 2 girlfriends had their own places and they always made jokes and comments about it, im used to it
HB: so where did you say you live at?
sp1kez: XXXXX off of XXXXX
HB: seriously?
sp1kez: ya
HB: haha
HB: too funny
sp1kez: why
HB: I live like 2 minutes from XXXXXX off of XXXXXX rd
sp1kez: ahh
sp1kez: around XXXXXX neighboorhood ?
sp1kez: or w/e its called
HB: The apts behind the Circuit city shopping center
sp1kez: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sp1kez: XXXXXXX?
HB: yep
sp1kez: i used to live there
HB: haha
sp1kez: i lived there for like 2 years
sp1kez: pretty nice place
HB: yep I like
sp1kez: they're awesome, they're close to everything
HB: I know right
HB: thats one reason I love it
HB: gotcha
HB: I would buy a house but I would rather do that when I got married
HB: if I EVER get married
sp1kez: hahaha
sp1kez: well you did tell me what you were looking for in a guy and that was a pretty extensive list
HB: that is true...but I think I'm worth it
sp1kez: thats the right mindset, don't lower your standards, i like that
HB: oh I'm not... I was in a bad relationship for 3 years, and I will never settle again on someone
sp1kez: so have you had any luck with that website?
HB: well I'm still single so what does that say? lol
sp1kez: ahhh
sp1kez: now honestly what is wrong with you? I mean you are really cute and you seem too good to be true, theres got to be somethign wrong if YOU can't find somebody
HB: crazy men
HB: lol
sp1kez: ahh so it is not you
HB: always something..
HB: I mean I'm sure some just dont like the type like me
sp1kez: good to know...i was getting a lil worried
HB: so its not always them
sp1kez: I know what you mean
HB: but seriously
HB: I've met a LOT
HB: of crazy bi polar men
sp1kez: hahaha
sp1kez: my problem is that I want to find somebody who is sweet and caring that wants to have a serious relationship based on trust, rspect and love. All i seem to find is girls who want to "have fun" and who like to get wasted EVERY freaking weekend, like I told you I'm sick of the party girls
HB: well I find guys that say that want the same things as me, but when it comes down to it, they cant handle it
sp1kez: I was talking to my friend who's 23 about it and she said that it's because all girls my age want to do is party.....so I kinda given up hope
HB: well I've found even people that are older and have matured...still want to throw down...and I just have to weed those people out
sp1kez: lol "throw down"
HB: yeap
HB: throw
HB: down
HB: lol
HB: brb
sp1kez: k
HB: K
HB: so what kinda music you like dear?>
sp1kez: I listen to pretty much anything, as long as it's good, but mostly things like breaking benjamin, stone sour, switchfoot, cold,
HB: gotcha
HB: how tall are you?
sp1kez: 5'7"
HB: why frown?
sp1kez: how tall are you?
HB: 5'4"
HB: but I wear heels alot
sp1kez: ahh well as long as they're not higher than 3 inches you wont overshadow me
HB: LOL
sp1kez: I don't know why but some girls have an obsession with height
HB: well I'll tell you my view point on it
HB: because I couldnt date someone shorter than me
HB: this is why
HB: ...
HB: I have to feel as though my man can protect me
HB: and if hes shorter than me..
HB: I'm not gonna feel like he can
sp1kez: haha that is such BS thats what they all say!
sp1kez: what if the guy is a lil shorter than you and muscular?
sp1kez: would that still not make you feel protected?
HB: thats just me
HB: plus...I feel weird if I'm taller
HB: in my eyes...the guy should be taller
sp1kez: thats the way all girls have been brainwashed it seems
sp1kez: since height correlates to power for some reason
sp1kez: oh well
HB: its not just powe
sp1kez: at least if this did work out we wouldnt have to deal with that problem
HB: power
HB: I also would feel more manly if I was taller
HB: and I DONT
HB: want to feel manly
sp1kez: hahaha
sp1kez: i would hope not
HB: well thats why I want someone taller
HB: period
HB: lol
sp1kez: hehehe
sp1kez: im safe there...not by much but saved
sp1kez:
HB: lol
HB: ohhhh I forgot one thing
HB: he HAS to kiss me and make me weak
HB: if not...
HB: its a no go
sp1kez: theres only one way to find out...
HB: was that a hint??
sp1kez: that was a factual statement
HB: yeah yeah
sp1kez: guess we have to have a friendly wagering game of putt-putt then
sp1kez: and if nothing, you sound like you'd make a great friend
HB: lol.... we'll see
sp1kez: we'll see indeed
HB:
sp1kez: haha
sp1kez: u got me smilin now
HB: awww why's that?
sp1kez: ok you ruined now
sp1kez: it*
HB: why????
sp1kez: haha
HB:
HB:
sp1kez: what time do you get off work
HB: X:XX
sp1kez: lucky you
HB: U?
sp1kez: X:XXpm (
sp1kez: you didn't tell me what kind of music you liked
HB: awww I'm sorry
HB: ok let me see
HB: everything from Nonopoint, to Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding, Rascal Flatts, Enya, Mozart, Josh Groban, Eminem, Aerosmith, CCR, The Beatles, Andre Bocelli... etc.
sp1kez: mozart?
HB: BITE ME
HB: I'm eclectic
sp1kez: really? I had no clue
sp1kez:
HB: you know what???
HB: we're gonna go
HB: it's gonna be on when I see you
HB: I'm
HB: gonna
HB: take
HB: you
HB: down
sp1kez: oh yes
HB: of course I'm sure you'd like that so I better not
sp1kez: aww boo
HB: ha
HB: >
HB: L-)
HB: =))
sp1kez: I'd hate to be taken down
HB: yeah I'm sure
HB: lol
HB: 8-|
sp1kez: Im sure you'd find a way to "accidentally" trip on top of me
HB: ha
HB: you're not that lucky yet
sp1kez: haha
HB: so what kind of schedule do you work?
sp1kez: pretty much X-X:XX during the week except on X which I don't work (love X) and then I work in the morning on X and X-X sundays
HB: awww
sp1kez: X I work XX-X
HB: you work opposite schedule as me
sp1kez: ya you get out at X
HB: I would never get to see you
HB: (
sp1kez: theres weekends and nights
HB: what time do you get out on X?
sp1kez: Xpm
sp1kez: and Xpm on sundays
HB: gotcha
HB: you suck
HB: lol
HB: you would never be able to take a day trip with me
HB: (
sp1kez: oh i can ask for days off if that was the case
HB: gotcha
HB: I couldnt have a job that I had to work on the weekends
HB: I love my weekends
sp1kez: hehe
sp1kez: were would we take a day trip to?
HB: the zoo
sp1kez: X?
HB: XX

 

[Sp1kez]

sp1kez: ah
HB: or the mountains
HB: or an amusement park
sp1kez:
HB: YEAH I KNOW.... sounds fun right
sp1kez: oh yes
HB: plus you'd be with me...so I mean how much better can you get?
sp1kez: I'll be the judge of that
HB: h
HB: aa
HB: you dont have to
HB: I know
sp1kez: oh dayuuum
HB: hehe
HB: hey brb dont go anywhere
HB: SORRY
HB: you there
HB:
sp1kez: yeah
sp1kez: sorry...for some reason people think I care when they come and tell me their life stories
HB: lol
HB: aww I'm sorry
HB: so you wouldnt wanna hear my life story
HB: ??
sp1kez: I would love to hear yours
HB: AWWW
HB: thank you
HB: :-*
sp1kez: but yeah this guy just came up here and started telling me his tale for like 30min =/
HB: aww
HB: I sowwy
sp1kez: haha
sp1kez: it's alright..it was kinda interesting
sp1kez: i'll recount the story to you some other time
HB: lol ok
sp1kez: i was going to type it out but that would be too much typin
HB: lol its ok
sp1kez: brb 1sec
HB: K
sp1kez: what r u up to
HB: just workin....
HB: and you?
sp1kez: working hard or hardly working?
HB: LOL
HB: :">
sp1kez: haha
sp1kez: but yeah so we gonna throw down this weekend?
sp1kez: )
HB: HEHE
HB: dork
HB: :-B
HB: :-*
sp1kez: would you be interested in that friendly wagering game of mini-golf on saturday ?
HB: its a possibility
HB: I just have to see how much my check is because I have rent due, and I have to see if my school check comes in
sp1kez: ok, well if not we could still conversate over some coffee then
HB: hell I'd be lucky if I could afford that the way its lookin....lol
sp1kez: well if it comes down to that I'll be a gentlemen. But don't get too used to it...i ain't no sugar daddy
sp1kez:
HB: lol gee I wouldnt want you to be a gentlemen or anything....lol
sp1kez: hahahaha
sp1kez: so what do you say
HB: can I tell you tomorrow?
sp1kez: sure
sp1kez: here is my # XXX-XXX-XXXX you can send me a msg
HB: I dont have text
sp1kez: :-O
HB: god forbid!!!
HB: no text
HB: thats what
HB: a phone
HB: is for
HB: to talk
sp1kez: well you can call me then
HB: I wouldnt want to inconvenience you and make you talk to me rather than type to me
sp1kez: HAHAHAHAHA
sp1kez:
sp1kez: got jokes
sp1kez: well call me and let me know ok?
HB: will do

*****IMPORTANT******* NEED ADVISE HERE:
After that I had to do some work and left the computer, when I came back it was time for her to leave work (we were both at work) and she gave me her # and told me to call her. This is where the problem lay, as you can see clearly from out convo, she had agreed to call and let me know if she was up to going out, but in the end she agve me her # and said "call me" but I did not (I figured she would call like she said during the convo). Well as luck would have it my car broke down that day and I was going to wait for her to call to tell her I wouldn't be able to make it, but she never called, was she expecting ME to call or did I do the right thing by not calling because she had agreed to call?

I havent talked to her since so I sent her an email telling her that my car broke down and to call me if she wanted to move the date for the next week. Im just bummed that I got so close and in the end I stood my ground(by waiting for her to call like she said she would instead of calling her) and by doing that I may have ruined the whole thing.

 

[jamescr73]

well, from what i can see, some of your convo was afc. you had a few cf things in there that went ok, but when you say "just joking" or whatever, you blow it instantly. I would say give it a few days, even let it roll through the weekend and dont contact her. If she calls then great, set up a date. I wouldnt call her, because your message sounded kinda needy. like telling her you would listen to her life story. ouch. Id say, "yeah, you can tell me your life story, if you can sum it up in 1 minute".
something that tips me off about her IL, is how she started declining the date offers. Saying she doesnt have enough money for coffee? ok. I can find enough change in my car for 12 cups of coffee. Rule #1 a broke ho is a no no. :nono:. Seriously, youll end up paying for everything. Thats a bs answer though. Shes saying that because her IL is low. back off for awhile. if she messages you online, tell her your busy and youll call her later. Then dont. she'll keep looking at her phone all night wondering when you are going to call. This is going to raise her IL. Problem is, if you call, the IL will drop right back down. its a messed up psychological mindtrip but its reality. make her wonder why you didnt call. Then when she finally breaks down and does, tell her youve been extremely busy, but dont apologize for anything. You can make this work, but I can tell ya, that shes fairly needy herself. Play it cool and you can bag her in 2 weeks.

 

[ryannath]

Yeah, sounds like she was making excuses not to go for coffee and all that because she has low Interest Level. If she was really interested, she would call you I'm sure. I don't buy that chicks never call even if they are interested. They have always called me more times than I have called them when they were trully interested, but when they are not interested, they never call. They also will not make up excuses like they "don't have any money" when you ask them out somewhere. An interested woman will ALWAYS find a way to see you.

 

[TheManlyMan]

You gave her your work schedule. She now knows when and where you are for any duration of time. Anything that is known, she stops thinking about, and if shes not thinking of you, that doesn't do you much good.

I'm sounding like a total keyboard jockey in this post, but I'm also being pretty serious. Take it as you may.

I actually opened this up because I'm 18 and I'm working on a 27 year old - GOOD GAME!

 

[Monster]

God damn I can't believe you guys read all that.

 

[DJStudent]

Lol, quite lengthy. Anyway

I won't go into how you handle the situation cause I'm sure every guy who will respond with give there 2 cents. But when it comes to age I think it involves 2 things.

1: Yes there are some issue with age when it comes to a guy dating an older woman. I'm currently dating a girl that is 27 and I'm 23. She's thinking about marriage, settling down, and a whole mess of other things cause she's getting close to her 30's. Most girls will tend to think that. That would be the main reason why it's difficult to go out with an older woman. Especially for us guys in our early 20's, we're not ready for commitment like that.

2: Maturity level is different. Although she's older I'm much more mature that she is. To me she acts like a freshmen in college. So everytime I'm with her, I feel much older than she is.

Btw, looks at this point doesn't matter cause obviously you are attracted. Don't like the age factor stop you from discovering how great the relationship could possibly be. Just see where it goes as if you never knew her age and had met her for her. You'll be surprise.

 

[MrS]

Hahaha, remembered a line from Rocky.

Take her to the zoo.
Why the zoo?
Retards like going to the zoo.

 

[danielzxc]

Low IL?

I DOUBT it.

The chick contacted him off a rate-my-looks site, if I understood that correctly. Hardly low IL there.

I think you're fine man. Biggest thing is that by far most girls are uncomfortable calling up guys. They expect YOU to do that bit. Really, all you have to fkkn to do is CALL her. Just do it. You can thank me later.

As far as rating your CnF, you were neither particulary funny nor ****y. You were'nt BAD.. just nothing really stands out at me. All in all, I'd say you were a "pleasant" and fun guy, with just a BIT ****iness about you. However, you were also a bit "supplicative" in some ways...more than a bit actually, but nothing fatal, so don't worry.

Just fkkn call her bro.

 

[Sp1kez]

Damn, you guys are right. But oh well I've discarded the whole thing, I told her I lost the paper where I wrote down her number cos I didn't put it on my phone right away and to give it to me again if she is interested. Learning experience here nothing else =/

thanks guys

 

[danielzxc]

But oh well I've discarded the whole thing

Are you for real? WHY? As far as I can tell, you haven't even done anything "wrong" yet. Why quit now?

 

[Sp1kez]

Are you for real? WHY? As far as I can tell, you haven't even done anything "wrong" yet. Why quit now?

Well she never replied to my message where I told her I lost her number and to send it if she was interested in meeting up, so I think that's it.

And calling her now would make me look desperate since I supposedly "lost her number"


EDIT: that just gave me an idea....maybe I could call and tell her i found the paper where I wrote the #? should I? I mean if she didn;t reply to my msg that means shes not interested anymore.....you know what I'm going to wait a couple days and call, got nothing to lose

 

[danielzxc]

Imo, you don't need to go into explanations at all. If SHE mentions it, probablyin a sarcastic way, like, "OH, i thought you LOST my number", then just brush it off casually with "yeah, well, obviously I FOUND it -- duh". The point is to not make a huge fuss about this thing. Just get on with asking her if she'd like to get together with you. If so, great. If not, well you were already gonna give up on this chick anyway, at least now you've got confirmation that she wants nothing to do with you.

Also, don't forget, maybe she never even got your message. Or she's just been plain busy with LIFE. I know that when they are REALLY REALLY into you, that they tend to MAKE time for you, and they DO get back to you, but just because she DOESN'T it doesn't mean that she's not into you AT ALL. Even if she is a bit less than 100% head over heels for you, she still might agree to come out with you. ANd if she does agree, then GO out with her. What better thing have you got to do with your time? If nothing else, at least you'll get some practise, right?