"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
How I lost a wonderful comapanion because I was a half-assed DJ
- Thread starter happyguy
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
This stuff is not rocket science. First, you must be happy with who you are. You don't have to know exactly who you are. I'm still looking for exactly who I am, what I'm good at, my favorite hobbies, my true passions, etc. Basically you have to realize that you don't need someone else to be happy. You have to be in control of your own life.
You have to know what you're looking for. I've never been good at the pick up stuff. I don't do techniques. I haven't done alot of one night stands. Well, I guess I have, but alcohol helped out alot. I do things to help myself be confident and I keep everything light unless absolutely necessary. And, you have to stand up for yourself. Honestly, why would you want to put on a fake persona? The only way I would is if I wanted to get laid. You won't meet a LTR prospect being fake.
And most of all, you have to learn the process of not being clingy and needy. Just don't do it. The only person you own is you.
You have to know what you're looking for. I've never been good at the pick up stuff. I don't do techniques. I haven't done alot of one night stands. Well, I guess I have, but alcohol helped out alot. I do things to help myself be confident and I keep everything light unless absolutely necessary. And, you have to stand up for yourself. Honestly, why would you want to put on a fake persona? The only way I would is if I wanted to get laid. You won't meet a LTR prospect being fake.
And most of all, you have to learn the process of not being clingy and needy. Just don't do it. The only person you own is you.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Your story is a great example of why I'm of the opinion that mPUA like Mystery and his cult are some of the most monumental AFCs. Mystery's been in and out of therapy and borderline suicidal for exactly the reason you describe here. He never killed his inner AFC.
I've got a pretty low opinion of Ross Jefferys, but he was right when he said teaching PUA techniques was like giving children dynamite. People are lazy, particularly people who are deprived of something. Promise them a quick fix to a problem that should take years of hard work, perseverance and dedication and you'll be a millionaire overnight. It's just this playing to peoples fantasies that make diet pills, stomach exercisers and get rich quick programs so profitable. They're magic bullets that promise results without the effort.
Same with most PUA techniques. You take a guy whos had so little success with women for the better part of his life and turn him on to PUA technique and methodology, and even a limited amount of success is reward enough. The problem is he doesn't know how to use his new "super power" responsibly. He's still an AFC and still subscribes on a very deep level to the ideas of his lifelong conditioning because he's chronically been so unsuccessful he lacks the experiences to have unlearned them and transformed himself on a deeper level.
In The Game, Mystery is a perfect example of this. Here's a guy who teaches other guys PUA skills and has had phenomenal success with it. He can get virtually any woman he chooses. Yet once he gets into an LTR with Katya he's destroyed, suicidal and clinically depressed. First off, his choosing Katya is flawed and she sees the way under his skin. Second, he's never killed his inner AFC, so, like most PUAs, he reverts back to his AFC self once he's got the "girl of his dreams" only to find out that his AFC ideology either drives her away, or worse, she stays with him and owns him in a manipulative LTR.
Far too many guys only see PUA skills as a means to an end - "get the girl of your dreams." They're unprepared to be Men once their bait & switch is revealed. They don't believe they can change, they don't believe they should be the one controlling the frame of any realtionship and once they pair off with a woman of such calibre that they'd only dreamed of having it all falls apart on them.
PUA skills are indeed valuable tools, but nothing more. A real DJ changes his mind about himself and becomes the Man that the girl of his dreams wants to be associated with. PUA skills aid in this, but they are only dynamite in the hands of the unprepared.
I've got a pretty low opinion of Ross Jefferys, but he was right when he said teaching PUA techniques was like giving children dynamite. People are lazy, particularly people who are deprived of something. Promise them a quick fix to a problem that should take years of hard work, perseverance and dedication and you'll be a millionaire overnight. It's just this playing to peoples fantasies that make diet pills, stomach exercisers and get rich quick programs so profitable. They're magic bullets that promise results without the effort.
Same with most PUA techniques. You take a guy whos had so little success with women for the better part of his life and turn him on to PUA technique and methodology, and even a limited amount of success is reward enough. The problem is he doesn't know how to use his new "super power" responsibly. He's still an AFC and still subscribes on a very deep level to the ideas of his lifelong conditioning because he's chronically been so unsuccessful he lacks the experiences to have unlearned them and transformed himself on a deeper level.
In The Game, Mystery is a perfect example of this. Here's a guy who teaches other guys PUA skills and has had phenomenal success with it. He can get virtually any woman he chooses. Yet once he gets into an LTR with Katya he's destroyed, suicidal and clinically depressed. First off, his choosing Katya is flawed and she sees the way under his skin. Second, he's never killed his inner AFC, so, like most PUAs, he reverts back to his AFC self once he's got the "girl of his dreams" only to find out that his AFC ideology either drives her away, or worse, she stays with him and owns him in a manipulative LTR.
Far too many guys only see PUA skills as a means to an end - "get the girl of your dreams." They're unprepared to be Men once their bait & switch is revealed. They don't believe they can change, they don't believe they should be the one controlling the frame of any realtionship and once they pair off with a woman of such calibre that they'd only dreamed of having it all falls apart on them.
PUA skills are indeed valuable tools, but nothing more. A real DJ changes his mind about himself and becomes the Man that the girl of his dreams wants to be associated with. PUA skills aid in this, but they are only dynamite in the hands of the unprepared.
Well one explanation is when you were in PUA mode you were being a challenge and she was chasing your validation. Once you dropped the act and revealed your interest and validated her, she got what she wanted from you and poof she was gone in a flash. She never really liked you, she didn't really even like your PUA persona, she just liked the challenge if that makes sense. Does that sound about right?
So the problem might not be so much you're incongruency, but the girls' incongruency as well.
Anyway can you go into more detail about what exactly happened with her and what you were doing before and after she cut out? You were kind of vague. Actually could you go into detail of what PUA stuff you've been doing with girls to get them left and right. I know a lot of people who use PUA tactics and IMO they're still a miserable failure with it, can't even get in the door.
So the problem might not be so much you're incongruency, but the girls' incongruency as well.
Anyway can you go into more detail about what exactly happened with her and what you were doing before and after she cut out? You were kind of vague. Actually could you go into detail of what PUA stuff you've been doing with girls to get them left and right. I know a lot of people who use PUA tactics and IMO they're still a miserable failure with it, can't even get in the door.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
remember, these were two out of about 30, so it is not that I am falling for everyone, though I do choose the top 2% to go after
Why should those two care about what you did with the other 28? From their perspective, you became just another AFC because you put them on a pedestal - "wonderful companion" and "truly amazing," whatever. They were just too much for you to handle without "falling for them." No girl wants the pedestal treatment, even if she logically deserves it in many ways. Of course there have to be "amazing women" somewhere, whatever that means, but when you get them, don't let them catch on that you think they are amazing! That's the problem here. The weakness is not with pua tactics, it is within your own heart and how easily you give it away. Yes, you are a lot better than most guys, but if you want the best women, you have to have the strongest heart. You should control yourself and not "fall for" the top women. Then you won't get dumped.
Why should those two care about what you did with the other 28? From their perspective, you became just another AFC because you put them on a pedestal - "wonderful companion" and "truly amazing," whatever. They were just too much for you to handle without "falling for them." No girl wants the pedestal treatment, even if she logically deserves it in many ways. Of course there have to be "amazing women" somewhere, whatever that means, but when you get them, don't let them catch on that you think they are amazing! That's the problem here. The weakness is not with pua tactics, it is within your own heart and how easily you give it away. Yes, you are a lot better than most guys, but if you want the best women, you have to have the strongest heart. You should control yourself and not "fall for" the top women. Then you won't get dumped.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
That was years ago, though..Rollo Tomassi said:
Now he's "made it," has his own show on MTV, probably makes $3 mil a year and now has a lifestyle to truly back up his bravado.
It's interesting, some people would say bravado is a symptom of success...while others might say the opposite.
Anyhow, there's definitely always the temptation to go AFC - especially the more you like a chick. But, I've basically never regretted it when I haven't...and always have when I did.
I agree with the others.
If I may compare to a book, being a DJ is the total book. PUA skills refer to how to make an excellent and appealing book cover and inside/back cover book description.
If the book itself isn't quality, then they will discover this after they've picked up your book and began to read it (because of your flashy cover and description).
A true DJ isn't a scammer in any way. He really is as good as he appears to be.
If I may compare to a book, being a DJ is the total book. PUA skills refer to how to make an excellent and appealing book cover and inside/back cover book description.
If the book itself isn't quality, then they will discover this after they've picked up your book and began to read it (because of your flashy cover and description).
A true DJ isn't a scammer in any way. He really is as good as he appears to be.